The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.08.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.08.86

Originally written 08.09.25

I know everyone is on the edge of their seats waiting to find out who Cpl. Kirchner chooses for his partner! Well, Vince spoils it in the intro anyway.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, on 01.07.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

The Hillbillies v. Terry Gibbs & Bob Bradley

In case the Hillbillies are represented by Jim and Elmer. Jim hits Gibbs with slams to start, and not just any slams, but BODY slams, and Jim works a headlock. Gibbs escapes that so Jim bearhugs him, and Bradley breaks it up despite the lack of a legal tag. So Jim beats on both guys anyway and it’s over to Elmer, who drags Bradley over to his own corner and pins him with a legdrop at 2:37.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

Apparently the shock and awe of Wrestlemania was so much last year that the WWF has been COMPELLED to do it again this year, with the logically named Wrestlemania 2. And experts predict that this show will be a spectacular success that shatters all previous records shattered by the first Wrestlemania. That expert of course being Vince McMahon.

King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd v. Daryl Bowlin & Ivan McDonald

Some very disrespectful signs at ringside declare Bundy as “King Kong Sundae” and “Ding Dong Bundy”. Yeah say that to his face, nerds. McDonald, who is only introduced as being “from Scotland”, tries to slam Bundy and gets tossed out to the floor, and back in for some stomps in the corner by Studd. Over to Bowlin as apparently WWF President Jack Tunney has now banned the use of casts in wrestling matches, which seems specifically targeted at Cowboy Bob Orton. Bundy with the Avalanche and big splash on Bowlin for the FIVE COUNT at 2:45. I heard Ivan retired and started a chain of restaurants after this.

Meanwhile, Rowdy Roddy Piper chats with Mean Gene about tonight’s show in Boston, featuring himself in a cage match against Bruno. So Piper reads from a newspaper story on the show, noting that Bruno should retire again and go back to his home in Pittsburgh, which is actually a shack in the dump.

Tito Santana v. Mr. X

Last time seeing Tito with the Intercontinental title, as he loses it the night this show aired. Notably, his opponent here was the referee for that match. That’s pretty cool actually and weird shit like that is why I love wrestling. Tito fights off a series of takedown attempts from X and puts him down with armdrags before working a headlock. Tito slugs away on him in the corner as Vince notes that the crowd is enjoying the talents of Tito, “notwithstanding those of Mr. X”. I’m pretty sure it’s OK to disregard the talents of Mr. X. Tito backdrops him and finishes with the figure-four at 3:00. Well X would get his revenge soon enough.

WRESTLEMANIA: IT ONLY HAPPENS ONCE A YEAR! Well unless the WWF gets a bazillion dollars from the Saudi government to do a second one, but HOW LIKELY IS THAT, LOL.

Meanwhile, Bruno joins Mean Gene and rants about the trash rag Piper was quoting from in the previous interview. Apparently it was written by someone named Charlie Manning, who took all his info from Piper without verifying any sources.

The British Bulldogs v. AJ Petruzzi & The Gladiator

Davey Boy works the arm on AJ and AJ wants a test of strength and then gets a shot on Davey. So Davey slams him and it’s over to the Kid, who goes up with a missile dropkick and then pops up and hits him with a snap suplex. Davey with a delayed suplex for two and it’s over to the Gladiator, and Kid is NOT entertained and hits him with a hooking clothesline. To the top and he suplexes the guy up into Davey’s arms, setting up a top rope powerslam to finish at 3:14. These guys are pretty darn great.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Bob Orton’s cast. He’s pretty upset because people complained to the WWF until “Acey Baby” had to give up his cast, despite the fact that his arm is in tremendous pain still. So now Bob Orton has decided to become a world class boxer as BOXIN’ BOB ORTON! And he’s got an open challenge for anyone who wants to lace up the gloves and fight him.

Randy Savage v. Paul Dose

George Steele brings flowers for Elizabeth, which Savage is totally normal about of course, as he rips them up in disgust and then attacks Dose and drops the big elbow on him at 0:23. He didn’t even get the sunglasses off!

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. Cpt. Kirchner & George Steele

Yeah so clearly it was gonna be Steele, Tito or JYD. I don’t know why they made it a big surprise. The Corporal takes Sheik down with hiptosses and then Volkoff comes in and walks into a clothesline. Back to the Sheik for his own clothesline, but Kirchner reverses a suplex and it’s over to Steele. The heels clothesline him to the floor, so Steele grabs a chair for the DQ at 2:34. Well that was a stupid choice of partner then.

Meanwhile, Magnificent Muraco and Mr. Fuji chat with Mean Gene about the Boston show tonight, and then goes into a hilariously drunken impression of Bruce Lee while demonstrating his martial arts skills.

NEXT WEEK: Junkyard Dog v. Terry Funk! Boxin’ Bob Orton faces someone in an open challenge! Superfly Snuka introduces his cousin Superfly Afi! Plus Ricky Steamboat, King Tonga and A WHOLE LOT MORE!