The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 08.02.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 08.02.86

Originally written 02.06.26

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 07.15.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

The American Express v. Roger Kirby & Steve Lombardi

The push for Rotundo and Spivey continues unabated. Rotundo takes Lombardi down with a rollup for two and it’s over to Spivey for a headlock, and Rotundo puts him down with a back elbow. So Kirby gives it a try and drops a knee on Mike, but misses an elbow (“Kirby with a lousy attempt really, at an elbow…” notes Vince with his usual diplomacy) and he gets worked over by Spivey as a result. The heels get some double-teaming on Spivey in their corner, but Rotundo hits Kirby with the airplane spin and pins him at 3:25.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Gene’s subject this week is Jake Roberts, and we get a promo from Jake, who clarifies that he dropped Ricky Steamboat on his head because he plays by his own rules and gets off on the violence and snake-handling.

The Hart Foundation v. Tony Garea & Jose Luis Rivera

Minor thing again, but they were starting to do some more interesting camera work here, as they had the handheld doing closeups of each guy as they’re introduced, with name plate for each, giving the introductions a more dynamic and personal look than the usual hard cam wide shots. Rivera gets some shine on Bret to start, but he’s tripped up by the Harts and Anvil powerslams him for two. Bret with a backbreaker and Anvil sends him to the floor, and back in with the Hart Attack to finish at 2:32.

Billy Jack Haynes v. Jim Haley

Haynes puts him down with a shoulderblock and Haley doesn’t get up for some reason, so Billy drops an elbow on him for two and goes to a chinlock. WTF was that? The chinlock goes on FOREVER while Bruno fills time talking about bodybuilding theory, and Haley eventually battles out of it, but Haynes puts him down with a bodyslam and finishes with the full nelson at 3:35. What a fucking car wreck this was. Did this dude have a heart attack or something off the lockup?

Handsome Harley Race v. Chris Duffy

Race is introduced as “The King of Wrestling”, and Vince notes that Race recently won the prestigious “King of the Ring” tournament and thus has a claim to that title. Yeah, well, where’s his crown and robe then? Race beats on Duffy with forearms and puts him down with a dropkick. Piledriver and kneedrop follow, and he powerslams Duffy for two before picking him up. Cradle suplex finishes at 2:52. Bruno claims to have never seen the move before, even though Race won a squash on this very show a couple of weeks before this.

The Flower Shop with special guest JYD. Adrian taunts him and sprays him with perfume, so Dog clocks him and leaves him laying and swearing revenge. Maybe Adrian should hire a bodyguard to prevent attacks like that in the future.

This week in 1986 commercials: TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE!

Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan sits down in the gym with Vince McMahon and reflects on his friendship with Mr. Wonderful, which gives us a video package that was helpfully prepared and queued up. Hulk declares Paul to be a “one man gang on an ego trip”. Talk about projection. Hulk claims that when he knocked Orndorff off the apron, he was “making the big lunge for the tag”, which is complete bullcrap to anyone with functioning eyeballs. Hulk claims that Paul “sold out the country” like “spies in Washington” are currently doing and he’s gonna grind up Mr. Wonderful with the big wheels of Hulkamania. Oh they’re gonna have a monster truck match!

Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy v. Brickhouse Brown & Buddy Ryder

What the hell is Brickhouse doing here? He was still a legit star in 1986. We’re joined in progress for whatever reason and they double-team Ryder while we get a poem from Lanny Poffo in inset, about the Machines. Avalanche finishes Ryder at 2:00, as Brickhouse didn’t even tag in.

Meanwhile, an ecstatic Freddie Blassie joins Vince and Bruno while they wrap up the show, announcing that he’s found someone to buy half the contracts of Sheik & Volkoff, to be unveiled next week. Whoever that is must be a pretty slick talker.