The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.10.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.10.87

Originally written 07.24.26

Thankfully I’m in a little better frame of mind than I was for the last classic Superstars rant. Well aside from the Blue Jays pretty much packing it in for the season and getting ready to trade away the entire team.

Taped from Phoenix, AZ on 12.09.86 as they stretch things out for an extra week due to the “Year in Review” episode last week.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

Billy Jack Haynes, Junkyard Dog & George Steele v. Mike Luca, Tim Patterson & Frenchie Martin

Frenchie beats on Billy Jack a bit to start, but Billy slams him. Hey wait, was Frenchie also from “a little town in France” like Black Blood, I wonder? Maybe they knew each other. Steele comes in with a slam on Martin and then continues showing off his moves on Patterson, and then JYD quickly Thumps Luca for the pin at 1:30. Obviously this was setting up some rando six-man on the house show circuit. For a while in early 87 they were headlining with elimination tag six-mans with various combinations of Savage/Steamboat, Race/JYD, Piper/Adonis, and Santana/Reed. They were pretty good, generally.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Bobby Heenan joins us to discuss Mr. Wonderful and his failure to win the WWF title thus far, but Paul is still very pumped about his philosophy of Wonderfulness and every violent thing that entails. He loves dropping people on their heads and feeling their necks go snap. Dude, who DOESN’T?

Hercules v. Alex Knight

I know I can’t be the only one disappointed that I sat through the Odyssey for three hours and there was absolutely no mention of noted Greek god Hercules Hernandez! He could have taught Odyssius how to shoot steroids in his ass. I bet Jason Mamoa could have played him. Herc drops elbows on Knight and quickly finishes with the torture rack at 1:00.

Meanwhile, Jesse continues grilling Bobby Heenan about all the money he spent on getting Andre suspended and where it went, but Bobby dodges the question and talks about Hercules instead.

Meanwhile, Blackjack Mulligan is herding cattle, although what he’s NOT doing is actually wrestling on TV despite doing these vignettes for weeks on end.

Jake Roberts v. Billy Anderson

The jobber is introduced from Arizona and gets a big pop as a result. Jake with a slam and he goes to work on the arm while Vince continues his slander of Danny Davis. We get an inset from Jake, who talks about how Hulk Hogan might have 24” pythons but his own python is more deadly. Why must they tease me with that feud when we’re never getting the payoff? Jake with the kneelift and DDT to finish at 1:30.

Meanwhile, the Honky Tonk Man and Colonel Jimmy Hart try to visit Graceland, but the grounds are too small for him and he decides to go build HONKYLAND instead.

The British Bulldogs v. The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff

Non-title match here as the Bulldogs’ title run limps to a close with Dynamite Kid’s fateful back injury happening four days after this TV taping and necessitating a title change. Kid puts Volkoff down with shoulderblocks but Slick trips him up and the heels take over. Sheik with a backdrop and clothesline for two. Gut wrench gets two. Sheik tries a suplex while Vince buries the Bulldogs as “not looking impressive”, but Kid gets his own suplex and a snap suplex on Sheik to make a comeback. Kid with a sleeper, but Slick rams the cane into Kid’s ribs, so Matilda chases Slick to the back and the Bulldogs are disqualified at 3:00. Danny Davis calls the dog “outside interference”, you see. Well at least he can’t do any worse to the Bulldogs.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Randy Savage. Macho brings an LJN figure of himself as a visual aid (Piper: “he’s got too much hair on top”) and gifts it to Piper while talking about how he smashed up Ricky Steamboat’s throat. So Piper has his own gift: A ringside ticket for watching Steamboat wrestle next week.

The Rougeau Brothers v. Jack Kruger & Kevin Collins

The Rougeaus double-team Collins with an elbow and hit him with a double dropkick. Over to Kruger and they finish him off with the senton and jackknife combo at 1:30.

Meanwhile, Outback Jack is out shaving in the woods, but he’s got no worries.

Butch Reed v. Reggie Parks

Holy cow, the belt-maker himself working a squash on Superstars! Butch beats on him in the corner and chokes him down on the ropes, but Parks gets a mini-comeback for the hometown pop and slugs away on Reed in the corner. But then Butch goes up and finishes him with the flying clothesline at 2:00. Hopefully Reggie made a belt for Butch to show his respect.

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura fights through screaming girls at the entrance to the arena, and he’s pretty sure it’s for Macho Man Randy Savage, but it turns out to be all for the Can-Am Connection! That is some delightfully non-subtle buildup there.

NEXT WEEK: Outback Jack! Well not WRESTLING, of course. We’re still something like a month away from that. Junkyard Dog v. Harley Race! Ricky Steamboat! Also Johnny V debuts a brand new mystery tag team! You may have heard of them before.