The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 02.01.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 02.01.92

Taped from Daytona Beach FL, on 01.07.92

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect

And we jump right away to the Wrestlemania VIII press conference, as Mean Gene introduces the top 5 contenders (Hogan, Savage, Sid, Piper and Undertaker) and we learn which of them is getting the title shot. Flair of course is there to point out that he already beat all five of these jabronies in the Royal Rumble so really none of them deserve a title shot, and then he departs with Bobby and Perfect. So Jack Tunney (NO QUESTIONS, PLEASE!) reads his statement, which is that Hulk Hogan is getting the title shot. Hulk of course is more surprised than anyone, while Sid starts to stand up and then gets all pissed off and tears up his papers in disgust. Afterwards, Randy Savage is disappointed in the decision because he likes himself and thinks he’s worthy of a title shot. Sid is pretty angry due to ruling the world and all.

The Beverly Brothers v. Kevin Katlin & Scott Colantonio

The Beverlies double-team the jobbers in their corner while we get an inset promo from the New Foundation, and Beau gets a Perfect necksnap off the middle rope to set up the Shaker Heights Spike to finish at 1:50.

Big Bossman v. Terry Davis

Bossman quickly hits him with a spinebuster and slugs him down for the sliding punch, before hitting the big boot and finishing with the Bossman Slam at 1:20.

Tatanka v. Pat Tanaka

After weeks of hyping up Chris Chavis, he debuts here as Tatanka, giving us the only meeting of Tatanka and Tanaka. Vince mansplains the red streak in his hair as the “blood of all the Indian nations” as apparently his goal is unite them all. Like with Tatanka as some kind of mad god-king? I’m not really down with that plan. Tanaka beats on him chops, with Tatanka makes the comeback and fires back with his own chops and finishes with a flying tomahawk chop to finish at 2:00. Yeah he definitely needed a better finisher than that.

IRS v. Bob Smedley

That’s a tremendous jobber name. Also now I wonder if the AEW World title is in Irwin’s briefcase? Also Jamison is at ringside, and once again it was never explained who he was for those of us outside of the US who didn’t get Prime Time Wrestling. It was always such a weird omission by a company that generally overexplained everything like all their viewers were 10 year old morons. Irwin with an abdominal stretch and he quickly finishes with the Write Off at 1:40.

LIVE EVENT CENTER! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

We’re discussing the MSG show in February now, featuring a 20 man battle royale main event, and we hear from Hulk Hogan and Undertaker to that end.

Meanwhile, prepare for the coming of PAPA SHANGO.

Tito Santana v. Bob Morgan

We get photos from the WBF Magazine, featuring Tito training alongside WBF Champion Gary Strydom, as Vince notes that “each man respects the others’ abilities.” YOU DAMN WELL BETTER SHOW RESPECT TO WBF CHAMPION GARY STRYDOM! Tito hits the sizable Morgan with kneelifts and a backdrop (“That’s a heavy heavy load!” notes Vince with dry humor) and finishes with El Pasa de Muerte at 1:50.

The Funeral Parlor with special guest Sensational Sherri, and she’s in LOVE! Despite managing Ted Dibiase, she’s got a thing for someone else: SHAWN MICHAELS! I’ve heard he’s a very sexy boy so I’m not surprised. At the time in the Observer, Dave went on this whole thing about how that meant Ted Dibiase & Shawn Michaels were going to be a tag team, and kind of wouldn’t let go of it until well after Money Inc won the tag team titles.

The Legion of Doom v. Pete Sanchez & Jim Cooper

LOD attacks the jobbers and Animal dropkicks Sanchez. Over to Hawk for a big boot and it’s over to Cooper, who is sadly not Cooper-Duper in the ring, and Hawk puts him in a chinlock before finishing with the Doomsday Device at 2:30. And I do believe that was the last appearance of the LOD on TV for many months, as they were pulled from SNME a week later.

The Undertaker v. Mickey Jay

Yup, another job for the future referee, as Taker, clearly perturbed about getting passed over for the title shot, hits him with the flying clothesline and finishes with the tombstone at 1:20. At least Vince got his name right this week, so there’s that.

Next week: Papa Shango debuts! Marty Jannetty returns from his dive through the window! More matches announced for Wrestlemania! Join us, won’t you?