The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.09.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.09.91

Originally written 04.28.26

Wrestlemania week really screwed up my review rotation because normally I don’t get back to 91 Superstars until later in the week.

Taped from Orlando FL, 02.18.91. This one includes a tryout match for Tatanka as “War Eagle” which I think showed up years later on an Unreleased DVD or a Hidden Gems deal on the Network.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Roddy Piper, and Roddy is on crutches from a motorcycle accident, which was actually kayfabing a hip replacement surgery.

The Hart Foundation v. Pete Sanchez & John Martin

Bret beats on Martin while we get an inset from the Nasty Boys, who note “First we took your manager and now we’re gonna take your belts” and I definitely remember them doing that promo. It’s weird the things you remember. Hart Attack finishes Martin at 2:18, and that’s it for the Hart Foundation, who never teamed up again on TV after dropping the belts at Wrestlemania.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Gene talks about the upcoming Virgil-Dibiase match at Wrestlemania in the [Location Redacted for National Security Reasons] and we get a recap of their breakup. Dibiase is actually doing an appearance at a pop culture convention here in Saskatoon this weekend and I’m taking my daughter there, so I’ll probably stop by his booth. Apparently he’s charging EIGHTY FIVE DOLLARS for a photo and $60 for an autograph, so no wonder he’s the Million Dollar Man. To make me feel even older, the last time I met him was 1997, when he was doing a talk at a local church in Edmonton during his WCW period. I’m not going to do the math to figure out how long ago that was, but it’s gotta be, what, almost 10 years ago?

The Mountie v. Danny Brazil

This guy is kinda nuts I hear. Mountie smashes him in the corner with the turnbuckle shots and takes him down with a chokeslam before finishing with the VULCAN NERVE PINCH OF DEATH at 1:25. I will say, Mountie worked a completely different style than everyone else at this point and used some really unique stuff. That quickly changed to a more generic heel style, though. Also we get an inset promo from Tito Santana, who says something something Arriba. Afterwards, Mountie handcuffs the jobber, zaps him with the shock stick (complete with the new zaaaaaaaaaaaaap sound effect) and then retrieves his gloves and slaps him around for good measure. I think that guy has learned his lesson. “That’s for crowd control! There’s no crowd!” notes Roddy. I think he’s confusing this show with Wrestlemania VII.

Meanwhile, Hacksaw Jim Duggan shows up at Mean Gene’s promo from Toys R Us, looking to complete his WWF wrestling trading card collection with the Mean Gene rookie card. Gene won’t trade, so Duggan hits him in the foot with his board and steals it. Nowadays that’s not even the most violent trading card activity I’ve ever seen.

Big Bossman v. The Brooklyn Brawler

Surprisingly, Bossman is NOT opening the show this week, even though someone on the blog pointed out that he typically jerks the curtain on this shows. Brawler attacks and then wisely runs away, but he makes the mistake of pointing to his head to indicate intelligence and Bossman beats him up. Back in for a spinebuster and Bossman chokes him out on the ropes while we get Finkel shilling SUPER SCREEN closed circuit showings of Wrestlemania VII. I know that at least in Edmonton, they didn’t even do a closed circuit showing at Northlands Coliseum like they did for Wrestlemanias 3 – 6, probably because there was no interest in it. I’ve heard that other Canadian locations did in fact show it, though, so maybe there was just a concert or something that night and they couldn’t air it. Spinebuster finishes at 1:22. And then just like the Mountie, he handcuffs Brawler to the ropes and threatens him, but in this case Vince has NO problem with that. ACAB I guess. Except for K9 units, because them’s GOOD BOYS.

Sgt. Slaughter joins Mean Gene for a special interview, since I guess we haven’t started with the Funeral Parlor yet. Gene is disgusted by Slaughter burning a Hogan poster last week, and now this week Slaughter brings a Hogan t-shirt with him, cuts a promo on Hogan, and then burns THAT. As I mentioned last time, I (and many others!) had Mandela’d that moment into Sarge burning the US flag, which didn’t happen. But Vince sure as shit wanted it to happen and Slaughter wouldn’t do it.

SOO-SOO-Superfly Jimmy Snuka v. Shinji

Shinji appears to be a practitioner of the martial arts, complete with the pants for it, but he gets some shots and goes to the top rope, only to get slammed off and dropped on the top rope. And then Snuka pulls out a piledriver to finish at 1:33.

WRESTLEMANIA REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

We can’t tell you which arena it’s being held in, but it’s in Los Angeles, that we can say for sure! Anyway, we get a promo from Hulk Hogan, who’s pretty upset about this whole shirt burning deal, because costing him merch money is GOING OVER THE LINE. Meanwhile, Warrior reminds us that he still has a piece of crystal lodged in his head, against the orders of doctors, and that’s gonna motivate him to end Savage’s career just like he did to Brother Love last week. Also we hear from the “Queen”, who continues to bash Davey Boy Smith, although Mean Gene is notably skeptical about her being the real thing. WELL I NEVER.

The Barbarian & Haku v. Randy Hunter & Dale Wolfe

We get an inset from the coked up Rockers while the future Faces of Fear double-team Wolfe in their corner and then Barbarian throttles him and hits him with a tree slam. Haku comes in with an atomic drop while Roddy promises he’s gonna be at Wrestlemania because his name is ROWDY RODDY and not “Mr. Careful” and so a little thing like a broken hip isn’t gonna stop him. Over to Hunter and chops him down, but Bobby claims “He can’t hear it” so Haku hits him harder. Barbarian with a backbreaker and he hits an atomic drop, and then holds the gut in place for the superkick from Haku to finish at 3:32. Good finisher, although the team vanished after Wrestlemania.

Meanwhile, some guy is BLOWING FIRE. No idea who it might be, but he appears to be sporting some kind of dragon-like wings on his arms if that helps.

NEXT WEEK: The Nasty Boys! The British Bulldog! And a special interview with Hulk Hogan!