The SmarK Rant for WWF In Your House VIII: Beware of Dog – 05.26.96

So we come to this one again, one of the biggest disasters in WWF PPV history, although only some of that was their own fault. Although presented as “Beware of Dog” here, it’s more rightly called “Beware of Dog 2” as shown on the WWE Network, the make-good PPV sewn together from half of the original show and half of a new live PPV done at the Superstars tapings two days later.

Live from Florence, SC, drawing 4700 paid and a 0.45 buyrate, which was pretty anemic for the time and down from the last IYH show. And then they had to refund quite a lot of orders after what went down, which pretty much made it a wash as far as their profit.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

On The Pre-Show: The Smoking Gunns win the WWF tag team titles from the Godwinns, kicking off their best reign and giving us Cowgirl Sunny in a win-win.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley v. Marc Mero

This is clearly the Tuesday edit because they’ve got all kinds of fake crowd noise overdubbed in after stitching the two shows together. Mero attacks to start and chases Hunter around the ring, but they slug it out in the corner and Hunter bumps over the top to the floor. Mero hits him with a pescado and back in with a slingshot legdrop for two. Hunter with a Flair Flip and Mero slugs him down for two. Mero misses a charge and hits the post, allowing Hunter to send him to the floor to take over while Lawler continues his ridiculous run of pretending Sable is ugly. Back in the ring, Hunter with a single arm DDT and he goes to work while Vince has an ominous warning about storms causing technical difficulties tonight. Hunter slugs away in the corner and beats him down while Vince puts over the “Harvey Wippleman does something about suspect officiating” storyline that was ongoing for some reason. Hunter works the arm and wraps it around the post as they seem to have forgotten about the canned heat now. Hunter takes him down with a cross armbreaker and works on that as the crowd is so quiet you can probably hear the thunder outside, but Mero makes the ropes. Hunter loudly calls spots and drops a knee on the arm before going back to an armbar again. Mero comes back with a rollup for two, but Hunter puts him down with a clothesline for two. Back to the arm again as this drags on, and Hunter goes up with a flying clubbing forearm and yet another armbar. They usually had good chemistry but this has been a whole lot of nothing so far. Hunter goes up and Mero brings him down with a top rope rana and makes the comeback. Mero with the backdrop and he goes up with a flying sunset flip for two. Dropkick puts Hunter on the floor and Mero follows with a somersault tope, but that misses and he hurts his knee now. Yikes, that replay looked BAD. Back in the ring, Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Sable isn’t watching him so he declines to finish the move. So he orders her to watch this time and tries it again, but Mero slingshots him into the corner and pins him at 16:29. Dull match with a weak finish. **1/2

Meanwhile, Mr. Perfect interviews Camp Cornette, who has a bombshell for Shawn Michaels later tonight, but won’t reveal it yet.

WWF title: Shawn Michaels v. British Bulldog

OK, so we cut ahead to the main event after a power outage that lasted an hour thanks to the storms, having skipped three matches. Importantly, at this point they were back on PPV, but Shawn Michaels later claimed that he was told that they weren’t. But he does a backstage promo with Dok and bumps into Mr. Perfect on the way to the ring, so obviously he did know they were back on air. Yeah I know, Shawn full of shit, film at 11. At this point Vince announces the Tuesday redo show, which is kind of down the rabbit hole because this actual show is the Tuesday redo show. MY MIND IS BEING BLOWN. And then Clarence Mason DROPS THE BOMBSHELL on Shawn to really give this heat: He’s filing a lawsuit for ATTEMPTED ALIENATION OF AFFECTION. Is that even a thing? Lawyers? Bulldog attacks to start because Shawn is doubtless shooken to the core by this lawsuit, but somehow Shawn manages to send Bulldog to the floor and follows with a dive. Man, these two guys had the biggest run of cursed matches imaginable. Their IC title match in 1992 ended up with Bulldog getting fired soon after, and then this one was a disaster on multiple levels, and then they had the One Night Only match that was also a huge stain on wrestling. Back in the ring, Shawn grabs a headlock and works on that while conversing with the ref, which would track with his claims that he didn’t know they were on the air I guess. Bulldog fights out of that and Shawn gets puts him down with an enzuigiri for two. Shawn with the armbar and he takes Bulldog down with a short arm scissors, which Bulldog powers out of to take over. Meanwhile Vince casts aspersions on the reliability of Marty Jannetty’s testimony earlier on Superstars, which is uncalled for. It had been months since Marty was arrested or fired at this point! Cut the man some slack! Bulldog goes to work and puts the boots to Shawn before going to a chinlock. Could Vince not slip a note to the ref and tell them that they’re back on PPV so maybe PICK IT UP A BIT? Bulldog with a body vice, but Shawn reverses out of that, so Bulldog drops him with a crucifix and drops a leg on him for two. Bulldog with another lengthy chinlock, but Shawn fights out that, so Bulldog tosses him and Shawn bumps into the table. Back in the ring, Shawn with a slingshot clothesline and they do a double down off a headlock, as Shawn is just in a MOOD thanks to a ringside fan getting under his skin, and angrily yells spots at Hebner before making his comeback. Shawn goes up with a double axehandle for two, but the ref is bumped and a pissed off Shawn drops the big elbow. This sets up the superkick, but Owen runs in and distracts Shawn, allowing Bulldog to beat him down. But Shawn gets a german suplex and the ref counts the pin for Bulldog, giving him the WWF title at 17:22. BUT WAIT! It turns out that Hebner was counting the pin on Bulldog from the outside, so Shawn retains. And then everyone argues until President Gorilla settles things by declaring it a draw. Shawn had boo-boo face for the whole match and it was mostly chinlocks before they finally woke up. **1/2

