The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.21.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.21.92

Taped from Tampa, FL, on 02.17.92. This was the end of the taping cycle, so thankfully this should be the last time we ever see Mel Philips on TV.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, celebrating William Shatner’s birthday! Perfect has some quality dad jokes of course.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Sgt. Slaughter v. Bob & Mark Avery

Perfect had heard a new rumor about Hulk Hogan retiring after Wrestlemania VIII, but Vince is skeptical. Slaughter with a short-arm clothesline on an Avery and they do an inset promo about how happy they are just to be there at Wrestlemania. They’d fit in well with today’s product. Duggan finishes with the three point stance at 2:00.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY SPOTLIGHT MAGAZINE!

This week, Gene is visiting Flair’s boat, as Ric is still working that magazine angle and shows off more totally real photos of Liz and himself. Who was taking all these photos?!?

Owen Hart v. Doug Somers

There was a guy announced as “Doug Somers” a couple of weeks before this, but THIS is clearly the Pretty Boy. Doug beats on Owen with chops in the corner, but gets backdropped and hit with a snap suplex, and we get an inset promo from Skinner, speaking of pretty boys who went downhill. Owen with a belly to belly and he goes up with a flying splash to finish at 1:23.

The Mountie & The Nasty Boys v. Dale Wolfe, Bill Wood & Scott Summers

Oh man, don’t let that Summers guy look at you the wrong way! OK so this seems to be the debut of “I Am The Mountie” as his entrance music, which was always super-weird to us Canadians because people would talk about Mountie’s hilarious theme song and we had no fucking idea what they were talking about due to the Canadian version of the show editing it out and replacing it with a generic French horn. So Canada was collectively like “People really like the French horn theme?” It wasn’t until 1993, when he switched to Jacques Rougeau the Quebecer and changed the theme to “We’re NOT the Mounties”, that we actually got to hear the song in Canada. Nastys finish one of the geeks with the Shitty Elbow at 2:00.

Last week: Virgil makes the mistake of messing with Dr. Harvey and gets his face broken by Sid.

Hulk Hogan joins Mean Gene for a special interview, and SID JUSTICE IS OUTTA CONTROL, BROTHER. And the look in Sid’s eyes is the same one as Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson! Those were two drastically different types of people. However, Gene does not ask Hogan about his impending retirement, likely because the show was taped a month beforehand and they hadn’t come up with that storyline yet.

Rick Martel v. Robbie Sampson

The Model with a stungun and backbreaker, to set up the Boston Crab at 1:10.

Tatanka is out for his match, but Martel gets in his face in the aisle and insults the red streak in his hair, and they brawl until the referees split them up. Martel is right, the red looks stupid.

Tatanka v. Pete Sanchez

Perfect notes that the WWF Magazine is the hottest selling issue of all time, which Vince attributes to Tatanka being on the inside. Gonna go with “no” on that one. Samoan drop finishes at 1:00.

WRESTLEMANIA REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY SUPER WRESTLEMANIA ON SNES!

Oh man, Gene has GREAT NEWS for us, as the show will be available exclusively on PPV! Well except for all the counties that didn’t have PPV yet, like Canada, where it was exclusively available on closed circuit. Gene admits that Hogan has indicated to him privately that it could very well be his last match. We should have been so lucky. Also they’ve updated the graphic for the 8 man match to include Virgil’s new face mask already. What if he’s healed up in the two weeks before the show? I’m starting to think wrestling isn’t entirely on the up and up.

Meanwhile, more menacing messages from prison, directed at the Big Bossman.

The Undertaker v. Lee Thomas

Taker slugs him down as you can now see the crowd emptying out at the end of the taping while Vince does the hard sell for his weak-ass Wrestlemania card, using promises like “the first time you’ll see the Natural Disasters facing Dibiase & IRS for the tag team titles!” like that’s this huge selling point. Tombstone finishes at 1:44.

Next week: Big Bossman! EVEN MORE photos from Ric Flair! Sid Justice speaks!