The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 06.07.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 06.07.86

Originally written 12.07.25

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, on 05.13.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Mike Rotundo & Danny Spivey v. Joe Mirto & Terry Gibbs

So last week he was “Mike Rotunda” but now he’s “Mike Rotundo”. The US Express switches off on a headlock on Gibbs, and Mike comes in with a bodypress for two off that. Mirto comes in and Rotundo puts him down with a flying forearm for two. Spivey launches Rotundo off the top with an elbow smash as they continue to struggle to find chemistry, and Rotundo airplane spins Mirto into a bulldog from Spivey to finish at 3:44. I will say, this was marginally better than their butt ugly debut a couple of weeks ago.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Gene’s subject this week is Sheik & Volkoff, and their manager Freddie Blassie, who is so cheap that the George Washingtons in his billfold haven’t seen sunlight in decades. Gene is really hip to the lingo of the youths. So we get a clip of them doing a squash and Gene calls Blassie a “veteran septuagenarian” and then some guy walks by with a steel pipe and falls down.

The Hart Foundation v. Don Driggers & Jose Luis Rivera

Harts with the red and black look this week, which I never liked on them. Rivera works the arm on the Anvil before Bret breaks it up with a dropkick. Over to Driggers and the Harts double-team him in the corner while the crowd accuses Bret of being a “greaseball”. Oh you just wait, WWF crowd in 1986, the real greaseball is coming soon now. Hart Attack finishes at 3:00.

Ted Arcidi & King Tonga v. Moondog Spot & The Gladiator

Someone should totally do an animated series called “Parts Unknown” about loser wrestlers who hang out in a bar of that name. That’s really all I got. I’m a big picture guy, not a details guy. Arcidi headlocks the jobbers and it’s over to Tonga to do the actual offense, as he puts the boots to Gladiator and does the double headscissors takedown spot before dropping a fist on Gladiator. The heels actually do a successful double-team on Tonga without screwing it up and colliding and they seem as shocked as me. Back to Arcidi, who hits Gladiator with a clothesline and then Tonga comes in with the superkick and big splash to finish at 3:20. Gladiator was like ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED and sadly no, I wasn’t, because this team had negative chemistry. Notably the bumper music here is “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora, 30-some years before making a comeback on another wrestling show.

Big John Studd & Hercules v. Rob Van Winkel & Jim Powers

This is another weirdly random tag team combo. The announcers push that they’re being set up for a match with Arcidi & Tonga, which by god sounds like a complete trainwreck and I kinda want to see it. Unfortunately it doesn’t appear that it ever happened and they just did the squashes to build it up and then nothing ever happened. Studd and Hercules both toss Powers around, and Van Winkel tries to slam Studd and can’t even get leverage before Studd repeatedly slams him and Hercules finishes with the torture rack at 2:57.

The Flower Shop with special guest Jake Roberts. He creeps Adrian out with the snake and promises to break Steamboat’s neck if they meet again.

WRESTLING MANIA THE SECOND, available now at your local video retailer!

This week in 1986 commercials, Pete Rose has his at-bat ruined by some kid eating a Nestle Crunch bar at the wrong time, and he accidentally hits a home run when he was trying to throw the game.

Randy Savage v. Bob McNeil

Macho gets a gut wrench and drops a knee on McNeil and then tosses him for some abuse on the floor, and back in for the flying elbow to finish at 1:20. He feels that McNeil hasn’t learned his lesson yet, so he goes up and drops another elbow to show him who’s boss.

Meanwhile, I shit you not, Hulk Hogan does a PSA for SEAT BELTS. So last week it was Ricky Steamboat talking about drugs and now Hulk is trying to force propaganda from Big Seat Belt on us. What a scam those are. How are you supposed to reach your drink if you’re being held down by a seat belt? Regardless, what’s the grift here, I wonder? Vince trying to wring some extra tax credits out of the show by having it classified as educational programming in the same way GI Joe did? Because I would certainly take life advice from Shipwreck or Snow Job seriously, but from THESE clowns? Not likely.

The British Bulldogs v. Bob Bradley & AJ Petruzzi

Davey works the arm on Bradley with a hammerlock and it’s over to Petruzzi, but Davey headbutts him. So AJ gets his own headbutt and a hipblock takedown for two. Over to Dynamite and he STIFFS Petruzzi with forearms and adds a snap suplex, and a small package gets two. AJ goes RIGHT TO THE BREAD BASKET, but Davey comes in and lays AJ out with a dropkick. Kid with a legdrop and Davey goes to a chinlock while Vince claims that Kid suffered a knee injury and the Bulldogs “have not missed one title defense as a result”, which is a complete lie because Davey was basically defending the title by himself for weeks after WM2. They finish Petruzzi with Davey powerslamming him, and then Davey puts Bradley on his shoulders and Kid dives off them with a headbutt on Petruzzi for the pin at 4:40. That finish is not only visually incredible, but you incapacitate the other guy and leave him unable to make the save.

Brought to you by Wild Musk Cologne, with the tagline “Use It Before You Stalk!” PHRASING! I mean, let’s face it, it was the 80s, we didn’t know women wanted to make their own decisions and vote or whatever.

Next week: Junkyard Dog! George Steele! Presumably other stuff. Probably more weird tag team matches judging by the last few weeks.