The SmarK Rant for WWF Maple Leaf Gardens – 03.23.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Maple Leaf Gardens – 03.23.86

(Originally written 07.15.25)

I had a request for this one recently and the main event is certainly up my alley. As always, many thanks to the glorious hard work of Richard Land and the Fish & Chips Patreon for providing these.

Taped from Toronto, ON

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura

King Tonga v. Paul Christy

Christy hides in the ropes while Tonga repeatedly tries for the takedown. Finally Tonga gets sick of it and goes to an armbar while Gorilla tells a story he supposedly read in the paper about an amateur wrestler who was up 13-0 and got DQ’d for slamming his opponent. That sounds made up. Tonga works the arm and they criss cross until Tonga chops him down and Christy hides in the corner again. To the floor for some stalling and back in for more stalling and finally Christy does SOMETHING, choking Tonga out. Christy goes to a half-assed chinlock and just think how lazy you have to be in order to half-ass a CHINLOCK. Christy continues his choking on the ropes, but Tonga slams him and then misses a splash. Christy goes back to the choking but Tonga’s finally had enough of this guy and just chops the shit out of him before putting his lights out with the superkick at 9:42. Christy brought nothing to the table here. *

The Moondogs v. The Rougeau Brothers

Very early in the WWF run for the Rougeaus here. Gorilla notes that Rex is making his return after a “lengthy absence”, which of course was slyly referring to his run in Mid-South stinking up the main event for a while. The Rougeaus double-team Rex with some nice double-teams and Jacques dropkicks the knee and goes to work on it before dragging Rex to the babyface corner. They keep making quick tags and doubling on the leg, but Rex stretches far enough to tag Spot. So the Rougeaus immediately take Spot down and work HIS leg, doing the fast tags in and out. Gorilla immediately gets the Rougeaus confused while Jacques stays on the leg, and then Raymond slams him and Jacques comes in with a double stomp and a jackknife cradle while Rex distracts the ref. So Jacques carries on with a toehold and the Rougeaus switch off behind the ref’s back until Rex tags in. And Raymond kicks his leg out and tries working it, but Rex kicks him into the corner for a shot from Spot to turn the tide. Raymond comes back with a sunset flip for two, but Rex goes to the chinlock until Raymond fights out and gets a bodypress for two. Spot helps send him to the floor and adds a shot to the railing. Back in, Spot with a splash off the middle rope for two and he goes to the chinlock, but Raymond fights out of that before running into a kneelift and shoulderbreaker for two. Rex drops him on the top rope for two, but Raymond comes back with a suplex, only for Spot to cut off the tag. These guys are PROS. Raymond with a crossbody and Spot goes back to the chinlock to really milk the crowd heat for the Rougeaus, and then they do the false tag spot to crank it up even more as the crowd goes nuts. Rex with the bearhug and he slugs out of it, and it’s HOT TAG Jacques as the crowd explodes. He runs wild with dropkicks and forearms and rams the Moondogs together for two on Rex. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and the Moondogs collide again, and this time Raymond puts Rex in the sleeper while Jacques holds off Spot, and Rex is out at 16:10. This was a home run debut in Tortonto for the Rougeaus after moving over from Montreal. ***1/2 You could tell Gorilla LOVED these guys, too.

Leaping Lanny Poffo v. Cowboy Bob Orton

Orton has no cast tonight, which Poffo calls out in his poem in a sick burn that’s probably gonna backfire on him. They fight for the takedown and Poffo wins that battle and then conrols on the mat with a hammerlock. Bob takes him down for a facelock, but Lanny reverses to his own and goes to work on the arm. Orton shoves him through the ropes and onto the ringside table, and uses the bell to ring his bell before running him into the turnbuckle and then powerslamming him back in the ring for two. Orton misses a blind charge, however, and Poffo comes back and slugs him down for two. And then he wraps up a bunch of limbs and tries for another pinfall, but only gets one. Orton takes him to the corner and peppers him with punches to put him down, before putting him into a cravat and then using an oddly familiar-looking move that comes OUTTA NOWHERE for two. He dumps Poffo to the floor, but Lanny comes in with a cradle for two and makes the comeback with a suplex. Rolling cradle gets two. Springboard senton gets two. He gets flustered and slugs away on the mat for two, but Orton is in the ropes, so he goes up with the moonsault and that only gets two. Poffo works him over in the corner and sends Orton into the other corner before hanging him in the Tree of Woe and choking him out in desperation, and a dropkick sends Orton to the ramp but Poffo is running out of bullets in the gun. Orton sells like he’s drunk, but he suckers Poffo into trying another dropkick and that misses. But Lanny goes up again, and Orton cuts him off and puts him away with the superplex at 12:14. Holy crap where did THIS match come from? Orton was selling his ass off for Poffo and they were doing RKOs and moonsaults here in 1986 and this was kind of awesome. ***3/4. This is for sure a hidden gem that I’d recommend checking out.

