The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.07.89

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.07.89

OK let’s kick off this project.

GODDAMN that is a funky bassline on the intro!

Taped from Daytona Beach, FL, on 12.06.88.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura

Demolition v. Iron Mike Sharpe & Rusty Brooks

The Demos are newly turned at this point, without Fuji now, and mighty over as babyfaces. Rusty Brooks looks like he could be Otis’s dad, holy cow. We get an inset promo from the Powers of Pain, who understand that there will only be one winner of the Royal Rumble, and that will be Mr. Fuji. Brooks gets double-teamed and beat down in the corner while Vince speculates on all the crazy matchups we might see in the Rumble, like the Megapowers colliding! Or what if Demolition are the first two names picked? Like that would ever happen. Demolition Decapitation finishes at 2:40. This was basically the peak of Demolition.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND! BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE WWF MAGAZINE!

Big John Studd is back and he’s no longer part of the Bobby Heenan family! Also he wants to clarify that there’s big men and strong men in the WWF, but no one who is big AND strong such as himself. I can’t say as I can agree 100% with his detective work there.

Ted Dibiase v. Scott Casey

It’s winter, so Dibiase is making his residence in the Netherlands Antilles. Dibiase with a pair of hiptosses and Casey rolls him up for two while Vince speculates about the stamina of the Red Rooster. Jesse: “Uhhhhhhhhh….no.” Dibiase then does an inset promo where he hints that he might just buy a better position in the Royal Rumble, which indeed he did. Dibiase with the powerslam and Million Dollar Dream to finish at 2:04 while Vince accuses Jesse of being a dirty ref at Summerslam. “If I was dirty, then wouldn’t Dibiase and Andre have won the match?” Excellent point. I’m glad Jesse sued his ass.

EVENT CENTER! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

Mooney is a little more yell-y than he was later on in his career, doing the fake excitement bit before throwing to Rumble promos from the Bushwhackers and Rugged Ronnie Garvin.

Jake Roberts v. Pete Sanchez

Some quality jobbers on this show. Jake works the arm and slugs away in the corner while Vince discusses Andre and his fear of snakes, and Jake finishes with the short-arm clothesline and DDT at 1:55, really spiking him with it.

Big Bossman v. Bill Mulkey

A Mulkey on WWF TV? WORLDS ARE COLLIDING! Mulkey tries a bodypress and Bossman just pops him up and drops him with a spinebuster, and then clotheslines him to the floor while Slick does an inset promo with his new team of the Twin Towers. Well they would certainly get their moment soon enough. Back in, Bossman slam finishes at 1:44.

EVENT CENTER! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

Next up, we get promos from Mr. Perfect (strapless still!) and Macho Man Randy Savage. Macho’s got a big of a heel edge here. Wonder if that’ll pay off?

The Brainbusters v. Tim Horner & George South

DAMN. Horner tries a rollup on Tully and gets clotheslined on the top rope, and it’s over to AA, at which point Horner hits him with a rana and brings in South. Arn immediately cuts him off and drops an elbow on him, and WHAM, spinebuster follows. Back to Tully and the SPIKE PILEDRIVER finishes at 2:00 and Jesse is impressed. And he don’t impress easy. I’m also impressed, this was a badass squash.

The Brother Love Show with special guest Brutus Beefcake. He’s got a haircut match coming up against Outlaw Ron Bass, but he’s not sure which hairstyle to give him after he wins, so he brings a visual aid where he overlays wacky haircuts on a photo of Bass, including his favorite, which he calls “Mr. Bristlehead”. They talk about “this weekend” but weren’t allowed to mention Saturday Night’s Main Event because of TV station politics.

ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Gene lists the participants and we get some words from Bad News, Hercules, Andre the Giant, and then Warrior and Rick Rude. Warrior talking about how “he’s been tested by all the fans of the female species” and how he doesn’t accept the judgement of anyone who would bang Rick Rude is quite the shade for a Saturday morning syndicated show for kids.

The Hart Foundation v. Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine

Of course this is before Rhythm & Blues, when they were just teaming as a part of the Jimmy Hart family. Anvil slugs it out with Hammer and once again I have to question WHY WERE THESE MEN NEVER A TAG TEAM?!? Or why did we never get Valentine and Nikita Koloff as Hammer and Sickle? Or Valentine and Haku as Hammer and Tonga? OK I think I’m done. Bret slugs away on Honky, but a cheapshot turns the tide and Bret gets double-teamed in the heel corner until Hammer accidentally elbows Honky to set up the hot tag to Neidhart. He slams everyone and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as everyone collides, but Hammer breaks up the Hart Attack. And they continue fussing and feuding and fighting while Valentine locks in the figure-four on Anvil. Bret breaks that up, but Honky clocks him with the guitar to finally draw a DQ at 4:30 and end this ANARCHY with a double DQ. This needed more Gorilla Monsoon raging against the terrible refereeing job because it was spectacularly bad refereeing.

EVENT CENTER! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

Why the hell is Tito Santana so sweaty? Was he watching Cops?

NEXT WEEK: STUFF HAPPENS ON THAT SHOW THIS WEEKEND WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT! TITO SANTANA V. RED ROOSTER! MORE ON THE ROYAL RUMBLE!

Yeah this show was pretty awesome.