The SmarK Rant for WWF in MSG – 04.22.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF in MSG – 04.22.86

Originally written 10.13.25

It’s 1986 week on the blog, as we’re rolling on with the MSG show just after Wrestlemania 2!

Taped from Madison Square Garden, drawing 15,000.

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes & Ernie Ladd. This is sourced from WWE 24/7 because we get FUN FACTS popping up from time to time.

Rene Goulet v. Leaping Lanny Poffo

Poffo declares that Goulet is the #1 Frenchman: #1 on the scale of 1-10! SICK BURN! Unsurprisingly, Goulet runs away and hides in the ropes, but then Goulet takes him down with a headscissors. Poffo escapes with an armbar reversal and they contort themselves until Goulet gets an armlock on the mat. Gorilla notes that he hasn’t seen a short arm scissors “in a coon’s age” and surprisingly Ernie doesn’t reach over and slap him for that one. Poffo with a sunset flip for two, and Goulet bails to the apron, while Poffo backflips into the ring again. Gorilla feels like it’s a bad idea to be doing those moves because it’s dangerous. Man he would HATE today’s product. They trade headscissors on the mat again and Poffo escapes that and then gives Goulet a STAREDOWN like you wouldn’t believe. So Goulet hides out on the apron and comes in with a cheapshot, and Poffo whips him into the corner for a Flair Flip and beats on him in the corner until Goulet bumps to the floor. Back in, Rene with a knee to the gut and a double stomp and he takes a bite out of the ribs for good measure. Goulet with some short punches and he drops a knee for two. Goulet with the SCORPION CLAW and Poffo fights out of that, but he misses a blind charge and Goulet goes back to the clawhold. Lanny slugs out of that, but misses a dropkick and Goulet gets a jackknife cradle for two. Elbow gets two. Goulet goes back to the claw, really clawing him good, but Poffo escapes with an atomic drop this time for two. Backdrop and Lanny slugs away on the mat, and then goes up and misses the moonsault. Goulet gets two from that. Goulet goes up himself, but Poffo slams him off the top, hits a somersault senton, and gets the pin at 13:23. This was a REALLY good opener, very unlike the usual headlocks and chinlocks of the usual MSG openers, as they were always working and moving and the crowd was engaged the whole time. ***

Nikolai Volkoff v. Tony Garea

We get the extended David Guetta remix of the Soviet National Anthem here, and Volkoff beats on Garea in the corner and puts the boots to him. He misses a charge and Garea makes a comeback with a kneelift and a small package for two. Tony slugs away on him, but Volkoff gets a spinkick and chokes him down to take over. Garea with an atomic drop for two, but Volkoff chokes him down and goes up with a flying knee that misses. Tony gets distracted by Freddie Blassie and then goes to work on the leg, but Volkoff boxes him in the corner and Blassie gets some shots with the cane for good measure. We get more super awkward mistimed stuff, as Garea half-assed hits a back elbow on the ropes and they don’t really know where to go from there. So Garea backslides him for two and they get all crossed up in the corner before Garea misses a charge. And Volkoff finishes with the press slam into the backbreaker at 7:10. This one was pretty rough as they had trouble figuring out all the stuff between spots. *

King Tonga v. Paul Christy

They slug it out and Christy works a headlock, but Tonga puts him onto the top rope to break free. Christy chokes him out on the ropes and Gorilla rightly points out that the ref isn’t even counting! And he just keeps doing it as the ref ignores it. So Tonga comes back and slams him before dropping fists on him and dancing, and the thrust kick puts him down. Flying headbutt finishes at 5:56. The thrust kick was the money move and it took a while to figure it out. Just a squash. ½*

