The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.22.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.22.86

Originally written 10.02.25

The build to Wrestlemania 2 continues as I wait for Super Mario Galaxy to download this morning…

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 03.11.86. That’s a pretty quick turnaround time for this era, actually.

Apparently this version comes from Sky Sports in the UK. Probably lots of ads for tea and crisps, I’m guessing.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

We get a rundown of the celebrities who will be appearing at Wrestlemania 2, such as “Herb the burger guy” or “Clara Peller”. Lots of guest timekeepers.

The Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana v. Joe Mirto & Johnny K-9

I recently learned that Randy Savage adopted a kitten in 2011 before he died and named it “The Junkyard Cat” and it’s still alive. That’s pretty awesome. Mirto attacks the Dog and eats a headbutt as a result, and Tito comes in and works the arm before putting him down with a dropkick. K-9 comes in and works JYD over in the corner while we get an inset promo from Elvira about WM2. Tito backdrops K-9 and tries to finish him off with a figure-four, but K-9 fights him off for some reason. So Tito and JYD double-team him with an elbow and Tito pins him with a jackknife cradle at 3:30. Weird finish.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene talks with a guy who apparently thinks he’s some kind of refrigerator.

Jake The Snake Roberts v. Jim Young

Jim looks like Kenny Omega’s long lost father. So this is the TV debut for Jake, as Young immediately chases him to the floor and Jake slithers back in and hits Young with a short clothesline before dropping a knee. Vince and Bruno actually put Jake over pretty big, talking about how he’s known worldwide as a dangerous wrestler and great competitor, despite being cast as a heel here. Jake with a kneelift for two and we get an inset promo from Cab Calloway, which actually COVERS UP THE DDT to finish at 1:50. That’s a rare misstep from the WWF production team at the time. And indeed, Jake unleashes his snake for the first time and the crowd FREAKS OUT while Vince is more disgusted by this than anything he’s ever seen. You could see Vince planning for all the money right there. Aside from the DDT getting missed, this was a grand slam home run debut squash in every other way.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene chats with Bobby Heenan and Big John Studd about the WM2 battle royale, which is actually a rare interview segment done for the live taping audience instead of backstage. Also we hear from a football guy and Iron Sheik.

Ricky Steamboat & King Tonga v. Rusty Brooks & Ron Shaw

Steamboat and Tonga were teaming a lot at this point and they were a good team. Too bad they never did anything together. Tonga hits Brooks with an impressive hiptoss and follows with a bodypress for two, and then cradles him for two. We get an inset promo from Cathy Lee Crosby, and to be honest I don’t even remember why she was famous in the 80s at this point. Steamboat comes in and slams Shaw, and then grabs a headlock while mule kicking Brooks at the same time. Tonga comes in and hits Brooks with a vicious superkick and then clobbers him with a clothesline. And Steamboat finishes with a flying bodypress at 3:00. See? They were a great team, man.

Meanwhile, back to Mean Gene, who announces that WM2 can be seen on something called “Pay per view”. I’m glad Gene left us before he had to start shilling “Premium live events” instead. So we hear from Uncle Elmer, who mutters about Adrian Adonis.

King Kong Bundy v. Yvon Laverdue

Bundy beats on Yvon in the corner and puts him down with a clothesline, but then picks him up at two. Bundy runs him into the turnbuckles and finishes with the Avalanche and big splash for FIVE at 2:40. And we hear from a basketball guy in an inset promo, or at least I assume he’s a basketballer because he’s holding a basketball. That seems like a fair assumption based on the evidence at hand.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene talks about the upcoming TEN ROUNDS OF FISTICUFFS between Mr. T and Roddy Piper, and we get footage from the press conference, where Piper introduces coach Lou Duva and shows off drawings of T, as he dubs the fight “The Great White Hope v. The Great Big Dope”.

WRESTLEMANIA 2 REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

We hear from more football boys like Ed “Too Tall” Jones, Jimbo “Talks During Movies” Covert, and Harvey “Hogs the Remote” Martin.

The Dream Team v. Rick Hunter & Jose Luis Rivera

The Dream Team double-teams Rivera right away and Valentine comes in with a forearm off the middle rope, while Bruno talks about training for stamina in the battle royale. I think his strategy was misguided there. Rivera dodges Hammer and brings in Hunter, but Beefcake puts him out with the high knee at 2:48. Vince calls it a Rude Awakening. I thought that was another guy?

Meanwhile, Mean Gene runs down the WM card like Excalibur in 2020, and brings out Adrian Adonis to talk about Uncle Elmer. Also the British Bulldogs will have two referees for their title match, although oddly no mention of Ozzy Osbourne’s involvement yet.

And Vince wraps it up with Bruno. Strange not to hear from Hulk Hogan here, given how hard they were pushing the hard sell. Also no Piper’s Pit this week.