The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 02.15.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 02.15.92

Well my vacation is officially over and unfortunately I have to take responsibility for Sabu, I guess. He got in there at the wire.

Taped from Amarillo, TX, on 01.28.92. Most amazing tidbit from this taping is that Billy Jack Haynes asked Pat Patterson if he could drive out for a tryout match the night before, and Pat agreed, and then waited until Haynes got to the Lubbock TX tapings on 01.27 and sent him home because they didn’t need him. And then DID IT AGAIN THE NEXT DAY.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect

BUT FIRST! We take you back to Saturday Night’s Main Event, because god knows not many other people were watching on FOX, as Sid Justice turns on Hulk Hogan and Hulk still doesn’t clue into the fact that MAYBE HE’S THE ASSHOLE.

After the match, Hulk whines and cries to Mean Gene while his lapdog Brutus stands there nodding along with all his gaslighting bullshit, and Hulk declares that Brutus is his friend to the end who will always be there for him. Until Brutus turned on him too a couple of years later. Also Brutus shares a creepy story about Hogan giving Brutus a direct blood transfusion direct from his heart. Do…do they not have a blood bank in the hospital? I have so many questions.

Next up, Wrestling Challenge, as Sid appears on the Barber Shop,and then has enough of listening to Hogan’s propaganda filtered through Brutus, and destroys the set to put him in his place while calling out Hogan. Oh really, Sid threw out Hogan at the Royal Rumble because he was SCARED of Hogan? Insert Willy Wonka meme here. Maybe Kermit with the tea, I dunno.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE!

Yes, there is now a DOUBLE MAIN EVENT as a result of Sid’s shenanigans, with Wrestlemania now switched to Hogan-Sid and Flair-Savage, and a special referee for Hogan-Sid. Well that last announcement sure got dropped in a hurry.

British Bulldog v. Omar Atlas

Vince notes that Bulldog is bound for Wrestlemania for sure. I mean, unless someone cancels his match at the last minute, but how likely is THAT? Bulldog works a headlock and Atlas comes back with some shots in the corner, but Bulldog gets a corner clothesline and finishes with the powerslam at 1:36. Perfect notes that Atlas apparently came out of retirement for this match and now he’ll likely go back into it again.

Meanwhile, we get more Wrestlemania memories as Vince tells us all the ways we can buy tickets. Or wait until near the show and get about 15,000 comps that they used to fill the building. Either way.

The Nasty Boys v. Kris Germany & Larry Williams

Sags beats on Williams with elbows and its over to Knobs, who rams the guy’s face into the mat. Perfect, meanwhile, has no sympathy for Brutus facing the wrath of Sid because he should have stayed away if he was hurt. Nasties with the Pit Stop and it’s over to Germany, who quickly eats the Shitty Elbow and gets pinned at 2:30. Vince is very concerned about Brutus getting emasculated by Sid, but you know what’s REALLY emasculating? Standing by while the bigger star who pays for your coke bill lies about everything and you nod along like a bobblehead.

Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Todd Overbow

Piper takes Overbow down while we get an inset promo from Bret Hart, who wants his belt back! Well maybe don’t come to the ring with a 103 degree fever next time, Bret! Take some Tylenol or something. Todd gets a slap on Piper, but that of course goes badly for him, as Piper quickly finishes him off with the sleeper at 1:30.

Shawn Michaels v. Rudy Gonzales

Couple of notable things here, as Shawn debuts his new “Heartbreak Kid” look, with “Rhapsody in Blue” as his theme and Sensational Sherri as his manager. Not to mention that he’s facing Rudy Boy, who was his good friend and likely wanted to make sure Shawn looked like a million bucks in this debut. Shawn slugs away in the corner and tosses Rudy, then follows with a clothesline from the apron while Sherri cheers him on and threatens to pop out of her dress. “Don’t lose anything” quips Vince. Back in the ring, Shawn with the superkick and he finishes with the teardrop suplex at 1:40.

WRESTLEMANIA REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Flair is annoyed by the switcheroo from Hogan to Savage, but we all know Ric Flair is the man of the hour, and also he has SECRET INFO that Savage doesn’t know. That was actually one of the all time great backfilled feud buildups, where they announced the match and then came up with the justification afterwards. We also hear from Hulk Hogan, who basely accuses Sid of “trying to end Brutus Beefcake’s life” in the Barber Shop. THERE WAS LITERALLY VIDEO OF IT! EARLIER IN THIS SHOW! We know you’re lying about it, you orange gaslighting son of a bitch!

Rick Martel v. Terry Daniels

Interesting to see the Private showing up for a job here. Daniels actually gets some armdrags as Martel gives him some offense, but he goes for a hiptoss and Martel puts him down with a clothesline and follows with a backbreaker. And the Boston Crab finishes at 2:00. Martel actually gave Daniels quite a lot here.

NEXT WEEK: Tatanka! Bret Hart! Dibiase & IRS as a team? Plus Randy Savage v. Jake Roberts from SNME with BONUS FOOTAGE that was pretty damn consequential.