The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.26.97

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.26.97

Originally written 02.02.26

This one was posted by the WWE Vault people a couple of days ago, I’m assuming for reasons related to the Royal Rumble, and of course I never went past the end of 1996 with these. So let’s give it a look.

Taped from the Cajun Dome in Lafayette, LA on 01.21.97 in some pretty impressive turnaround time.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jim Cornette

Superstars Bowl: The Godwinns v. Faarooq & Crush v. Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon v. The British Bulldog & Owen Hart

This is a non-title four-way, which I guess was to cash in on the Super Bowl and explains the inclusion on the Vault this week. Of course Vince was more about the Super Bowel. LaFon quickly takes Davey down with a kneebar before that meant anything in the WWF, but Bulldog reverses a suplex for two and LaFon rolls through for two. Over to Owen, who beats on Phil with forearms and takes him down with a dragon screw and goes to work on the leg. Owen with a legdrop and he brings HOG in, but Henry turns on Owen and slams him onto Lafon for two. PIG with a suplex on Lafon for two. Crush randomly comes in to break up a pin and everyone brawls, with LaFon kicking PIG in the face and pinning him at 3:56 to eliminate them. We take a break and return with the champs double-team Furnas in the corner, but Faarooq tags himself in and puts the boots to Furnas. We get an inset promo from HHH and his butler Curtis Hughes, as he’s putting the IC title on the line against Ahmed Johnson at In Your House apparently, which definitely didn’t happen in any form. Meanwhile Furnas comes back with a rana on Owen for two, but Bulldog & Owen double-team him and Owen hits the enzuigiri. So then the Nation double-team Furnas as these guys have been taking a beating non-stop for the entire fucking match, completely telegraphing the winner. Bulldog with a delayed suplex on Doug, but he tries the powerslam and Faarooq clips Bulldog’s knee and Furnas falls on top for a fluke pin at 12:05. So we’re down to the Nation and Furnas & LaFon and apparenlty Honky Tonk Man is talking with Rocky Maivia! What’s he gonna do, change his name to “ROCK-a-billy”? That would be stupid. We take another break (WHAT THE FUCK?) and return with Faarooq holding a chinlock on Furnas as this boring fucking match continues to drag on unabated. Yeah this is so much better than the Super Bowl. Actually I don’t watch football, maybe it was in 1997, I dunno. LaFon gets a hot tag and cleans house with kicks, but Crush cuts him off with a back suplex and Faarooq finishes with the Dominator at 15:06. So they beat up Furnas & LaFon for 15 minutes, barely even gave them a comeback, and then the heels won clean? Amazing. ½*

Meanwhile, at the Royal Rumble, Steve Austin wins his first Royal Rumble of three due to chicanery and shenanigans, leading to a tirade from Bret on RAW the next night. Bret Hart doing a whiny complaint-filled promo? That’s unpossible! And then Gorilla Monsoon sets the Final Four match for the next PPV to determine who gets the Wrestlemania title match, although of course that would quickly change direction.

Bret Hart joins us for another promo, this one at least taped for this show instead of the RAW recap we just got. Of course, by the this point this show was mostly RAW recaps and would cease first-run matches a couple of months later. Anyway, he notes that for every step he takes forward, he gets pushed two steps back, and he’s been pushed as far back as he can go. Oh, let’s not say anything we can’t take back. He’s been screwed by Shawn! He’s been screwed by Steve Austin! He’s been screwed by Vader! He’s been screwed by the Powers That Be! Vince: Hold my beer.

Meanwhile, in MSG, Savio Vega turns on Ahmed Johnson and joins the Nation of Domination, although Savio denies it on Shotgun Saturday Night before turning on Rocky Maivia as well later in the show.

Ahmed Johnson v. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Oh, we get a second match on this episode? I was beginning to wonder. Hey, remember the short period when Mr. Hughes lost like 100 pounds and worked as Hunter’s bodyguard? Neither do I. Ahmed tosses him down off the lockup and Hunter is very flummoxed by this and he retreats to the apron to regroup. Back in, Hunter gets a cheapshot and Ahmed retaliates with a short clothesline and then follows with a sidekick. Ahmed with an axe kick, but he misses the elbow and then charges and kinda takes a bump to the floor. We take a break and return with Hunter in control and apparently working on the kidney. Hunter USES THE KNEE for two. Ahmed comes back with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it his return from injury, but he misses a charge and Hunter gets two. They slug it out in the corner and Hunter blocks a backdrop with a clubbing forearm, but Ahmed backdrops out of a Pedigree attempt. To say that these two are on vastly different pages would be an understatement. And Curtis runs in and knocks out Ahmed with the belt, but it only gets two. “That big Johnson is hard to handle!” notes JR. Come on. Hunter bails to the floor and Ahmed throws him back in for the spinebuster, but then Curtis Hughes runs in for the DQ at 12:50. Absolutely atrocious and Hunter talked years later about how much he hated working with Ahmed. Don’t blame him. ½*. This was supposed to set up a title match at the PPV, but they abruptly changed direction for the entire promotion and Hunter dropped the belt a week after this. I forget who beat him, probably doesn’t matter.

This was BAD. I would rather watch the Super Bowl than sit through this episode again. That’s how much I hated it.