The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.19.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.19.91

Originally written 03.13.26

Taped from Tampa, FL on 12.11.90

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Rowdy Roddy Piper & The Honky Tonk Man (making his last TV appearance of this run)

Jake Roberts v. Bob Bradley

Bradley is looking particularly deranged this week. I always enjoyed Bob’s work and I was glad when he got a minor push as Battle Kat Mark 2, even it was obvious that he was the one under the hood. Jake works on Bradley’s arm and shammerlocks him on the mat. Bob pokes Jake in the eye, the very eye that the doctor specifically told Jake not to get poked in so as to avoid further damage to it, but he misses his patented handspring elbow. So Jake puts him down with the short arm clothesline and finishes with the DDT at 2:18.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

We hear from Dibiase & Virgil, and then Dusty Rhodes and Dustin Rhodes make their final appearance on Superstars promising that money doesn’t buy everything. Well except for WCW’s money, which bought Dusty quite easily for an office job and then Dusty’s money bought Dustin a job and a push as well.

Earthquake v. Randy Hunter

Quake quickly dispatches this geek with the butt splash at 1:25. Maybe the skinny little goof should drink his milk and grow strong bones, like in all the propaganda commercials from Big Dairy that were all over these shows at the time.

The Hart Foundation v. Black Bart & WT Jones

Anvil overpowers Bart to start and Bret puts him down with a hiptoss and some headbutts. Over to Jones, and he immediately gets beat up and finished with the Hart Attack at 1:54.

This week in 1991 commercials: People who think wrestling fans are needlessly tribal obviously didn’t live through the Sega v. Nintendo war.

Mr. Perfect v. Kevin Reno

Reno, who I don’t want to make any accusations about but I suspect might be on some sort of illegal muscle building substances, dropkicks Perfect out of the ring to start. So Perfect confers with Bobby and decides to go teach this guy a lesson, taking him down and working the leg and then chopping him in the corner. AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX at 2:00.

The Bushwhackers v. Dennis Allen & The Gladiator

Damn, Ricky Hunter was aging out even in 1986 when Championship Wrestling was ending and they’re hauling him out here for another squash job. Usual wackiness from the Whackers and they finish Allen with the battering ram at 2:00.

Meanwhile, on the 12.28.90 MSG show, Greg Valentine faces Saba Simba in a match that certainly happened. It’s going nowhere, so Jimmy Hart runs in with a guitar and swings at Simba, but misses and knocks Hammer out instead. So then Hammer has had enough of Jimmy and turns babyface, which ended up sinking his WWF career for good.

ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

TONIGHT! EXCLUSIVELY ON PAY PER VIEW! Doesn’t he mean Premium Live Event exclusively on ESPN Plus Extra Streaming With Ads? Warrior gives his go-home promo to Sgt. Slaughter, and Gene explains the rules of the Rumble. We of course hear from Hulk Hogan, who declares that the 90s will be the decade of Hulkamania. Well, kinda. Not how he thought. Also Bobby Heenan does a promo on Bossman while standing behind a snarling Barbarian.

The Nasty Boys v. Pat Armstrong & Pete Sanchez

So this is actually the Nasties making their WWF debut after jumping from WCW! They’re using a generic rap entrance rather than the more familiar music they’d get shortly after this. Sags his Sanchez with a faceplant and Knobs comes in with a slam and drops elbows on him. Knobs runs Armstrong into the corner and hits him with a clothesline to the back of the head. Sags drops the leg on him. Knobs with the corner splash and the first ever Shitty Elbow from Sags finishes at 2:00. Really impressive squash from these two, as they were fired up after getting their big break at Halloween Havoc 90 and obviously motivated. It really was one of the most well-timed jumps in modern history.

NEXT WEEK: The British Bulldog! The Mountie debuts! The Legion of Doom! Highlights of the Royal Rumble! And I guess they’re gonna have to change the opening of the show again.