The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 02.08.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 02.08.92

These are proving really popular and I’m really enjoying them, so let’s hit it again! The cutoff point for these is 04.18, by the way, because that’s where they started on the Network and I’m trying to finish out the year completely. And yeah, I’m doing another mad binge while I’m on holidays like I did with the 96 episodes, but these are SOOOOOOOO much easier to do all in one shot.

Taped from Daytona Beach, FL, on 01.07.92

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, celebrating the founding of the Boy Scouts of America this week! I can name a couple of people in the promotion who also were celebrating that organization, unfortunately. One of them doing ring announcing for this show.

The Natural Disasters v. Bob Avery & Raymond Hammer

Quake beats on Hammer in the corner and hits him with a belly to belly, as apparently his 32 year old daughter is getting ready to make her wrestling debut today. Granted that’s like the new 19 years old as far as WWE developmental goes these days. Typhoon comes in and hits the guy with a splash in the corner and he somehow fails to take it properly. How hard is it to stand upright and let another guy run into you? So Typhoon is rightly annoyed by this and does it three more times, and then brings in Quake for a double splash for good measure, before the butt splash finishes at 3:05, with Typhoon adding his own splash as well. So hopefully that guy learned a lesson. That was a pretty entertaining squash.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MERCH CATALOG!

Apparently it’s featuring a whole lineup of LOD merchandise and shirts. Yeah about that. Regardless, Gene is hyping up SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT, which returns on FOX at the same time we’re watching this show back in 1992. That show did not do very well, to say the least. Also Bret Hart has challenged the winner of the Mountie-Piper rematch for Wrestlemania, and we take a look back at the press conference from last week again, almost like they had to cancel a squash match this week, due to SOMEONE getting fired, and needed to fill 5 minutes of time. So after the conference, we get a sincere and real apology from Sid Justice, who feels like he might have been misunderstood when he called Tunney’s decision BOGUS.

Virgil v. Kato

Man, last week Tanaka was doing a job, and this week it’s poor Paul Diamond. Maybe he can fit into someone else’s gear and get a push that way? Nah that’s silly. Kato blocks a rollup attempt, but Virgil gets a backslide for two, so Kato uses his martial arts skills. Virgil with a sunset flip for two while we get an inset promo from Repo Man, who was actually here in Saskatoon on the weekend doing autographs at the Pop Con, but I wasn’t there at the right time to see him. It was supposed to be Jake the Snake but he no-showed. Kato uses more martial arts, which you know because he waves his arms after doing the chop, and suplexes Virgil for two. Virgil slugs him down and uses some AMERICAN turnbuckle slams to set up the Million Dollar Dream, although with tariffs it’s more like a Million and a half dollars to import it, at 3:30.

LIVE EVENT NEWS! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

We’re talking about the Feb 14 show at the Nassau Coliseum, as Sean notes no one will be passing out Valentines in the main event. Wait, shouldn’t Greg Valentine be in the main event for that show? Or was he gone by then? Anyway, Piper does a hilariously unhinged promo about challenging Flair at that show, because he drives a JEEP and not a limo.

Jake Roberts v. DD Russel

Jake is unfortunately back to his boring tights again after months of his awesome dark color scheme, which was probably a sign he wasn’t long for the promotion. He tosses DD and puts the boots to him on the floor, and back in as Vince completely buries the jobber and notes that Jake picked a real tomato can opponent “who can’t even select tights”. OK I laughed pretty hard at that sudden outpouring of salt from Vince. DDT finishes at 2:25.

Sgt. Slaughter & Jim Duggan v. Bill Badd & Jim James

They run the jobbers together and hit them with double clotheslines. Slaughter brings Badd in and Duggan finishes with the three point stance at 2:22. Weird how heavily they were featured as a tag team in early 1992 and then just got dropped cold after Wrestlemania.

The Funeral Parlor, with special guest Ric Flair. Tonight is SNME and Hulk will have to watch Flair walk that aisle, etc etc.

Meanwhile, let’s take a look at memorable moments from past Wrestlemanias, like Mary Hart existing and Willie Nelson singing! Vince is shooting for 72,000 people. Well it’s good to have goals.

Papa Shango v. Dale Wolfe

Yes, it’s the debut of Papa Shango, who I have now learned is an obvious ripoff of the vastly superior character RASTA THE VOODOO MON from Global. Shango slowly chokes Wolfe out on the ropes and adds a shoulderbreaker for the pin at 1:00 while Vince educates us on the origins of voodoo, like our own ChatGPT in 1992.

The Mountie v. Mike Casey

OK so I’m assuming this is what actually replaced the Marty Jannetty squash, because at the time this was taped Mountie wouldn’t have won the IC title yet and so it wouldn’t normally be usable on TV. Mountie runs the guy into the turnbuckles and hurls him over the top rope while we get an inset promo from Piper, who declares “I’ll mount ya, baby” and “I’m too legit to quit”. Oh man remember when all the kids were quoting MC Hammer’s second album in 1992? Couldn’t go 10 feet without tripping over someone buying a copy of that on CD. Mountie finishes with a dropkick at 1:30.

NEXT WEEK: Roddy Piper! Shawn Michaels! The Nasty Boys!

And we hear from Undertaker and Hulk Hogan in advance of SNME tonight!