The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 04.27.96

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 04.27.96

Back to these. I was kind of missing them.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS ACTION OF A GRAPHIC NATURE.

Taped from San Diego, CA, on 04.02.96

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect & Jim Ross

Owen Hart v. Fatu

Who would have thought that Fatu would be directly responsible for like 75% of the main event scene in wrestling years later? Those are some powerful loins. Talk about makin’ a difference. Fatu takes Owen down with a hiptoss and goes to a headlock, but Owen runs him into the turnbuckles and Fatu just dances. Because science. Owen finally takes over with a missile dropkick that sends Fatu to the floor on the bump, and we cut to the Samoan Gangsta Party watching mysteriously from the aisle. Back in the ring, Owen legdrops Fatu and we take a break. Back with Owen choking him out in the corner with help from Cornette, but Fatu comes back with a sunset flip for two. Owen clotheslines him and Fatu does a 360 bump off that, and it gets two for Owen. Owen with a DDT, but Fatu pops up because SCIENCE and it’s a BAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP. Fatu with the backbreaker for two. Fatu with a running Ace Crusher of all things and he goes up for the splash, but Owen cuts him off with a superplex and finishes with the Sharpshooter at 9:12. Fatu was so distraught over the loss that he only conceived three children that night. **1/2

SLAM JAM! WITH DOK HENDRIX!

We’re talking about Good Friends, Better Enemies, which is a show I’ve reviewed a whole bunch of times already. Razor Ramon actually gives a tremendous promo here on his way out of the promotion.

Goldust v. Mark Cassell

Goldust does an aggressive fondle of the jobber’s pecs and then puts him down with a lariat before mounting him like JD Vance mounting a couch and choking him out on the ropes. Do you think JD deliberately makes his wife mad so he has to sleep on the couch? Just asking questions. Goldust with the hip attack and the Curtain Call finishes at 2:23.

Meanwhile, Warrior threatens to make Goldust squeal like a pig. No really. Also what’s up with Warrior’s hair? It’s completely fried. You’ve got Diesel AND Hunter in the promotion at the same time, take some hair care lessons from the experts.

The Bushwhackers v. Tim Patterson & Davey Starr

So the Whackers have a kangaroo with them because they’re just leaning into this whole Australian thing even though everyone knows they’re from NEW ZEALAND and I’m pretty sure that kangaroos aren’t a thing in New Zealand. I’ve seen some Jay White matches, I know what I’m talking about. Luke hits Patterson with a clothesline and then tosses Starr to the floor, where Butch runs him into the kangaroo’s stomach. Back in for the battering ram to finish at 1:40. The announcers are pushing that the kangaroo has no name and thus the fans will need to name him. Do they really, though? I think I’ll be OK if the stupid kangaroo goes without a name.

Vader v. John Black

Vader casually presses the geek and carries him around before dumping him onto the floor and then throwing him back into the ring again. Vader goes up for the Vader bomb and that finishes at 2:24.

SLAM JAM! WITH DOX HENDRIX!

Jake draped his snake all over the Bulldog in Germany, and he’s very excited about going to church on the Sunday before the PPV match. Isn’t there something in the Bible about he who is without sin wrapping the first snake around his opponent or something? Admittedly I break into painful hives every time I get near a church so I’m far from the expert but that seems like something that Jesus fella would have said.

Shawn Michaels v. The 1-2-3 Kid

Ted Dibiase tries to bribe Shawn, but we all know he’ll never sell out! Mostly because his contracts were all long-term and iron clad. So he clotheslines Kid over the top, but Kid fires back with chops until Shawn drops him with a backbreaker. Shawn with the chinlock. They slug it out and Kid misses a leg lariat, but Shawn misses a blind charge and Kid dropkicks him in the corner for two. Rollup gets two. Legdrop gets two. We take a break a return with Kid going up and missing a senton, and Shawn spikes him with a piledriver and follows with the flying forearm. Shawn goes up with a flying elbow and then presses him over the top rope for a facefirst bump to the floor. Shawn follows with a pescado, hitting Kid with a splash on the floor and then HURLING him into the post. Kid’s taking really big bumps for Shawn for some reason. Back in, Shawn finishes with the superkick for the pin at 10:31. Wrestling is funny because they’re good friends in real life, so they go out and just beat the smithereens out of each other. Hell of a TV match. ***1/2. And then Steve Austin comes out for some reason and clobbers Shawn and I’m not sure what that was about. Vince teases that Austin might get involved in the title match but obviously that didn’t happen.

Meanwhile, Diesel does a promo from Germany, sounding like he’s 3 beers into Oktoberfest and raging against corporate WWF. Well, hopefully there’s an alternative source of employment out there for him somewhere.

This was a fun show! Not sure why I stopped doing the 96 reviews.