The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.10.84

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.10.84

Taped from Allentown, PA

Your hosts are Mean Gene and Defendant #1

Intercontinental champion Tito Santana v. Charlie Fulton

Tito works the arm, but Fulton takes him down with a rollup, so Tito switches him to a hammerlock and Fulton makes the ropes. Tito hits him with a kneelift and takes him down with a headlock. Fulton slugs away in the corner and gets some offense as Tito does his usual great selling before making the comeback and catching Fulton with a flying headscissors and then finishing with a flying forearm at 3:50. This was a very good squash!

The Iron Sheik v. Angelo Gomez

The crowd really wants Slaughter, so the Sheik takes out his frustrations on Gomez and hits him with a gutbuster and puts the boots to him. Gomez fights back, but Sheik hits him with the pointed boot and hits him with a BEAUTIFUL belly to belly before finishing with the camel clutch at 2:05.

Jimmy Snuka v. Butcher Vachon

Man I long for the more innocent times when Jimmy Snuka brutally murdering his girlfriend and escaping justice for 40 years made him the biggest piece of shit in wrestling. Snuka quickly finishes Vachon with a flying headbutt at 1:00 while Lou Albano comes out to scout and quickly gets chased off again.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene interviews the cast of characters for “tonight’s” show in LA. Hulk Hogan is really high! On life that is. Anyway he was driving up and down Ocean Boulevard and imagining the steering wheel as Dr. D’s neck so he can fantasize choking him to death, as all normal people do. Paul Orndorff has done his own research and has discovered that “Arriba” actually means “Swim a little faster because the border guards are coming.” Surprisingly topical today, what with the huge border crisis that’s so immediately drastic that it can’t be solved by the governing body until after the election is over. Also Sgt. Slaughter is going to turn LA into a combat zone when he faces Masked Superstar. Dr. D reveals that Hulk Hogan’s main squeeze is a 275 man, and where he comes from they don’t put up with that kind of stuff! Understated debut of Brutus Beefcake there?

WWF Tag team champions Tony Atlas & Rocky Johnson v. Iron Mike Sharpe & Frankie Williams

I never watched Young Rock, but I heard that there was a storyline on the show from around this time about how Sika was supposed to be facing Rocky Johnson in Philly, but Dusty Rhodes talked Rocky into giving him the match instead and somehow ended up winning a World title out of it because reasons. And then Rocky swore revenge on Dusty, even if it took 40 years, and promised that his son would finish the story for him if he died first. Not sure why I remembered that totally true thing tonight. The champs double-team Frankie in the corner, but Williams gets a cheapshot on Atlas and brings in former Louisiana heavyweight champion Iron Mike Sharpe. Mike pounds on Atlas with his legal forearm protector but then Williams gets cocky and Rocky destroys him and headbutts him into a slam for the pin at 3:08.

Piper’s Pit with special guests Brian Blair & Tony Garea. Piper points out to Blair that Garea is a jinxed loser who lost the tag team title five teams with five different partners, so he’s washed up and maybe Blair should pick another partner. So Garea declares the interview over and they walk off. Well that’s pretty rude. Piper kind of had a point.

Greg Valentine v. SD Jones

SD works the arm, but Greg puts him down with a backbreaker and works the arm. SD slugs back and puts Valentine on the floor with a pair of headbutts. Back in, Hammer catches him with a knee in the corner and finishes with the figure-four at 2:45. Interesting that they beat Jones so fast on TV since he was usually a JTTS type rather than a straight TV enhancement guy. And then the announcers read a question from a viewer, about why there’s not two referees for tag team matches. And they hem and haw and dodge the question like HHH at a press conference.

Sgt. Slaughter v. Rene Goulet

Surprisingly, Goulet does not immediately surrender at the first sign of military aggression. In fact, he SLAPS Slaughter, so Sarge beats on him and hits a backdrop. Goulet comes back and whips Slaughter into the corner for the debut of the Slaughter Bump on WWF TV and then puts the boots to him, but Slaughter chucks him over the top and then hauls him back in to finish with the cobra clutch at 2:34. Mean Gene notes that Sarge threw him around the ring just like a baby. Remind me not to have Gene babysit for me.

Ivan Putski v. Tony Colon

Putski beats him down and throws him around, hopefully not like a baby although that would explain a lot about his own son, and then throws him over the top and slingshots him back in. Polish Hammer finishes at 2:44.

NEXT WEEK: TONY GAREA V. GREG VALENTINE!

Well that’s not gonna help Piper’s point about Garea being a huge loser.