The SmarK Rant for WWF Spectrum Wrestling – 11.22.85

The SmarK Rant for WWF Spectrum Wrestling – 11.22.85

Originally written 08.01.25

You may have heard about this one before.

I’m trying the new MacOS 26 Beta on my 2020 Macbook Pro, which is like the oldest computer that it actually works on, so if anything glitches out midway through the review blame Apple. I’d roll it back but it’s SO BEAUTIFUL.

Taped from Philly

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Dick Graham

Moondog Spot v. King Tonga

Spot immediately bails and goes for his bone, which history teaches us was likely a femur ripped out of the body of someone who challenged Tonga to a fight in a bar. Back in the ring, Spot throws punches and immediately gets chopped down and retreats to the floor. Back in, Tonga works the arm while Gorilla wonders how he can get so big on “coconuts and bananas”. Is that one of Zahorian’s code words? Actually never mind, I don’t want Haku to read this and get angry with me. Spot with a bodypress for two, but Tonga goes back to the arm after some dancing. Spot tries to climb the ropes to escape, but Tonga yanks him down to maintain the armbar. Graham runs down the upcoming card (which sounds pretty good actually) but neglects the one match that this show would be remembered for decades later, oddly enough. Spot finally drops Tonga on the top rope to break loose and goes to work with kneelifts before taking him down with a chinlock. Tonga fires up and shakes off Spot’s punches, but Spotty takes him down with an atomic drop and flying kneedrop for two. Tonga fights up again, but misses an elbow and Spot gets one and chinlocks him again. Spot beats him down and gets two and hits him with a mule kick, then blocks a bodypress attempt with a backbreaker for two. They collide for a double down and Spot decides to go to the top rope, but Tonga slams him off, and then Spot tosses him to the floor to cut off the comeback. They slug it out on the floor, but Tonga comes in with a sunset flip for the pin at 14:29. Didn’t have a lot of heat from the crowd but I really enjoyed this one as a simple, easy to watch opener. Was it another Moondog Spot Hidden Gem? I think so. ***

Hercules Hernandez v. Jose Luis Rivera

Herc debuted just a week or so before this. Gorilla notes that he’s coming out of the Florida territory. I heard there’s another kid in the Florida territory at this point that might be pretty good someday, too. Herc tosses Rivera around and drops elbows on him, and then goes to a front facelock and tortures him for a while before switching to a suplex. That gets two, but he picks Rivera up. Back suplex gets two and he picks the guy up again. Rivera tries fighting back, but puts his head down and gets clobbered. Herc with a press slam and he finishes with the torture rack at 8:00. Hey, maybe that kid in Florida should try that one as a finisher, as well. Match was pretty slow but Herc got over as a killer by the end. *1/2

Meanwhile, Hillbilly Jim is happier than a pig in slop to be facing Big John Studd tonight in our main event.

Big John Studd v. Hillbilly Jim

Jim was coming off a gnarly broken leg that derailed his career and he never was able to come back from it fully, unfortunately. The heat for this one is molten, and they slug it out until Jim goes for a slam and Studd has to grab the top rope to save himself $15,000. Jim tries it again after Studd takes a breather, but Studd grabs the ropes again and hits Jim in the gut to take over. He uses CLUBBING FOREARMS and then goes to the top rope for a SUPER CLUBBING FOREARM to set up a bearhug. Jim escapes that and does his own, and then beats on the back and sends Studd to the floor. Well they started really hot and this has quickly run out of steam. Studd works him over and then runs away again, and they fight on the floor until Studd hits the post by mistake and Jim beats the count at 10:25. Bad match with a cheap finish. ½*

Corporal Kirchner v. Barry O

Barry overpowers Kirchner to start and then runs away, but the Corporal hits him with armdrags and cradles him for two. Kirchner gets some slams and works the arm while some guy at ringside yells “HEY KIRCHNER MY CHIROPRACTOR SLAMS ME HARDER THAN YOU DO!” Man when you lose the Philly crowd you’re in trouble. Barry sends him to the floor and slingshots him in for two, then drops a fist on him for two. Powerslam gets two after some shots on the ropes as Kirchner is just selling and selling and he’s even worse at selling than he is on offense. And he looks like a drunk orangutan when he’s on offense as it is. Finally Kirchner makes a comeback and crotches Barry on the post, and then follows with a monkey flip and atomic drop. Suplex gets two. Samoan drop finishes at 10;44. Well this was certainly a Corporal Kirchner match. *

