The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.01.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.01.86

Originally written 07.27.25

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 01.07.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Ricky Steamboat & King Tonga v. Rusty Brooks & Moondog Spot

Steamer grabs a headlock on Spot, but immediately runs into Rusty and gets caught in the corner. He quickly makes his own comeback and fights “big rotund Rusty” off, as Vince notes, before bringing in Tonga. Tonga with a dropkick and Spot comes in and hits him with a high knee to take over. Rotund Rusty slugs away on the ropes, but Tonga gets a sunset flip on Spot for two and then the babyfaces double-team Rusty and Steamboat hits him with a flying chop. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Tonga hits him with the thrust kick and splashes him for the pin at 3:30. A fun little squash match as Spot always elevates these things.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

Alfred has been in touch with Mr. T, and he’s just waiting for the phone to ring so he can throw away his showbiz career and wrestle again. No really, that’s what they said. So we get clips of T and Hulk training for the first Wrestlemania. WHERE COULD THIS BE GOING? Also kudos for using “Power of Love” as the bumper music, this show always had the 80s bangers before they all got purged.

Oh man, there’s a commercial for the SURVIVAL KNIFE! Remember when Rambo came out and all us Gen X kids had to have a serrated knife with a compass on the end? You know for all the surviving we were doing after school with no parents around.

Adorable Adrian Adonis v. Jeff Gridley

Say what you will but Adonis has NUCLEAR heat here now that he’s gone fully swishy and fabulous. Adonis gaves disdainful sneers to the crowd and then hits the jobber with a DDT and pins him at 1:20.

Meanwhile, we learn that this week’s episode comes from the Laramie WY broadcast, featuring a house show main evented by Bob Orton v. Paul Orndorff. Orton: “The people up there are so fat because they have to be in order to survive the cold.”

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. Jim Powers & SD Jones

SD was actually doing a semi-regular team with Paul Roma at this point. They even got to win matches on the Australian tour! Unfortunately for Sheik, his disrespect of the USA brings out Corporal Kirchner to wave the flag, because this is the USA and we don’t stand for other countries showing pride for their homeland! So Sheik takes it out on Powers in the corner and hits him with the POINTY TOE OF DOOM before dropping him on his head with a suplex and he follows with a belly to belly and HUMBLES HIM with the camel clutch at 2:40. Way to antagonize the Sheik for no gain, Kirchner. Real 4D chess there. So then big tough Kirchner hits the ring and attacks Volkoff, making sure to avoid fighting the Sheik, and I guess he’s the hero of the story.

Meanwhile, Paul Orndorff joins Mean Gene to discuss the Laramie barn burner. Here’s the full card by the way:

WWF @ Laramie, WY – Auditorium – February 1, 1986
Judy Martin vs. Linda Gonzalez
? (sub. for Ivan Putski) vs. Rene Goulet
George Wells vs. Matt Borne
Danny Spivey vs. Moondog Spot
Davey Boy Smith & the Dynamite Kid vs. Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart
Paul Orndorff vs. Bob Orton Jr. (cast match)

Hercules Hernandez v. Paul Dose

Herc beats on Dose with forearms while Blassie joins us on commentary and rants about Kirchner finding a partner to face Sheik and Volkoff in a fair tag match. And Herc finishes with the torture rack at 3:10. I don’t know if the Kirchner tag team challenge was going anywhere but he sure didn’t find a tag team partner.

PIPER’S PIT with special guest George Steele. Piper notes that Steele “got beat by a woman” and explores George’s feelings for Elizabeth while noting that George is “very stupid” and that he couldn’t get a date with a $100 bill taped to his forehead. Male loneliless epidemic right there.

The Killer Bees v. AJ Petruzzi & Dave Barbie

We’re joined in progress for some reason as they double-team Barbie and work the arm. Blair drops a knee for two and Brunzell kicks out the knee, and it’s over to Petruzzi. Blair catches him in a powerslam and pins him at 2:03.

WRESTLEMANIA 2 is coming! Kind of crazy that it’s February and you wouldn’t have any inkling of what the main event was going to be at this point.

The Dream Team v. The British Bulldogs

This is a non-title match and Vince is pretty sure Kirchner is gonna find someone for that tag team match next week. Oh, it’s a TV match, I thought they were setting something up for the house show circuit. Dynamite sends Valentine to the floor right away, but Hammer comes back in and slams the Kid, and Beefcake drops the leg for two. But then Davey comes in and goes after the arm to turn the tide. Valentine gets a cheapshot from the apron and goes to work on the leg, but he goes for the figure-four and Kid drops a headbutt to break it up. Dynamite runs wild with a clothesline on Beefcake for two and a snap suplex for two, and Davey hits the running powerslam on Beefcake and puts Valentine in a fireman’s carry to set up the diving headbutt from Kid, off of Valentine’s back, and he pins Beefcake at 4:30. That finish was incredible and that probably should have been the finish at WM2. Hell, they probably should have just put the belts on the Bulldogs here, they were red hot.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene chats with Terry Funk and Adrian Adonis, and I’m gonna need a tag team match with those two now. Unfortuantely it doesn’t appear to have ever happened.

And finally, Corporal Kirchner joins us and promises he’s got a guy for next week, but he’s not gonna spoil the surprise for us. I don’t really know why they kept it a secret, it’s not that exciting of a choice. Really there’s only about 3 guys you’d expect and it’s one of them.