The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 06.21.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 06.21.86

Originally written 12.25.25

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 06.03.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

The Killer Bees v. Steve Lombardi & Terry Gibbs

Lombardi tries to get some shots on Brunzell on the ropes, but Jim takes him down with a monkey flip and Blair comes in to work the arm in the corner. We get inset promo from Sheik & Volkoff about the “typical American cheaters” with the stupid masks. Damn Americans, famous for their masks. Bees with a double elbow to the “pectoral area” of Gibbs, but Lombardi comes back in and gets some offense on Brunzell, but Blair comes in with a flying clothesline off an atomic drop for the pin at 3:30. Nice finishing combo there.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

No desk for Gene this week, as he’s just doing it from the backstage interview area. The topic this week is Jimmy Hart, the only manager not to wrestle in the past, and we get footage of Jimmy getting branded by JYD. So Jimmy stops by to protest, and Gene gives him a pair of panties as Jimmy freaks out and leaves.

Hercules Hernandez & Cowboy Bob Orton v. Jerry Monti & Tony Park

Another oddball tag team pairing. In another oddity, the jobber graphics are in lowercase letters, which looks super weird. Herc beats on Monti in the corner and Orton comes in with a Davey Boy powerslam on the guy. Herc drops him on the top rope. So it’s over to Park, who looks like a skinny 18 year old working his first match, and the heels quickly cream him with a double elbow. Orton with a dropkick and backdrop and he drops a knee on him, and then presses him into a backbreaker. And Hercules finishes with the backbreaker at 2:52. We also hear from Bobby Heenan, who promises that Andre is GONE and will never be seen again, and Lou Albano needs to go find a replacement.

Billy Jack Haynes v. Jimmy Kent

Billy beats Kent down with forearms and hits him with a legdrop, then follows with a press slam and gut wrench out of the corner. Haynes with a backbreaker and kneelift, and then he hits Kent with another backbreaker and finishes him with off with the full nelson at 3:01. Not a really impressive debut for Billy Jack, mostly due to the jobber being awful.

Hoss & Jimmy Jack Funk v. George Welles & Rudy Diamond

The Funks attack before the bell, but Welles makes a comeback and chases them out of the ring. Back in, George misses a blind charge on Hoss while we get a voiceover from Finkel announcing the second annual KING OF THE RING at Foxboro Stadium in the summer! Over to Diamond and the Funks work him over in the corner, but Welles gets another tag and runs wild on the Funks with slams. But then he goes up and lands on Hoss’s knees. So it’s up to poor Rudy to handle things again, and he immediately walks into a clothesline from Jimmy Jack before Hoss finishes him off with the cloverleaf at 3:20. And they hogtie Rudy and try to brand him, but George returns and makes the save. That’s some pretty poor hogtying. Terry would have wrapped that shit up in SECONDS.

The Flower Shop with special guest Bobby Heenan. Bobby reiterates that Andre is gone from pro wrestling and he is responsible, but Hulk Hogan storms in and chases Bobby off. And he wants to confront Adrian for stirring up trouble between himself and his BLOOD BROTHER Paul Orndorff last week! He had supper with Paul’s family and Paul’s mother called Hulk her #2 son! And they each pull their own load in the ring and don’t worry about who takes credit. So Adrian needs to stop sticking his nose in their business OR ELSE. Man that sounds pretty defensive on Hulk’s part, not gonna lie.

The Hart Foundation v. Mario Mancini & Bob Boyer

Boyer tries a bodypress on Anvil and gets bodied into the corner as a result, so Mancini gives it a try and Bret hits him with a backbreaker and hangs him in the Tree of Woe before putting the boots to him. And the Hart Attack finishes at 2:20. The Harts were slowly coming into their own through 1986.

Meanwhile, the Killer Bees do a PSA about making sure to swim with a friend for safety. These are getting really lame.

Les Thornton & The Moondogs v. David Sammartino, King Tonga & Leaping Lanny Poffo

Poffo’s poem is all about how David lives in the shadow of his famous father and he kind of sucks, but give him a break anyway. Talk about a backhanded poem. Tonga slams the heels while Vince clarifies that Tonga did NOT collect the money from Big John Studd because it wasn’t an authorized bodyslam. David comes in while Vince calls them “Rex Moondog” and “Spot Moondog” like they’re Japanese or something. The faces work Spot Moondog over in the corner and Poffo backflips into a drop toehold on Spot, but Rex gets a knee from the apron. Over to Thornton, who puts the boots to Poffo, and the Moondogs double-team him. Tonga gets a hot tag and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, as Tonga finishes Thornton with the thrust kick at 3:50. Weirdly, the match seemed built around reintroducing Sammartino and then he was only for in like 10 seconds.

NEXT WEEK: Paul Orndorff! Magnficent Muraco! Santana & Morales! Spivey & Rotundo! Sheik & Volkoff! The British Bulldogs! And more!