The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.28.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.28.92

Taped from Mobile AL, on 03.09.92. Rip Morgan & Jack Victory actually got a tryout at this show, although they didn’t get a job out of it. Thankfully the foot pervert has been fired now and Finkel is back doing ring announcing again.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, who aren’t celebrating anything this week. Vince informs us that Randy Savage has a HITLIST due to the photos published by the WWF Magazine, and it includes Ric Flair, Bobby Heenan, Mr. Perfect and the publisher of the magazine! So much for freedom of the press.

Undertaker v. Lee Armstrong

Vince has now upped his crowd size for Wrestlemania to “70,000 people”, adding another 8000 from his initial announcements of 62,000 people, with a week still remaining until the show mind you, and only about 30,000 tickets sold to that point. Gonna have to count a LOT of beer vendors to make that goal. Taker hits the flying clothesline and finishes him off with the tombstone at 1:00, obviously not working by the hour this week.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY COLISEUM HOME VIDEO!

We take you to a press conference with Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect, with hilariously overdone reverb so we know it’s actually an empty building. And then they kind of kill the joke by repeatedly showing the empty building in case we didn’t already get it. So Flair reviews the photos again, and even produces the very scarf that Elizabeth was wearing in the stable photo! And then Flair tears off his jacket and does the Crazy Flair Dance to celebrate this damning evidence.

Papa Shango v. David Taylor

No not that David Taylor. Shango gets a weird running facejam and then finishes him off with the shoulderbreaker at 0:53. There’s been a LOT of Papa Shango on these shows, it feels like.

Meanwhile, at the prison, someone is still very mad at Big Bossman. Seems like a bad way to make your parole.

Big Bossman v. Barry Horowitz

Vince declares that the phone lines are burning up while everyone in America calls their cable company to order the greatest PPV of all time! Bossman with the sliding punch and he finishes Barry with the slam at 1:14. Man these are some short squashes lately. I know they’re busy hyping Wrestlemania but the last vaguely competitive match on this show was a couple of months ago.

The Natural Disasters v. Bob Morgan & Dale Wolfe

Quake takes Morgan out of the corner with a belly to belly and drops an elbow on him, and Typhoon chokes him out on the ropes. Semi-notable that we still don’t have a name for the Dibiase-IRS team at this point. Disasters with the double splash in the corner and the butt splash finishes at 2:30.

Sid Justice is out for a special interview with Mean Gene, and Hogan better say his prayers because only the strong survive in the jungle. Now we’ve moved onto “Wrestlemania will be Hulk Hogan’s last match” as the storyline gets increasingly desperate for ticket sales. As noted before, Sid was already suspended for failing a drug test by this point and was just working through the European tour and then he was gone anyway.

Tito Santana v. Doug Somers

Vince notes that Tito is one of the only people to work every Wrestlemania. Perfect: “He’s about due to win one of them, isn’t he?” Well to be fair he did win at the first one. El Pasa del Morte finishes at 0:55.

Meanwhile, WBF Bodystars is coming next weekend! Also some guy named Lex Luger will be making his debut on that show. As a bodybuilder. BUT NOT AS A WRESTLER. The WWF legal team cannot stress that enough. Oh man I’ve got the WBF PPV shows sitting in my Fish & Chips folder and I’m constantly fighting the need to review those. Also I thought Luger’s first appearance was Wrestlemania VIII?

Meanwhile, during the Event Center, we get a pretty funny gag where the Nasties & Mountie apparently don’t know where the Repo Man is and think he no-showed the promo, only for him to pop up at the last second and brag about his stealth skills. OK I laughed.

WRESTLEMANIA REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

We get a replay of a Piper/Bret interview from Wrestling Challenge, where Piper offers a handshake to maintain their friendship, and Bret accepts after thinking about it for a bit. Also notable that Gene FINALLY coins the name “Money Inc” for the tag team champions.

The Berzerker v. Ian Weston

Berzerker chokes out the jobber with his own straps and hits the front slam, and then chucks him over the top rope for the countout win at 1:35 while Vince is still selling this “Wrestlemania of firsts!” as his big point.

NEXT WEEK: No idea, but they’re selling the MARCH TO WRESTLEMANIA show that I’ve never reviewed. And that’s coming up next time! Wrestlemania 8 weekend on the Blog of Doom continues!