Martial Arts Match: Magnificent Muraco v. Ricky Steamboat

Good thing it wasn’t a Marital Arts match or else things would have gotten awkward. So they’re wearing karate jackets here and Muraco looks like he’s fresh from the spa. Steamboat hits him with chops and kicks him over the top and out to the ramp. Back in, Steamboat catches him in a nice judo throw and Muraco bails to the apron while Fuji messes with Gorilla and gets told off. Back in the ring, Muraco tries some chops, but Steamboat sends him to the ramp with an enzuigiri. Back in, Steamboat grabs a headlock and Muraco yanks his hair, which the announcers admit to not knowing the legality here in this “karate match”. Dragon with a neckbreaker and he takes Muraco down with a side headlock as we don’t have a lot of karate going on here. They’re basically working a normal match in silk bathrobes. Steamboat chops him down and slams him before going to a chinlock, but Muraco escapes with a samoan drop for a double down. Fuj the Stooge gives Ricky a shot with the cane and Muraco takes over before missing a charge and hitting the post. Dragon goes after Fuji with a chair and they brawl on the floor, where Muraco catapults Steamboat into the chair in dramatic fashion. Back in the ring, Muraco unleashes his KARATE to take over as Steamboat is bleeding his own blood, and Muraco steals Steamboat’s own karate belt and whips him while Steamboat screams in agony with his arms trapped by his own jacket. This man is a genius babyface. Muraco chokes him out with the belt but Steamboat runs Muraco into the post and makes the comeback. He chops Muraco down and steals Muraco’s belt for some ironic punishment, as he wraps the two belts together and then beats on Muraco extra hard while his arms are trapped. Steamboat clotheslines him with the belts and goes up with the flying chop before beating him down in the corner while the ref trs to stop him. So Ricky shoves the ref out of the way and then the idiot ref runs into Steamboat and gets knocked out. GET OUT OF HIS WAY, DUMMY! Muraco gets the visual pinfall while the ref is out, but Fuji revives the ref and Steamboat reverses a cradle for the pin at 16:10. HOT DAMN this was great! ***1/2. Just give me the heel kicking the shit out of Ricky Steamboat for 15 minutes and a big bowl of popcorn and I’m happy.

The Body Shop with special guest Mr. T. He’s wearing a kilt and carrying a rubber chicken because Roddy Piper is a CHICKEN. T talks about getting trained by Joe Frazier and Jesse makes fun of him for that, but T tells him off and Jesse declares the interview over and they yell at each other until Gorilla comes in and takes Jesse away to calm him down. That T-Piper feud was so terrible.

The Hart Foundation v. The Killer Bees

I was hoping for a Bulldogs match but I’ll take this because it’ll probably rule too. Bret goes after Blair to start and Brian puts him down with a back suplex. Over to Anvil, and Blair gets a bodypress for two while Gorila brings up the days of Jesse and Adrian Adonis teaming up. Well Brunzell would certainly remember those days. The Bees work on Anvil’s leg and double-team him in the corner. Over to Bret, but Brunzell gets a sunset flip for two and the Bees use a unique double stepover toehold on Bret before Blair goes to a deathlock. Blair with the figure-four, but Anvil breaks that up and the Harts go to work. Blair fights back and Bret gets the classic knee from the apron to put him down. Harts with a Demolition elbow on Blair for two. Bret with a backbreaker for two. Blair with a sunset flip on Anvil while the ref is distracted by Bret complaining about some college football player he saw on TV that day, and Blair gets trapped in the Hart corner. Bret whips Anvil into Blair in the corner and that gets two. But of course they try it a second time, and this time Bret takes his bump to the corner and Anvil has to cheat and put Bret on top for two. Neidhart with the bearhug, but Blair fights out of it, so Bret comes in and beats him down to cut off the tag. Bret with the facelock and they cut off the ring for the false tag, but the Harts collide and it’s hot tag Jumpin Jim. High knee for Bret and Brunzell hits the dropkick for two and it’s BONZO GONZO. They all slug it out and the Harts collide again, but the ref puts Blair back to the apron, allowing Anvil to nail Brunzell from the apron and put Bret on top for the pin at 15:12. Usual good match between these two. ***1/4

