The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.12.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.12.91

Originally written 03.04.26

Taped from Tampa FL on 12.11.90

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Rowdy Roddy Piper and the Honky Tonk Man

Big Bossman v. Kent Carlson

Boss is carrying a big stick, and a bail and chain too, showing that the song was indeed right on the nose. Bossman with the usual and a spinebuster to finish at 1:32, leading up to his match with the Barbarian at Rumble 91.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

We get words from Slaughter and his new curly boots, and he’s got a special message from Saddam Hussein: HE’S NEVER LEAVING KUWAIT! Man it must have been killing Sarge to be reading this crap. You could tell he wasn’t into this character at all. Evil drill instructor Slaughter in the 80s was a fun bad guy, but this was just a stupid cartoon villain.

Rick Martel v. Jim Evans

Martel does an inset pointing out that Jake won’t know where he’s entering the Rumble because he’s BLIND, and Honky cackles at that bon mot. Martel rakes Evans in the eyes mocks his temporary blindness before hitting him with a slam and a butterfly suplex. That sets up the Boston crab to finish at 2:00.

The British Bulldog v. Tom Bennett

Bulldog with a backdrop and a delayed suplex, and he dodges a blind charge from Bennett and finishes with the powerslam at 1:34.

The Undertaker v. Ray Hammer

This would have to be the one of the last appearances for Brother Love as the manager, if not the last. Taker beats on Ray in the corner and adds a slam before dropping an elbow on him. We get the ropewalk and Brother Love yells out TOMBSTONE, calling spots louder than John Cena. And that finishes at 2:16.

Meanwhile, on Wrestling Challenge, Ultimate Warrior joins Mean Gene for a special interview before the Rumble, and he says “Saddam Hussein” about 18 times.

Ted Dibiase v. Danny Brazil

Dibiase with the powerslam and he quickly finishes Brazil with the Million Dollar Dream at 1:00. Then he cuts a promo on the Rhodeseses and to prove that he can make anyone do anything for money, he tosses his wad of cash on the mat and bitchslaps Virgil before ordering him to pick it up. Virgil refuses, so Dibiase reminds him of his family and then whispers a secret message to him, which convinces him to pick up the money. I completely forgot about this twist, but we definitely never found out what the big secret was.

ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Of course we know about Bossman v. Ballbearing, Rockers v. Orient Express, Rhodeseses v. Dibiase & Virgil, Warrior v. Slaughter, and the Rumble itself. Gene stresses that this isn’t a “two fight boxing card”, which is kind of hilarious considering the four match PPV shows they’re putting out now.

This week in 1991 commercials: MEET VANILLA ICE! Let’s not and say we did.

Power & Glory v. Scotty Williams & Sonny Blaze

I like that Hercules has “Power” on his ass and Roma as “Glory” just in case we needed clarification. And then we get inset promos from both guys, who both think they’re winning the Royal Rumble. Power Plex finishes at 2:10.

Next week: The Earthquake! Mr. Perfect! Hart Foundation! Sgt. Slaughter! Jake Roberts! Holy crap they’re milking ANOTHER week out of this taping?