The SmarK Rant for WWF on PRISM – 03.14.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF on PRISM – 03.14.87

Originally written 01.21.26

Taped from Philadelphia, PA, drawing 16483! Given the main event I’m not shocked at all. Thanks as always to Richard Land and the Fish & Chips archive!

Your hosts are Dick Graham & Killer Ken Resnick

Paul Roma v. Steve Lombardi

Yup, it’s the most 1987 opening match ever. The announcers immediately put over Roma’s Australian tour, which we were always hearing about at the time for some reason. To be fair, Roma teamed up with SD Jones and they did win a bunch of undercard matches on the tour, so there’s that. Roma slams Lombardi and chases him into the corner before taking him down with a headlock. Roma with a bodypress for two and Roma goes to the armbar to retain control. Lombardi comes back with a backbreaker for two and he puts the boots to Paul to take over. Lombardi with the chinlock, but Roma escapes and clotheslines him. Lombardi blocks a monkey flip and brings him down with an atomic drop, and follows with a suplex for two. Roma runs him into the post and slugs away in the corner to make the comeback, then puts him down with a clothesline for two. Roma with a powerslam for two. To the top for a flying sunset flip, and that finishes at 9:53. This was two pros having a professional match and it was a good opener. **3/4. Roma was actually showing good babyface fire here for once and the sunset flip was a good finish for him.

Butch Reed v. The Rebel Dick Slater

OK this is also a pretty 1987 match. Ken describes the impending Wrestlemania as “the largest indoor event of any kind, anywhere” which is very much a lie. Slater chases Reed into the corner with the threats of FISTICUFFS and goes to work on the arm, but Reed slams out. We get some slow motion headlocks to kill the crowd and Reed finally piledrives Slater to send him to the floor, and they do a bit of fighting on the floor as it looks like Reed is blown up from walking around the ring. They brawl out there and Slater makes a comeback with an elbow off the top, which gets two. Slick puts Reed’s leg on the ropes to save, so Slater chases him like an idiot and then walks into a rollup in the corner and gets pinned at 8:21. This was terrible and Slater was horribly miscast as a babyface at this point. ¼*

Frenchy Martin v. Outback Jack

Oh my fucking god. Jack actually gets a decent reaction from the kids in the crowd but he’s exhibit #1 for And Then The Bell Rang. We get an extended bit where Martin tries to take him down and Jack fights him off, as nothing is happening and they barely make contact for the first few minutes. Martin finally beats him down with clubbering forearms, but Jack comes back with a splash for two. And then he hits the Boomerang Clothesline to finish at 5:00. DUD

WWF World tag team title: The Hart Foundation v. The Islanders

OK this should pick things up. Well, not immediately, as the first 5 minutes consist of the Harts stalling and Neidhart wanting a posedown with Haku. Finally we get going as Anvil and Haku do a test of strength and Haku kicks him in the face to win, chasing Jim back to the corner to bring Bret in. Haku immediately superkicks him as well and follows with an atomic drop, and that brings in Tama as they work the legs. Tama with a headlock and he chops Bret down as the announcers mix up “Haku” and “Tama” and occasionally “Afa” for good measure. I know the Polynesian relations are confusing but COME ON, these two don’t look anything alike. Back to Neidhart, so Haku comes in and the Islanders double-team Anvil’s arm. Double chop follows and Bret tries his famous knee from the apron, but Tama catches him, so Anvil just clobbers him from behind instead. 4D chess! Bret comes in with a legdrop and drops elbows, and Anvil works Tama over in the corner while Bret chokes him out with the tag rope. Anvil drops Tama on the top rope while the announcers bury the ref for losing control of the match. You guys can’t even get the names of the babyfaces correct! Danny Davis beats on Tama outside to draw some heat, and back in for a dropkick from Bret that gets two. Tama with a sunset flip, but Bret tags Anvil on the way down and Neidhart goes to a chinlock. Finally Tama fights out and they collide for a double down. Tama up first and tries a slam, but Bret dropkicks them over and Tama rolls through for two. So Bret rakes his face on the ropes, but he misses a blind charge and it’s HOT TAG Haku. He goes crazy and Haku is a really great hot tag guy at this point. Danny gets involved and gets nailed, while Tama hits Bret with a flying bodypress, but Davis pushes them over and Bret steals the pin at 18:26 to retain. Classic heel Hart Foundation era here as they were really gaining in confidence as tag team champions by the day. ***1/2

Tom Zenk v. Greg Valentine

Quite the robe on Valentine tonight. Hammer starts with the chops in the corner, but Zenk goes to work on the arm and Greg bails to the apron to escape. They slug it out in the corner and Zenk goes back to the arm while Resnick talks about his longtime friendship with Hulk Hogan. Don’t talk too much about it, Hulk might turn on you like he does with all his other “friends”. Valentine takes over and hangs Zenk in the Tree of Woe for some shots there and then walks on Zenk’s back to keep him down. Valentine goes to a surfboard while they run down the Wrestlemania 3 card as this is taking a surprising amount of time to get going. Greg with something that looked like he was trying a shoulderbreaker and then switched to a tombstone and then changed his mind again and just kind of slammed Zenk for two. Even the announcers are like “WTF was that?” Zenk slugs back but Hammer suplexes him onto the top rope to cut him off. Valentine with the figure-four, but Zenk makes the ropes and they fight on the floor, but Zenk gets thrown out of the ring like a complete goof and then comes back with a rollup for two. Dropkick gets two. Valentine finally crotches him on the top rope and I guess that’s a DQ at 11:10? These two were just not on the same page whatsoever and the whole match was a mess. *

