The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 07.12.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 07.12.86

Originally written 01.13.26

So now we’re 100% into the shows I remember watching at the time as something clicked in my brain and I became a full time wrestling fan. I had always remembered my dad watching Stampede Wrestling and Al Tomko’s All Star Wrestling when I was younger, and feeling vaguely disdainful of the shows because I was 12 and probably rebelling against my parents in whatever ways I deemed appropriate at the time. But then we got to the Hogan-Orndorff saga and I started following the soap opera unironically, and it was a very big bonding thing for us that lasted all my life. And then later on I just straight up turned into my dad and drove my family crazy. He’s still around, technically, but in a very real sense he’s gone now, and these shows help me remember better times. So thanks for coming on this journey again with me and helping to distract me from (waves hands) you know, ALL OF THIS.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 06.24.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Ricky Steamboat v. Les Thornton

Steamboat is literally bringing a caged lizard to the ring with him now, which is getting a little bit out of hand. Ugh, the flickering brightness on this episode is like what happened when I would record PPVs on my totally legal imported Mexican cable box in the 90s. Les immediately cuts off Steamboat and beats on the back with forearms, and follows with a gut wrench suplex while we get an inset from Jake the Snake. Oh shit, I was about to make a joke about him quoting older rock bands for his promos back in 1986, and then he actually goes and quotes “Sympathy for the Devil”! Meanwhile Steamboat suplexes Thornton in from the apron and finishes him with a flying bodypress at 3:00 in what was a pretty decent little match for a three minute squash. Even Vince was impressed. I also really liked Thornton looking like he was struggling to escape the pinfall but unable to fight off his shoulders being pressed to the mat.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE!

Gene, on location from the Boston Garden for some reason, has a video package about the Hart Foundation ready, speculating that they could be the team that provides a real challenge to the British Bulldogs. Hmm. Maybe.

The Dream Team v. Serge Jodoin & Rick Hunter

Some kid has his LJN figures in the audience, which leads to me to point out that for some reason I had a Greg Valentine but never owned a Beefcake. And I had a GIGANTIC collection of those things, even bigger with the addition of my friend’s collection. But no Brutus. Not sure why. Valentine throws some stiff looking forearms on Hunter after Rick does a fancy dancy back roll to escape a wristlock, but Beefcake comes in and goes to work on Jodoin, who gets no such offense. Beefcake suplexes him and puts the boots to him, and Valentine finishes with the figure-four at 3:00.

Pedro Morales & Tito Santana v. Roger Kirby & Terry Gibbs

Morales quickly gets a backslide on Gibbs for two, and then Kirby comes in and Pedro catches a quick one on him as well with a small package for two. So it’s over to Tito, who’s in hot tag mode already for some reason and runs the heels together various times. Tito hits Gibbs with a bodypress for two, but that dastardly Kirby attacks in the corner and gets some shots on him. But it’s back to Morales for a BAACK BODY DROP out of the corner and a nice bump from Kirby, and Pedro finishes with a backbreaker at 3:20.

Handsome Harley Race v. Steve Johnson

This Johnson guy is BUILT and he quickly slams Race and chases him out of the ring. Back in the ring for another slam, WITH AUTHORITY, and Race bails again to consult with Bobby. Race tries to tackle Johnson and that doesn’t work, so he dropkicks Steve instead and drops elbows while we get an inset from Lanny Poffo. So the point of the poem is about “crowns and robes” and how Harley is the King, which is of course about a month ahead of schedule. Race sends Johnson to the floor and rams him into the railing after working him over with some neckbreakers in the ring, and then Race slams him back into the ring and finishes with a sick cradle suplex at 3:32. That was tight as shit and fully badass and way better than the loose fisherman’s suplex he switched to later on. Also this guy Steve Johnson has no information whatsoever that I can find but he looked like he should have been bigger. Finally, this match in particular shows how BRIGHT they were making the arena as we move fully from the dark and dingy George Scott era to the Vince / Ebersol TV era.

The Flower Shop with special guests the British Bulldogs, as Albano does a promo on Adonis and Adrian gets all upset and won’t let the Bulldogs speak, before kicking them off the show and telling them not to come back.

Bobby Heenan joins Vince, along with Studd and Bundy, so they can watch the Machines footage from Japan with him. So we join Mean Gene in Japan, with the Super Machine (from Sapporo) and Giant Machine (from Foo Yoo Too), and the wide shot makes it very clear that it’s Giant Baba under the mask. Gene: “You know, you remind me strongly of someone I’ve met before, maybe the Masked S….” but then Super Machine cuts him off before he can finish the thought. Which is funny because he looks exactly the same as that previous identity but with a different color scheme. Also Bill Eadie doing a soft-spoken faux-Japanese accent is just weird. Back at the arena, Studd and Bundy are 100% convinced that it’s Andre the Giant and won’t take no for an answer.

The Moondogs v. Hulk Hogan & Paul Orndorff

Hulk lets Paul enter the arena first so that he can have the whole spotlight to himself like the selfish narcissist he is. No wonder everyone hated him in the 80s and Vince had to pay off audiences to pretend to cheer for him on TV and feed his fragile ego. It’s well documented that people bringing their Mr. Wonderful signs to the arenas used to have them confiscated so as not to upset Hogan. Hulk of course starts the match and takes on both Moondogs by himself before OH SO GRACIOUSLY allowing Orndorff to come in and do all the armdrags and slams that Hogan already did first, but BETTER. Paul works a headlock on both Moondogs and Hulk begs for the tag, completely lost without the attention focused all on him for more than 30 seconds, and Paul gets a flying bodypress for two on Rex while the crowd chants WE WANT PAUL, apparently not satisfied with the amount of Mr. Wonderful they’ve had so far! But then Orndorff gets distracted by Hogan’s attention-seeking antics and gets double-teamed by the Moondogs as a result. But he’s got it under control and finishes Rex with the piledriver at 4:00, not needing Hogan whatsoever, which is good because obviously Hogan was too much of a coward to tag in anyway. I’d advise Paul to watch his back with that egomaniac around.

NEXT WEEK: Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy v. Hulk Hogan & Paul Orndorff!

It is of course no exaggeration to call next week’s show one of the most important in the history of wrestling. Because without it, you wouldn’t have ME to read for all those years!