The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.11.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.11.92

I know I’ve said this before, but it looks like my WWE Network account is gone for real this time. VPNs are all blacklisted and being blocked upon login now, and Paypal has been removed as a payment option. Luckily I’ve got a bunch of different sources of stuff while we wait for the Vault and/or Netflix to fill in old Nitros and RAWs and other stuff. But man, it still sucks.

Taped from Austin TX

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, celebrating eye health month with some quality puns.

Hacksaw Duggan & Sgt. Slaughter v. Barry Horowitz & Jesse Hernandez

Perfect notes that next time Duggan sticks his tongue out, someone should bite it off so that he is unable to go “Hooo” anymore and it’ll be more like a muted “mmmm”. Slaughter works a headlock on Barry and Team USA double-teams him with an elbow while we get an inset from the Nasty Boys about how they’re gonna meet Duggan & Sarge at the Rumble. Vince rightly points out how stupid this makes them sound, since it’s everyone for themselves in the match. Duggan tosses Horowitz and Sarge runs him into the post for good measure, while Duggan works on Hernandez with a hammerlock and then puts him away with the three point stance at 3:33.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY SUPERTAPE 92!

We take you back to the Barber Shop last week, as Sid declares himself the favorite since he’s never needed a manager or sidekick and thus he’s best suited to every man for himself matches. But not if Warlord, Big Bossman or Rick Martel have anything to say about it! And they do have stuff to say about it.

IRS v. Robert Taylor

Irwin puts him down with a back elbow and drops elbows, but Taylor rolls him up for two. So Irwin tosses him and puts the boots to him before finishing with the samoan drop at 1:48. Sadly Irwin was wished best in his future endeavours by DOGE this year.

EVENT CENTER! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

It’s big action coming to the Nassau Coliseum, including such main events as IRS v. Bossman and Undertaker v. Sid!

Meanwhile, let us take you back to This Tuesday in Texas, as Randy Savage drops the big elbow on Jake and pins him, but Jake gets some revenge with two DDTs and tries for another cobra bite. So Elizabeth runs down to plead for mercy, at which point Jake hits Savage with ANOTHER DDT right in front of her and then goes for the nuclear heat by slugging Liz down as well. Man they had so much heat on Jake here that I don’t know how they didn’t stretch it to Wrestlemania. And then we get a promo from Jake for the upcoming MSG main event, where Jake uses Pink Floyd for his quote of choice this time.

COMING APRIL 5! WRESTLEMANIA VIII! ALL KINDS OF CELEBRITIES! Who, Ray Combs?

El Matador v. Brian Donahue

Vince notes that Tito has made a resolution to be WWF champion. Come on, that would require he current champion to leave and someone to put his name on some sort of list for anyone to even consider that! That’s just silly. Tito runs him into the corner and dropkicks him to start, while we get an inset promo from Texas Tornado, who declares that friendships are OUT THE WINDOW in the Rumble. Especially if you try to take his drugs. Tito finishes with the El Pasa des Morte at 1:20.

The Funeral Parlor with special guest Ric Flair. He’s already the Real World’s champion, so winning the WWF title is honestly secondary for him, but humiliating Hulk Hogan and making him walk the earth for the rest of his life as #2 is the real payoff for him.

ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Did you know that the winner gets the WWF title? Now you do.

Meanwhile, we meet real life Native American Chris Chavis, who dances around a campfire with his people and promises to lead a new Indian nation. Vince notes that some people are saying he’s the greatest Native American athlete since Jim Thorpe! I really think that’s pretty disrespectful to Allan Iron Eagle if we’re being honest.

The Natural Disasters v. Ken Johnson & Bobby Jones

Quake hits Jones with a belly to belly, but Vince wonders if the Disasters have the tenacity to win the tag team titles? I was thinking that myself! Typhoon with a suplex and he puts the boots to Jones and follows with a backbreaker. Corner clothesline and they follow with a pair of corner splashes before Quake finishes with the butt splash into Typhoon’s big fat splash at 3:00. LOOK AT THE GIRTH! Thanks Vince, I’m gonna pass.

Meanwhile, Sean Mooney tries to sell us on the WBF Ultimate Personal Fitness Weekend, where you can participate in exciting SEMINARS on bodybuilding and nutrition. You know, like all the kids are talking about.

NEXT WEEK: The Nasty Boys! Virgil! Macho Man v. Barbarian! Wait a second, that last match was supposed to have been THIS week.