Rick Martel v. Brutus Beefcake

Well this makes sense. Big stall to start from Beefcake as he gets a cheapshot and then hides in the ropes. They trade shots in the corner and Martel wins that slugfest, chasing Beefcake to the floor for more stalling. Brutus goes to the headlock, but Martel escapes with a hiptoss, so Beefcake beats on him in the corner and then misses a blind charge. But then Beefcake takes over again and works Martel over as this one kind of drags. They do the spot where the babyface bridges out of a knucklelock and Martel comes back with an atomic drop. Beefcake with the press slam backbreaker for two. He used that move a lot as a heel and it was never good. He was better off as a babyface because he just could spend the match selling and then do his sleeper to win. Beefer with a bearhug as we need Dave Chapelle’s WRAP IT UP button here. Brutus to the top, but Martel hits him on the way down and makes the comeback, running him into the turnbuckles for two. Martel with the abdominal stretch, but Resnick takes his role of subbing for Gorilla seriously and immediately criticizes it. Martel with a sleeper, but Beefcake runs him into the corner and they both hit the floor and it’s a double countout at 15:40. It looked like they were doing a finish where Martel accidentally backdropped Beefcake into the ring to beat the count, but nope. Total slog. ½*

Piper’s Pit with special guest Danny Davis. Piper does some hockey commentary, noting that the Flyers might be terrible but so are the Montreal Canadiens. Actually the Flyers made the Cup finals in 87 against the Oilers before blowing it, so they had a pretty good year. Anyway, Danny talks about the end of his refereeing career and how he was cheated out of his job by Jack Tunney. So he notes that Piper “can ask any referee” about Danny’s fair refereeing, and Piper grabs Joey Marella from ringside and does just that. Joey: “He really sucks”. Danny brings out Adrian Adonis as a surprise guest, but Piper quickly backdrops Adrian over the top rope to get rid of him. And then he slugs Davis down to leave him laying and end the segment. This was what you’d expect, although of course it was definitely not the final Piper’s Pit in Philly or anywhere else.

Dino Bravo v. SD Jones

NO! BRING BACK OUTJACK JACK! I’M SORRY! I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK! Dino attacks SD and puts the boots to him before Jones can even get his jacket off. Jones comes back with some slams, but tries a charge and gets dropped by Bravo to take over again. Bravo with the Boston crab and SD powers out of it, but he misses another charge and Dino finishes him off with the sideslam at 3:00. Ken Patera was watching from prison and thinking “That’s a hell of a finish!” And then he got distracted and someone stole his honey bun. DUD

Hulk Hogan & Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Kamala & Paul Orndorff

Kind of crazy that Mr. Wonderful single-handedly drew 16,000 to the Spectrum here and didn’t even make the Wrestlemania card two weeks later. Poor Piper not only doesn’t get to use his own music thanks to egomaniac Hogan, but he doesn’t even get an INTRODUCTION! He was retiring in two weeks and Hulk probably threatened the ring announcer to make sure he was the only one who got any attention here. Piper works the arm on Orndorff, but as usual Hulk comes in and screws it up for his team, with Kamala choking him out from the apron. So Hulk cheats and runs the heels together before letting Piper actually take care of business again, and Roddy slugs away on Kamala in the corner and dropkicks him for a giant pop. Back to Hulk for a double boot and bodyslam. Wow, a bodyslam, what a technician. What a hero. Back to Piper, but Hogan conveniently distracts the ref and allows the heels to choke out Piper so he can look like the hero later. Wonderful drops elbows on Piper and goes to a chinlock, but Hogan again conveniently comes in too early and gets escorted out, leaving his “friend” to get beat up and softened up by the heels. You know, just in case Piper ever decided to challenge Hulk for the title again. Hulk probably threatened him into retirement and then told him to come back to wrestling later when his acting career was going to overshadow Hulk’s. The timing is pretty sus, as the kids say. Kamala with the big splash while the ref deals with Hogan’s bullshit again and Orndorff goes to the nerve hold. Hulk makes sure to tag Piper when the ref isn’t looking so he looks like a victim again, but then Piper has finally had enough of Hulk’s gaslighting and tags him in himself. So Hulk runs wild and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but the heels collide and Hulk pins Orndorff at 8:55. Luckily Piper gets out of there before Hulk has a chance to turn on him. **

Not a particularly good show, unfortunately, although the booking was clever in that they made sure to have the people who missed WM3 taking losses here to protect the people getting pushed. But really there’s not much here to recommend.