The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.04.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.04.92

As promised, back to the start of 1992 so I can wrap up the year properly, since the WWE Network collection starts with the changeover from “Superstars of Wrestling” in April.

Taped from Austin, TX, on 12.04.91, so we’re right at the end of a taping cycle for the first show of the year. Interestingly, the banners already have shifted to”WWF Superstars” and the logo is the “WWF Superstars” logo with “of Wrestling” just kind of put at the bottom, so they were clearly doing a soft launch of the new name before the official change.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, celebrating Prune Health Awareness with some quality puns and a green screen intro.

Rowdy Roddy Piper v. The Brooklyn Brawler

Ric Flair joins us via inset promo and doesn’t even think Piper is going to show up for the Rumble. Meanwhile Brawler steals Piper’s shirt and blows his nose on it, which prompts Roddy to destroy him with clotheslines and slug him down before finishing with the sleeper at 1:15, by PINNING him. Actually very rare to Piper to pin someone.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE WWF MERCH CATALOG!

Last week, the LOD defended the tag team titles against the Rockers, and retain them due to some miscommunication between Shawn and Marty. So Shawn smacks Marty around a bit, and Marty threatens to retaliate and then walks off instead.

The British Bulldog v. Louie Spicoli

Bulldog overpowers Spicoli and slams him as we get an inset from Hacksaw Duggan, who loves the Bulldog as much as anyone but he’s still gonna throw Bulldog out of the Rumble. Bulldog with a delayed suplex and he finishes with the powerslam at 1:30. Perfect: “Duggan has that board with him all the time. Any time you see Duggan, you get bored.” That’s some elite wordplay.

Oh hey, let’s take a look at the latest WBF magazine, where you can improve your pecs, and then sign up for the WBF Ultimate Fitness Weekend, which looks very normal and heterosexual.

Meanwhile, Sean Mooney runs down an interesting MSG card with Savage v. Roberts in the main event, and Bret Hart defending the IC title against the Undertaker. Unfortunately this one isn’t available as far as I know, but I think that Bret match was on a DVD collection. So Jake Roberts does a promo where he basically reads off the lyrics to U2’s “One” and hopes that no one notices. I NOTICED. I GOT THAT REFERENCE. I listened to a shitload of Achtung Baby back in the day.

The Mountie v. Rudi Gonzalez

Just remember, America, that if you ever try to invade Canada, the Mountie is who you’re messing with. Mountie takes Rudy Boy to the corner and runs him into the turnbuckles before taking him down with something like a clawhold before following with a backdrop. Meanwhile Finkel drops in with a plug for the WBF Ultimate Fitness Weekend on February 2, which is certainly not particularly appealing given how many guys from this time period died via drugs and/or heart attacks. Mountie finishes with a kneedrop at 2:22 and then handcuffs Gonzalez to the ropes before reading him his rights and putting him down with the shock stick. See, due process in action.

Macho Man Randy Savage joins Mean Gene for a special interview, and he wants to ascend to the top of the mountain again because he can see better from up there. And he’ll take out Sid, Undertaker or even Hulk Hogan to get there! Oh also he’s gonna drag Jake Roberts down to his level and destroy him by any means necessary.

The Beverly Brothers v. Scott Baizo & Ken Johnson

Jamison remains at ringside playing with Bushwhacker figures as I continue to wonder who that was supposed to be appealing to. And then we get an inset promo from the Whackers and Jamison as a BONUS. Beverlies double-team Johnson with a Broken Arrow and Blake adds a powerslam on Baizo and drops him on the top rope. Beau comes in with a double arm suplex they finish with the Shaker Heights Spike or whatever it was called that week at 2:50.

Meanwhile, Full Blood Indian Chris Chavis will be the river and carry sacred wisdom to all nations. Was it about how to inject steroids? Because I think lots of guys were way ahead of him there.

ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Did you know that the WWF title is on the line this year? Let’s hear from top contenders like Virgil and the Nasty Boys! And Sid wearing a windbreaker.

The Undertaker v. Richie Garvin

Perfect makes sure to bury “the other Garvins who used to wrestle around here” because he’s delightful. Taker with the leaping clothesline and he quickly finishes with the tombstone at 1:30 because he doesn’t work by the hour. And of course the jobber goes into a bodybag here at the tail end of Taker’s heel run.

EVENT CENTER! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

Sean notes that Taker had quite the body count in 1991. Was he even married yet at that point? Oh wait never mind. Anyway, we also learn that Sgt. Slaughter & Jim Duggan will be teaming up against the Nasty Boys at the MSG show that we can’t see. Plus VIRGIL AGAINST REPO MAN?! Oh man, I need to build a time machine and buy a ticket to his madness.

PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATIONS PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING! Hulk Hogan Vitamins! Double Dragon II…on Game Boy! Edge shaving gel! Roger Clemens baseball for NES!

NEXT WEEK: El Matador! The Natural Disaster! Ric Flair on the Funeral Parlor! And Barbarian faces the Macho Man!

Oh yeah we’re so back.