Iron Mike Sharpe v. Sivi Afi

Ernie Ladd as the gentle grampa on commentary is so weird, since he was an evil shit-talking heel just a couple of years previous in Mid-South and way more effective at it. Afi with the leapfrogs and he takes Mike down with a hammerlock and then rolls him up for two. A pair of dropkicks send Sharpe retreating to the floor for a discussion with the front row. Back in the ring, Afi tries another rollup, but Sharpe grabs the ropes and then points to his head to indicate intelligence, which allows Afi to dropkick him out of the ring and into the front row. Back in the ring, Afi misses a dropkick this time, and Sharpe goes to work with the completely legal forearm support that was prescribed by top Canadian medical doctors for Sharpe’s own safety. Sharpe with a backdrop for two, but Afi gets a bodypress for two. Sharpe necks him on the top rope and goes to a bearhug, but Afi claps out of it. Ladd notes that the smartest athlete will always prevail, which should mean Sharpe wins all his matches because he always points to his head. Mike runs him into the top turnbuckle and puts him down with a back elbow before dropping a pair of elbows, but Afi comes back again. Sharpe dodges an elbow and goes back to beating on Sivi, but Afi is all fired up and slugs away in the corner before going up with a headbutt that misses. Sharpe takes him down for two and they trade chops before Afi takes him down for a headbutt and gets two. Afi goes up with a pump splash for two. Sharpe catches him with a kneelift to put him down again and tosses him, but Afi skins the cat and takes Mike to the floor with a headscissors. And they brawl out there until Afi skins the cat again and beats the count at 13:22. Gorilla and the announcers completely burying the idiot referee who took 2:00 to count to 10 is pretty hilarious. “He found a number he liked finally, somewhere around 56”. Anyway, shitty finish aside, I’d call this comfortably the best Sivi Afi match I can recall seeing. ***

Dynamite Kid v. Brutus Beefcake

This one was featured on the British Bulldogs Coliseum video that I love so much, along with the other half later on. Kid works a headlock to start and just overpowers Beefcake with shoulderblocks to send him running to the floor. Valiant gives him some advice out there. That advice? “Make sure to try new gimmicks and keep your career fresh”. Bet you thought I was gonna go with something related to boating, huh? YOU DON’T KNOW ME. Beefcake goes after the arm and Kid immediately schools him and takes him down with his own armbar. Kid with a headlock and Beefcake suplexes out of that and puts the boots to Kid while the announcers discuss working injured because they don’t want someone else to get their payday. And that’s why so many wrestlers dropped dead at 40. Beefcake runs him into the corner and follows with a nice suplex for two. Beefcake stomps him down and beats on him with elbows in the corner, but the Kid fights back with the snap suplex and headbutts. But he charges and misses, landing on the floor with a reckless bump as usual, and Beefcake beats him down on the apron. Beefcake with a suplex, but Kid rolls him up for the pin at 8:57. They kept it simple and it was a good effective showcase for Dynamite. **1/2

Intercontinental title: Randy Savage v. Tito Santana

This is NO DQ, so Tito Santana won’t be able to get himself disqualified like he always does, and will in fact be thrown into the garbage can by the cream of the crop. Tito disgustingly lunges at Elizabeth while she’s standing in front of Macho Man in the corner, so Savage teaches him a lesson and attacks him. Double axehandle misses and Tito slugs away on Macho and necks him on the top rope before putting the boots to him and tossing him into the front row. Savage runs him into the post and back in with a double axehandle for two. Macho with a gut wrench for two. Hooking clothesline gets two. They brawl to the floor and Savage gets the advantage out there, and back in with a neckbreaker for two. Back to the floor and Savage takes a wild swing with a chair and hits the post. They go brawling up the aisle and Tito drags him back and runs him into the announce table, and back in the ring with a top rope elbow from Tito. He goes for the figure-four and Savage thumbs the eye and retreats to the floor, and they brawl out there again, with Tito sending him into the post this time and Savage is BUSTED OPEN like a watermelon at a Gallagher concert. That dude had himself gigged before the camera even changed angles. Back in the ring, Tito beats on the cut with FIERY LATIN shots and Savage is knocked goofy, so he accidentally punches the referee in the face and knocks him out. Tito with the flying forearm and there’s no ref, so Tito tries to wake him up and then continues brawling with Savage for another visual pinfall. Savage attacks and Tito rolls him up, but Savage grabs the tights and reverses for the pin at 12:25 to retain, OH YEAH! This match RULED. ****