BEWARE OF DOG – PART 2

Live from North Charleston, SC

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Mr. Perfect

Caribbean Strap match: Steve Austin v. Savio Vega

So now we redo the missing matches at a Superstars taping two days later, with the added stip here that Ted Dibiase will leave the WWF if Austin loses. Savio swings wildly to start and Austin retreats to the floor and then slugs away in the ring to take over. Savio comes back with a backdrop and Austin retreats again, so Savio yanks him into the apron in a clever spot and follows him out for a brawl out there. Back in the ring, Savio whips him good and Austin bumps over the top to escape, so Savio smacks him with the strap on the apron and suplexes him back into the ring. He touches two turnbuckles off that, but Austin yanks the strap right into his Kwang and beats on him to take over again. Back to the floor and they trade leather out there, and Austin drops him on the railing and hauls him to the apron to hang him. Austin with a suplex back in the ring and he touches turnbuckles, but Vega cuts him off and runs him into the corner. Savio whips him some more, so Austin backdrops him over the top, but that backfires on him and he goes flying over the top along with Savio. Now that is a clever spot. Savio just smacks him with the strap and they head back into the ring, where Savio ties him up this time and drags him around. Savio gets three, but Austin takes him down to break it up and he hits the poor fucker even HARDER. OK this is kind of awesome. They fight to the top and Savio crotches him and brings him down with a superplex. He touches three turnbuckles off that, but Austin takes him down with an epic double leg into a spinebuster to block. Steve beats him with the strap again and touches two, but talks too much shit and that allows Savio to slug him down. They trade tombstone attempts, but Austin sends him to the floor and follows with a dive attempt, but Savio yanks him off the top and Austin crashes into the railing. They plug tug of war on the floor and Savio yanks him into the post, and then puts Austin on his shoulders and carries him around the ring while touching turnbuckles. Austin counters with a sunset flip, but Savio fights it off and touches the third one, and then Austin yanks him back with an epic strap pull. Austin puts him down with a piledriver, but Dibiase wants ONE MORE TIME, which proves to be a mistake. Savio backdrops out of that, so Austin puts him in the Dream. But Savio carries him around and touches the turnbuckles while fighting it off, and then pushes off the corner to break it up. Austin with a stungun in the corner and he just straight up hangs Savio by the neck and drags him around the ring, but Savio touches the turnbuckles behind Austin. And then they do the big fight for the fourth, while Dibiase loses his mind, and Austin “accidentally” pulls Savio into the corner for the win at 21:33. This was EXCELLENT and probably the only truly great strap match I’ve ever seen. ****1/4.

And with that, Dibiase was gone to WCW, where I hear something was happening on Nitro the night before?

Vader v. Yokozuna

They slug it out to start and Vader claims a shot to the throat and hides in the ropes, and then we get a few minutes of stalling while they yell at each other. Finally they do the sumo clash and Yoko clotheslines him to the floor. Back in, Vader boxes Yoko’s ears, but Yoko chases him to the floor again for more stalling. Back in the ring, they slug it out again and Vader wins that, but Yoko takes him down and drops an elbow on the leg. Vader tries a slam and that doesn’t work, so Yoko puts him down with a uranage as JR can only recall one man who has ever slammed Yoko: Ahmed Johnson. Well there WAS one other guy who famously did it but we don’t talk about him. Yoko with a samoan drop and he goes for the butt splash, but Jim Cornette gets involved and takes some clown bumps for Yoko. Vader pulls Cornette out of the way of a banzai drop and splashes Yoko’s leg, and then goes up and finishes with the Vader Bomb at 8:48. Wasn’t the worst but Yoko was just completely blown up and needed to go away by this point. **

Intercontinental title, casket match: Goldust v. The Undertaker

Does anyone possibly believe that Undertaker cares about winning the Intercontinental title? He was just so far above the level of the title and the champion that this makes no sense as a pairing. Goldust slugs away to start and gets beaten back by Taker, who puts him down with a back elbow and tries to toss him into the casket. Cute line from JR, who notes that Goldust “is usually in Dream-land” as it is. Taker sends Goldust to the floor and runs him into the stairs before sending him into the casket. Back in the ring, Taker drops a leg on him and follows with the ropewalk. Goldust comes back with a tombstone, but Taker sits up. So Goldust tries to roll him into the casket, but Taker fights that off easily. Back in the ring, Goldust sends him to the floor and they fight out there. Back in, Goldust slugs away in the corner and Taker fights back as this is going NOWHERE so far. Goldust with the sleeper and he manages to get Taker into the casket again, but can’t get the lid shut. Back in the ring, Taker makes the comeback and clotheslines him to the floor. Back in, Goldust cuts him off again with a flying clothesline and pretends to make the pin, and then tries his own ropewalk, at which point Taker slams him off the top and follows with the tombstone. But then he opens the casket and SURPRISE, Mankind is there and puts Taker out with the mandible claw, closing the lid on Undertaker and giving the win to Goldust at 12:34. This had all the intensity and drama of a Coliseum Video exclusive dark match main event. **. Afterwards, Taker mysteriously vanishes from the casket and we’re done.

Overall, not a bad show. The strap match is really the only thing I’d recommend to go out of your way to watch if you’ve never seen it before, but it’s a pleasant enough use of 2 hours that flies by and has no bad matches, so it’s mostly a thumbs up from here. As a full priced PPV in 1996, FORGET IT, but it’s a different time now.