The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.08.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.08.86

Originally written 09.14.25

OK, now that we’re all done with the excursion to 1990 for the past week or so, it’s back to 86 again!

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, on 02.18.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Corporal Kirchner & Danny Spivey v. Barry O & Johnny K-9

Oh nice, it’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve had to deal with a complete piece of shit enhancement talent. They should have booked K-9 against Steve Gatorwolf in a “first one to die in prison loses” match. The Corporal works the arm on Barry and monkey flips him out of the corner, and it’s over to K-9. “Very unusual name,” notes Bruno, “the letter K and the number 9.” Yeah “unusual” is one word for him. He was basically one of the worst human beings to ever have a regular job in wrestling, so there’s that too. Kirchner with a sleeper and then brings Spivey back in for a back elbow and he follows with a dropkick. Spivey does not like the dropkicking type. Kirchner finishes with a samoan drop at 4:09. Although I should note that as singles wrestlers Barry O and Johnny K-9 weren’t great. Together they were OK.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

Let us take you back to the Slammy Awards, as Roddy Piper wins “Best Personality” and JYD wins “Best Vocal Performance” as well. Well that saves me having to review the show.

Paul Orndorff v. Les Thornton

They slug it out in the corner and Mr. Wonderful wins that battle and goes to a wristlock. Thornton takes him down with a fireman’s carry, but Orndroff hangs on and continues on the arm. Les escapes that but misses a blind charge and Paul dropkicks him to the apron and then suplexes him back into the ring. Orndorff with a flying forearm and then he finishes with the piledriver at 3:05, with Les doing a bizarre sell where he basically goes limp while going up for it.

Meanwhile, Boxing Bob Orton talks about how listening to Mr. T shrieking in pain while being whipped at SNME made him feel so happy. Gene: “T is coming for revenge I think!” Orton: “Whoop de do.” Orton rules.

The Hart Foundation v. SD Jones & Andre Malo

SD is from Antigua in the West Indies, for those wondering. Poor Bret is disrespected yet again, listed as “Brett Hart” here. Unfortunately Vince promised him 2 Ts in his first name but then reneged on the contract because he couldn’t afford the second one. The Harts quickly hit Malo with a Demolition elbow and Bret beats on him with forearms. Bret whips Anvil into Malo in the corner and the Hart Attack finishes at 3:00. It’s funny because I hated the Hart Foundation SO SO MUCH as a kid at the time but their squashes are pretty awesome to watch now.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene announces that Wrestlemania 2 will come from three arenas at once.

The Haiti Kid v. Butch Cassidy

Haiti Kid with a series of dropkicks and he goes to a headlock, and a bodypress gets two. Rolling cradle gets two and he no-sells a shot to the turnbuckle, but Cassidy runs him into the other corner as the announcers point out that Cassidy is pretty tall for a midget. Cassidy with a slam and he goes up for a flying legdrop, but that misses and Haiti bites his ass and then finishes with a cradle at 3:00. But before he can celebrate, Roddy Piper and Bob Orton kidnap him and carry him over to the Piper’s Pit set. They confront him about being a friend of Mr. T and cheering for T in the upcoming boxing match. Haiti admits that this is true and he admires Mr. T, so Piper decides to make him look like his hero and forcibly gives the Kid a haircut after taping his mouth shut. Well that was pretty heavy. Also given how heavy the heat was for the Piper-T storyline, T didn’t exactly get any revenge at Wrestlemania.

WRESTLEMANIA 2 REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

We finally go back to SNME, with Piper assaulting Mr. T and then Bundy attacking Hulk Hogan and breaking his ribs, setting up the main event of Wrestlemania with a few weeks left.

The Dream Team v. Leaping Lanny Poffo & Nelson Veilleux

And sadly this episode is missing the last 15 minutes so it cuts off after Poffo’s poem about the British Bulldogs and we never find out what happens.

Well at least we’ve finally got a main event for Wrestlemania now. And the Haiti Kid angle was pretty shocking for a light hearted match advertised as “for the kids in the audience” by Vince.