Davey Boy Smith v. Greg Valentine

Other half of the Dream Team-Bulldogs deal here. Oddly, Davey is wearing red tights as opposed to Dynamite’s blue, which is odd because they were typically color coordinated at all times. Greg with chops in the corner to start, but Davey dropkicks him and Greg bails to the ropes. Davey takes him down with a SHARPSHOOTER here in 1986, showing what he learned in Japan. Valentine retreats to the ropes and Davey splits the legs and stretches his hamstrings out, but Greg makes the ropes agai. They fight for a suplex and Davey wins that battle for two. Valentine chops him down and drops an elbow on him for two, but Greg does the AA knucklelock spot and lands on his little hammer. So he goes to the top and Davey slams him off for tw. Davey beats on him with headbutts and cradles for two. The announcers discuss who might run out of gas in a long match. Hmmm, GREG VALENTINE facing the guy who had one of the most famous drug induced blow ups of all time? Gee I dunno. Davey retreats to the floor to catch his breath, and back in Hammer hits him with a suplex. Hammer drops the forearm for two and goes to a chinlock, which is the first one I can recall all night! Valentine switches to a facelock and Ernie discusses the history of Johnny Valentine using that move as a finisher, which I was not aware of. They do a nice little mat battle off that moves and Davey finally powers him up into the powerslam for two. Valentine runs away and catches him on the way into the ring, and it’s figure-four time. Davey powers up and gets the ropes, so Greg tries it again and Davey shoves him off into the corner. Valentine goes up and clubbers him with a forearm, and gets the pin at 15:00. Really, once it went past the 10:00 mark, Davey was as good as dead. Really good match, as this show is pretty awesome. ***1/2

The Iron Sheik v. Corporal Kirchner

Sheik attacks before the bell and chokes him out with the robe before spitting on him just like he spits on HULK HOGAN, HOCK PTOOEY! Kirchner with a slam and he crotches the Sheik on the post and adds a suplex for two. Gut wrench gets two. But then he misses a dropkick and Sheik shows him how to gut wrench for two. Sheik kicks him with the pointy toe and goes to the abdominal stretch and Gorilla immediately calls out 17 things wrong with it. So Kirchner fights out of it and comes back with a sunset flip for two, but Sheik sends him to the floor and Volkoff is there with a cane to the head for the DQ at 5:28. So the heels double-team the Corporal and where’s his good friend Danny Spivey? NOWHERE. Some tag team partner. Kirchner has to make his own comeback and chases them off. This was certainly a match and there was a couple of good suplexes in there. *1/2

Pedro Morales v. Tiger Chung Lee

Lee chops away on Pedro in the corner, but Pedro gets all fired up and slugs him down before backdropping him. Lee misses a charge and Pedro sunset flips him for two and finishes with a small package at 4:00. That was about the limit of Pedro’s gas tank in 1986. *

Jake Roberts v. Scott McGhee

Jake with a backbreaker and he puts Scott down with shoulderblocks, but McGhee rolls him up and dropkicks him into a pair of suplexes for two. Jake bails to the floor and walks into a hiptoss in the ring, and that gets two. Jake bails to the ropes and goes for the bag, but McGhee drops him right on the EXTERNAL OCCIPITAL PROTUBERANCE. Jake catches him with the short arm clothesline and slugs him down, and then counters another rollup with the DDT and that’s all she wrote at 4:00. That was a slick finish. Nothing to the match. *1/2

Hulk Hogan & Hillbilly Jim v. Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy

Jim immediately goes for the slam on Studd and can’t pull it off, allowing Studd to return the favor with his own slam. Over to Hulk, in his all white outfit tonight and you know that’s his favorite. So Studd slams him a few times and Hulk is immediately crawling for the tag and begging for mercy because Big John is too much of an alpha dog for him to handle. But then it turns out he was goldbricking and he slams both Studd and Bundy, earning himself $15,000 and probably sending it right to Zahorian after the show. Hulk beats on Studd in the corner and tries another slam, but Studd beats him down this time and the heels go to work on him in the corner as Bundy puts the boots to him. Backbreaker gets two. Studd comes in with the bearhug and the LIFE IS LITERALLY BEING SQUEEZED OUT OF HIM. So there you go, blame this match for taking all those years off his life. Hulk dodges an elbow from Bundy and it’s back to the Hillbilly, but Bundy quickly drops a knee on him for two and beats on him in the corner before going to a chinlock. Lord Alfred notes that Hulk can’t help because he doesn’t want to break the rules. Is that a different Hulk we haven’t met? Studd with the bearhug on Jim and Hulk whines to the referee about how unfair the match is going and then gets the tag and immediately uses closed fists on Studd. Thought he didn’t want to break the rules? Hulk with the atomic drop and legdrop on Studd, but Bobby Heenan runs in for the DQ at 11:07 because he’s at least selfless and wants to save his team from losing to a cheat like Hogan. Not much to this one. *1/2

Main event was kind of a drag despite the incredible crowd reaction, but the rest of the show is TOP LEVEL stuff for the time, particularly the IC title match and pair of Bulldogs-Dream Team singles matches.

Recommended.