The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.31.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.31.87

Originally written 08.21.26

Taped from East Rutherford, NJ on 01.05.87

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino & Jesse Ventura

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. Tito Santana & Pedro Morales

The babyfaces attack during the Soviet national anthem, which is pretty disrespectful. I hear the current US president always stops to salute the Russian national anthem, in fact! Tito dropkicks Volkoff and works a headlock, but Sheik hits him with a knee from the apron and the heels take over. Sheik with a clothesline for two and he tries a suplex, but Tito reverses to his own. Fun fact: Sheik’s only televised title defense, as far as I know, was against Tito Santana at the Spectrum. Pedro gets the hot tag and hits Sheik with a backbreaker for two, but Slick gets involved and it’s a DQ at 3:20, and Tito bodyslams him. So this brings Butch Reed down to ringside to defend his manager, setting up the house show program with Tito that surprisingly did not lead to a Wrestlemania match because Tito was in the six-man. Oddly, during the replay, you can hear Finkel in the audio mix announcing something about Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. This was three hours into the taping so maybe it was a “Stay tuned for the main event and don’t leave, fans!” type of thing?

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Hey, let’s discuss the return of Ricky Steamboat, as he hangs out with kids at the “Kennedy Institute for Handicapped Children”. I’m assuming they’ve changed the name to that one by now. By which I mean Trump has probably spent millions to put his own name on it. I hear he loves the children.

WRESTLEMANIA 3 IS COMING!

Meanwhile, Butch Reed helps Slick through the crippling back injury he suffered, and swears revenge on Tito Santana.

King Harley Race v. Ray Vance

Oddly, Fink announces him as “The King of Wrestling” with no name given, and the graphic is just “The King”. I don’t know if that was a thing they were trying out but it sure didn’t last. Vince is IRKED by Race going around pretending like his crown means anything, as if it’s a title he’s defending. As noted, this was a reference to the genesis of the gimmick, with Vince laughing at Race’s ultra-serious views of the NWA World title years before. Race, in mood to be out there tonight, finishes with the cradle suplex at 1:20 after barely even engaging with the jobber.

Meanwhile, the Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart are at Sun Records, but they’re not impressed with Elvis and his gold records.

The Rougeau Brothers v. Tiger Chung Lee & Al Navarro

Jacques takes Navarro down with a monkey flip while Dino Bravo heads to ringside to watch. Lee comes in and Raymond sends him to the floor and slingshots him back in again before hitting a sunset flip for two. Back to Navarro and the Rougeaus hit him with a double elbow for two. Raymond with a sleeper and we get an inset of Bravo doing French commentary at ringside, and the Rougeaus finish with the double-team seated senton at 3:10.

LAST WEEK: Steve Lombardi tosses Paul Roma over the top rope to kick off a feud between them, and we get a PROMO FROM ROMA?! Why didn’t that one headline Wrestlemania? Also Roma claims to be a rookie, which he very clearly was not because he was on TV way back in 1985.

Adorable Adrian Adonis v. Jack Kruger

Future angry ref Kruger is still hanging around and doing jobs in advance of his retirement, and Adonis quickly tosses him over the top rope and slingshots him back into the ring. And the sleeper finishes at 1:10.

PIPER’S PIT! WITH SPECIAL GUEST JESSE VENTURA!

Piper thinks that Jesse is stirring up trouble over the trophies for no reason. So Jesse lays out his case: Andre was reinstated without even attending his hearing, even though Bobby Heenan was there. So Jesse has found out what actually happened, and he’s got the tea to spill! But he’s not gonna tell us this week. Also he points out that Hogan’s trophy is about a foot bigger than Andre’s trophy, but Piper stands up for Hogan’s trophy because he earned it. So this gets heated and Piper wants a showdown in the ring, but Jesse would rather have a discussion next week, so he’ll produce Andre the Giant next week if Piper can produce Hogan.

Meanwhile, Outback Jack still hasn’t left for his goddamn flight to America, finally going to the airport months after first promising that he was coming to the WWF. I know he was on a walkabout but he was he literally walking all the way to the airport?

Greg Valentine v. Haku

Uh oh, Danny Davis alert. Valentine beats on him with chops in the corner, but Haku hits him with a dropkick and drops an elbow on him. They slug it out, but Valentine hits him with a forearm and goes for the figure-four. Haku kicks out of it and tosses Hammer, but then suplexes him back in and Brutus hooks the leg to put Valentine on top for two. Haku stupidly goes to yell about it, and Hammer hits him with a knee from behind and winds up the big Hammer elbow. So Tama trips him up to get revenge, but Danny sees it and calls for the DQ at 3:00. That was pretty flagrant. Just because the heels did it first isn’t a good reason to justify that kind of cheating.

Jake Roberts v. Jerry Allen

Allen quickly misses a blind charge and Jake hits him with a gourdbuster and then finishes with the DDT at 0:45.

Meanwhile, Roddy Piper meets up with Hulk Hogan and actually asks him to show up next week after already promising it. Luckily, Hulk says yes.

NEXT WEEK: Andre the Giant reveals what’s going on! Outback Jack debuts! Hercules! The British Bulldogs v. The Hart Foundation!

Holy shit next week is one of the biggest episodes of all time. Get your popcorn ready!