Iron Mike Sharpe v. Corporal Kirchner

The Corporal is waving a Canadian flag to suck up to Toronto, which Jesse calls out as pandering behavior. Gorilla: “Did the SEALS have a flag?” Jesse: “Heck no. He should just come out with a skull and crossbones.” Criss-cross and Kirchner gets a pair of slams to chase Mike to the floor, and he slingshots Canada’s Greatest Athlete back in the ring for more slams. Kirchner slugs away in the corner but misses a charge and lands on the ramp. Back in, Sharpe works on Kirchner for a bit but the Corporal makes a boring comeback with a monkey flip before missing a dropkick. Sharpe loads up the forearm brace for extra support, but Kirchner grabs his forearm and hits Sharpe with his own arm for the pin at 8:00. Well this one broke up the string of bangers with a thud. ½*

Jake Roberts v. George Wells

BIG reaction for Jake here as I guess they were practicing this one before Wrestlemania. Jake was another one fresh off Mid-South as Vince was shopping the territories like they were Amazon. Wells takes Jake down with armdrags and puts Jake down with a shoulderblock, sending Jake slithering to the floor. Gorilla complains about guys getting his space out there and notes that the next guy is gonna get a receipt. Jake sends George to the floor and hits him with an elbow on the way in while Gorilla rags on Wells for being so fat. Jake with a slam to take over and he drops a knee for two before going to a chinlock. And that goes on for a long while, until Wells comes back with a pair of football tackles. But then he misses a third one and hits the turnbuckle, and Jake pins him at 8:52. Yeah this was terrible. Wells was all time bad. DUD

Terry & Hoss Funk & Jimmy Hart v. Andre the Giant & Junkyard Dog

Finkel’s amused “weighing 159 pounds” for Jimmy is great. Andre v. Terry Funk has to overachieve. There’s zero chance it’s not awesome. Andre immediately squeezes him with a headlock and JYD comes in and hits Terry with a headbutt, so it’s over to Hoss. Dog with slams on both Funks and then he goes after Jimmy, but the Funks run interference and everyone escapes to the ramp before disaster strikes. Back in the ring, the Funks somehow get tricked into criss-crossing with each other while the Dog steps back and watches. So then Hoss goes over and pokes the Andre bear in a stupid move, but Dog decides not to tag. Hoss pounds Dog with uppercuts in the corner while Jimmy delivers motivational megaphone speech on the apron, and Terry comes in with a piledriver on the Dog. So it’s JIMMY HART time and he puts the boots to him, but Dog of course gets annoyed and Jimmy has to tag out again. Terry sends JYD to the floor and the heels work him over out there. Back in the ring, Dog runs Terry into the turnbuckles for a 10 count, but Hoss comes in again and cuts off the ring with a sleeper. Hoss lets him go and Terry comes in and does his own. And then Jimmy comes in with his version of the sleeper and Dog just throws him off and tags Andre. So Andre wallops the Funks and then just rams Jimmy into the post like swatting a fly, sending him flying. But the Funks swarm Andre and manage to beat him down in the corner, until an irritated Andre just chops Hoss down. But he gets tied in the ropes and the Funks double-team him, with Terry desperately throwing chops until an amused Andre decides to throw his own. Funk selling the chops is INCREDIBLE. Funks double-team JYD again and set up Jimmy for a megaphone shot from the top, and that’s a DQ at 12:20. But Andre gets rid of the Funks, leaving Jimmy alone, and Andre tosses him over the top and onto the Funks for good measure. Crazy Terry Funk trying to figure out how to deal with ANDRE THE GIANT is comedy that writes itself, even if the match wasn’t top notch or anything. But man Andre looked like he was having fun. **1/4

Although the main event is what really attracted me to the show, this is a ROCKING undercard with a bunch of legit great matches in a row and is well worth your two hours to check it out. I’d advise jumping in your time machine and watching it on Classics on Demand when it was available 15 years ago, assuming you have a time machine. If not, well, sucks to be you.