The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 04.19.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 04.19.86

Originally written 10.26.25

Oh man between Pac Man World 2 Repac and Yooka Replaylee, I’m in 3D platformer heaven!

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 03.31.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. Terry Morgan & Ivan Macdonald

This Ivan guy is pretty big and cut up and seems to be a good hand based on these 86 shows, but no one has any information on him and he doesn’t even have a Cagematch bio. Does anyone know if he did anything outside of these WWF job duties? Like you don’t even see him touring on the MSG / Philly circuit in an undercard spot or anything. A sign at ringside lists the heels as “Comrade and Camel Breath” and you have to respect the sass there. Ivan tries a headlock on Sheiky Baby, but gets levelled with a clothesline and Sheik shows off his guns. Honestly Ivan’s got him beat. Sheik chokes him out on the ropes and Volkoff comes in with a knee to the gut before beating him down in the corner. So it’s over to Morgan, who doesn’t fare better, and Volkoff quickly hits him with the press backbreaker. Sheik with a NASTY ASS belly to belly with stank on it, and he HUMBLES THE MAN with the camel clutch at 2:33. Goddamn that was a Steiner level suplex there.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

Many people are saying that Wrestlemania 2 was an extravaganza unsurpassed by anything else, and to prove it we get a montage of random celebrity appearances from the show.

Adorable Adrian Adonis v. Mario Mancini

Oh Mario, this princess doesn’t need saving by you. Adonis still using “You’re So Vain” which is just so perfect that I don’t know why they dropped it. The voiceover hype on this episode is for a house show in Portland, Maine, and I can only imagine the level of stardom that one drew. Adonis takes him down and works a headlock on the mat while posing for the camera. The crowd appears to be in need of British cigarettes, or maybe a nice bundle of sticks. Adonis boots him down and hits a Rude Awakening, and then he finishes with a cobra sleeper at 3:00, since Jake Roberts now had custody of the DDT. Not sure why he switched to a regular sleeper later on.

And HOLY SHIT, check out this card from Portland Maine that they were hyping:

WWF @ Portland, ME – Exposition Building – April 25, 1986 (2,500)

Lanny Poffo defeated Tiger Chung Lee

Pedro Morales defeated Moondog Spot

The Iron Sheik defeated Tony Garea

Ted Arcidi (sub. for Uncle Elmer) defeated Nikolai Volkoff

WWF Tag Team Champion Davey Boy Smith, Dan Spivey (sub. for the Dynamite Kid), & King Tonga defeated Brutus Beefcake, Greg Valentine, & Johnny V

They drew 2500 people for THAT?!? Was there literally nothing better to do in the entire state that night? Nothing on TV?

The Killer Bees v. Tiger Chung Lee & Joe Mirto

We get an awkward criss cross between Blair and Lee, as Tiger chops him and Blair doesn’t seem to know what to do with it. Hold your chest and say “Ow”? Blair takes him down and works the arm, and Jumping Jim comes in for more of the same and then threatens to use his arm cast on the heels. That’s not even a little bit legal! Blair thankfully finishes Mirto with a sunset flip before Brunzell can use that illegal cast as a weapon.

Hoss Funk v. Nelson Velleiux

Vince notes that Terry is watching from the dressing room area. Sure if the dressing room is back in Texas because he was OUTTA THERE and didn’t come back for another decade. Hoss with a double underhook suplex for two after some forearms, but Nelson gets a rollup for two. So Funk gets a piledriver to finish at 1:47. Yeah Dory as a singles wrestler in 1986 wasn’t it, chief. Thankfully they had Jimmy Jack in the wings to revitalize the wrestling business.

Piper’s Pit with Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy, as Piper taped a couple of Pits on these tapings before leaving at WM2. Studd challenges ANDRE THE BIG JERK to a tag team match with any partner of his choosing. So then they do a wacky routine where Studd and Bundy try to slam Orton and Piper keeps calling them off.

Meanwhile, at Wrestlemania, the Bulldogs finally win the tag team titles from the the Dream Team and Dynamite knocks himself into unconsciousness in one of the stupidest spots of all time.

Randy Savage v. Sal Gee

Gee gets a quick cradle on Macho for two, while the man is trying to remove his sunglasses mind you, so Macho necks him on the top rope and puts him down with a double axehandle. To the floor for another axehandle, and someone delivers Elizabeth some flowers, so Savage smashes them and then takes out his anger on Gee with a kneedrop while threatening the flower delivery person at the same time. This is some gross disrespect of the reigning Intercontinental champion of the world, YEAH. So Savage hits Gee with another flying axehandle and tosses him out again, like one would toss Tito Santana into the garbage can, YEAH, and he stops to tear up some disrespectful signage from illiterate moron fans at ringside who wouldn’t know greatness if it dropped a big elbow on them. And speaking of which, Macho puts this clown away with the elbow and pins him with one foot like he deserves, DIG IT, at 4:00. You do not fuck with the sunglasses and everyone should know it.

NEXT WEEK: Andre picks his tag team partner! The final Piper’s Pit (for a long while)! Hercules! Steamboat & Tonga! JYD & George Steele!

I gotta admit I’m not sure what the Andre deal is leading to, because it’s not an SNME match and Andre wasn’t really around much in 86 anyway. Guess we’ll find out! This whole era between WM and the switch to Superstars is kind of a black hole for me and I’m enjoying not knowing what’s coming up.