Mr. Fuji & Magnificent Muraco v. Tito Santana & Ricky Steamboat

Fuji Vice attacks before Steamboat even makes it to the ring, and Ricky is already busted open while Fuji chokes Tito out in the ring. So Gorilla actually leaves the desk and goes to check on Ricky while Muraco beats on Tito in the corner. Meanwhile Steamboat gets escorted to the back, leaving Tito to get pummelled, but Tito makes his own comeback and slams both guys while the crowd goes crazy for him. Tito works on Muraco’s arm, so Fuji tags in and Tito takes him down as well. Tito keeps fighting them both off, but Muraco hits him with chops, so Tito takes him down again and stomps the hand before going to an armbar. Muraco fights out, so Tito gets a bodypress for two and goes back to the arm. Muraco tries to tag out and Tito pulls him back with the armbar, somehow cutting off the ring by himself. Fuji tries a splash and Tito gets the knees up and hits his own bodypress for two, and then goes back to the arm again. Finally Muraco comes in and Fuji gets a cheapshot from the apron to turn the tide. Muraco goes up with a flying knee, but that misses and Tito now goes to work on the leg to set up the figure-four. Fuji makes the save and then hits Tito with the patented banzai headbutt to the southern regions, and chokes Tito out in the corner. But then Steamboat returns, all blood and bandaged up, and he tags himself in and makes the save. He beats on both heels and chases Muraco to the floor, and then jumps back in and cradles Fuji for the pin at 12:50. And the heels attack him again, but Tito makes the save and the babyfaces are triumphant! Man those two could have been an all time great tag team if they had chosen to go in that direction. ***

The Hart Foundation v. Cousin Junior & Uncle Elmer

The hillbilly contingent reminds me of the people currently trying to separate from Canada in Alberta. Bret tries to work on Junior, but Junior hits him with an atomic drop and Anvil comes in to give it a try. Junior takes him down with armdrags. Over to Elmer and he beats on Anvil with forearms and yanks on the beard. And then thankfully Junior tags in and Bret gets his patented shot from the apron to put the Harts in control. They chinlock Junior endlessly and Elmer eventually gets the hot tag and stumbles around until Bret finally grabs the cowbell and nails Junior for the pin at 10:11. Well this was one of the worst ever Hart Foundation matches. DUD

David Sammartino v. Ron Shaw

Time for the real main event! David was increasingly sick of being a wrestler in the WWF by this point, and this was the result. Shaw immediately beats on David and whips him into the corner, then adds a pair of slams for two. Shaw chokes him out while Gorilla claims that Shaw broke his leg one night in “Saskatchewan, Alberta, Canada” which is not a place that exists. Shaw worked matches a year before his in Regina and Calgary and then took a year off, so it was certainly either Saskatchewan OR Alberta, but not both. Shaw suddenly goes to a bearhug, and David submits at 2:05, verbally yelling “Yes!” and waving at the ref to stop it. And the announcers, referee, and ring announcer are all confused, but Shaw is declared the winner as Gorilla declares that the ref must have misheard. And that was it for David in the WWF! What an exit.

Andre the Giant v. King Kong Bundy

Andre fights off Bundy’s attack and throttles him with a standing chinlock, so Bundy tries to walk up the ropes and the ref tells Andre to break. And Andre lets him go. That’s always a funny spot. Bundy boots him down and goes to a facelock. And that lasts a LONG time, until Andre forces him into the corner for the break. Finally Andre beats Bundy down with chops, but Bundy hits him with an Avalanche and Andre no-sells that and gets his own corner splash. Ref gets bumped between them and Bobby runs in with a pair of brass knuckles, but Hillbilly Jim makes the save and another ref calls for the double DQ at 7:50. I don’t know if Andre was hurting really badly that night or whatever, but he did not look like he wanted to be out there at all. DUD

Well aside from one of the most famously notable matches of all time, there wasn’t much to this one, unfortunately, aside from Tito and Dragon teaming up again and being awesome.