The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 07.05.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 07.05.86

Originally written 01.06.26

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 06.24.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Junkyard Dog & George Steele v. Gino Carabello & Steve Lombardi

That’s like the most New York jobber tag team ever. They sound like they should be doing “odd jobs” for Tony Soprano but just keep screwing them up. “Eh, T, lay off on Gino, his sister’s having a rough time.” Lombardi tries throwing shoulders on the Dog, but gets slammed and headbutted out of the ring. Carabello tries to help out and he’s tossed out as well. Again, it’s kind of noticeable that they’re lighting the arena more brightly and doing more wide shots, slowing inching towards the conversion to full arena show that begins in a couple of months. Steele runs wild and tears up a turnbuckle, and Dog finishes Gino with the Thump at 3:38.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Gene talks about Randy Savage, who is “literally on fire” right now, and we get a clip of Savage talking about the Boston Garden talent change, and the things that you think that you saw, you didn’t saw. I’m sold. Gene: “Doctor says to believe whatever he says”.

The Funk Brothers & Cowboy Bob Orton v. Don Driggers, Mario Mancini & SD Jones

Orton is a pretty natural addition to the Funk family, actually. SD gets to run wild on the heels to start, but Hoss puts Mancini down with a back suplex. Jimmy Jack necks Mario on the top rope and they beat on him outside, so it’s over to Driggers. Jimmy Jack with a powerslam to finish at 2:30. Poor Driggers is about to get hogtied and branded, but instead the Funks just drag him around the ring like a steer while the crowd chants for JYD.

Billy Jack Haynes v. Rusty Brooks

Billy Jack hits Rusty with a kneelift, sending him out of the ring to complain about ringside, and back in Rusty gets some forearms to take over. We get an inset promo from Magnificent Muraco, who is unimpressed by the cowboy hat. Haynes drops an elbow on Rusty and boots him out of the ring, and back in for an atomic drop and full nelson to finish at 3:12. Billy just had such midcard energy despite the physique.

Jake Roberts v. Eric Cooper

Jake’s got some good heat going from the whole Steamboat deal, and Cooper manages to get a slam to surprise Jake. But then Jake hits him with a gutbuster to take over while we get an inset from Leaping Lanny Poffo, featuring a special poem putting over Ricky Steamboat. Jake slaps him around and Cooper hits him RIGHT IN THE BREAD BASKET to make a comeback, but he walks into a short clothesline and the DDT finishes at 3:00.

The Flower Shop with special guests Hulk Hogan and Paul Orndorff. Adrian immediately needles Hulk about not being able to answer the phone last week, but Hulk is ready for Studd and Bundy. But Paul chirps in “NO!” and announces that first, they’re gonna face the Moondogs next week as a warmup. Hulk demands the old Mr. Wonderful if the match happens, and Paul promises to show everyone what he’s all about. Adrian: “I hope he knows how to pick up the phone.”

Meanwhile, Mean Gene is in Japan on assignment, as he meets The GIANT MACHINE and his partner, the Super Machine. 224 centimeters tall! “Hai,” notes the Giant. “Yes, very high” agrees Gene. Super Machine, speaking perfect English, talks about his master Wakamatsu telling them that they have to go on excursion to the United States to be the best. And they’re going to be managed by Captain Lou Albano while they’re there. Gene clarifies that the Giant Machine is from the “Island of Foo You Too”. Back at the arena, Bobby Heenan freaks out because it’s obviously Andre the Giant and he’s going to expose him as the liar he is! I mean, I don’t see it, and Giant Machine’s accent is more of a Foo You Too inflection rather than French.

The Killer Bees v. Roger Kirby & Jack Kruger

Brunzell takes Kruger down with a monkey flip and works the arm and Excalibur notes that Tony Khan has just made it official and it’s Hogan & Orndorff v. The Moondogs next week. Kirby comes in and the Bees also work on his arm while Bruno is a little bit suspicious of the Giant Machine but doesn’t want to commit. Bees double-team Kirby with a double elbow for two, but hte heels work Blair over in their corner. Blair boots him down for two, but instead of going for the tag, he gets caught in the heel corner again and they send him to the floor and work him over out there. So Brunzell heads over and they do a little switcheroo with the masks before making a comeback and finishing Kirby with an atomic drop into a dropkick at 5:16. Between these guys and the Machines, there’s a lot of masked guys running around all of a sudden.

Next week: MORE MACHINES IN JAPAN! Bruno actually floats the idea that it might be Giant Baba, who looks a lot like Andre apparently. And of course, Hulk Hogan & Paul Orndorff v. the Moondogs.

One week left and then my world turns inside out forever.