The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 01.25.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 01.25.86

Originally written 01.20.25

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, on 01.07.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Junkyard Dog & Paul Orndorff v. Mr. X (formerly known as Mr. Twitter) & Joe Mirto

I love that X has his own masked face on the back of his jacket. That is a man who is ready with merchandise for when his push takes off. If this was 2010 they would undoubtedly be Team Wonderful Dog or something. Dog works on the arm of X as Vince calls him a “veteran”. HOW WOULD HE KNOW? He’s literally a generic named masked man! Does Vince have some kind of secret information on the identity of Mr. X that we don’t? What other secrets is Vince keeping from us? Hopefully someday we’ll find out. Over to Mirto, as Dog no-sells his punches. Vince: “Considering his size, he throws a lousy punch.” Poor guy. Wonderful works the arm, so Mirto lets X have another go at it and Orndorff throws him out of the ring and then back in for a clothesline and piledriver to finish at 3:12. Weirdly, Orndorff is wearing a cast on his arm and they just kinda never mention it.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

We go back to Maple Leaf Gardens, as Studd & Bundy double-team Andre the Giant and Bundy hits him with splashes to injure his sternum. But now he’s apparently healed up and fine again.

Terry Funk v. Sal Gee

Funk trades slams with Gee and ends up losing that battle and bailing to the floor. Back in the ring, Gee does another comeback and slugs away in the corner, but Funk beats him back with headbutts and puts him away with a sleeper at 2:22. Crazy that Funk would just go out there and sell like crazy for these scrubs.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene tells us all about an upcoming Boston Garden show with Bruno v. Piper in a steel cage match. Piper joins us and he claims to be unconcerned while his voice trembles in fear about the “giant garlic man”. Yeah there was another match on the undercard that was FAR more important, though.

Magnificent Muraco v. Paul Rose

Muraco beats on him in the corner and pounds him with elbows, and then suplexes him and puts the boots to him. Apparently the jobber is actually “Paul Dose”, which checks out because he has “PD” on his boots. I guess being a wrestler can come in handy if you’re ever murdered in violent fashion, because police can always identify you by the name embroidered on your ass. Muraco with a gutbuster and he finishes with the tombstone piledriver at 3:11. Vince drops a bit scoop on us afterwards: Muraco is looking for a leading role in Hollywood.

Meanwhile, Tito Santana joins Mean Gene to discuss his upcoming Boston Garden title defense against the Macho Man. Apparently it’s the Super Bowl of wrestling at that show, with Tito as the Patriots and Savage as the Chicago Bears. I’m assuming the Bears won that battle.

The British Bulldogs v. Gino Carabello & Terry Gibbs

Davey tosses Gibbs around and Kid comes in with a snap suplex. Davey with a delayed suplex and fisherman’s suplex for two on Carabello, and then Dynamite puts him down with a hooking clothesline. More fast tags for a double clothesline and Davey goes to the chinlock and then puts Carabello on the top, setting up Kid for the superplex to finish at 2:57. The fans went CRAZY for this squash, as the Bulldogs went out there and did hard-hitting moves at high speed. Also the jobber goes out on a stretcher so I dunno what happened there.

Piper’s Pit with special guests the Dream Team. They talk shit about the Bulldogs and Albano, which proves to be a mistake because they were still walking away from the ring after their squash. So Albano challenges them to a match on TV next week, whether it’s for the titles or not. And Johnny V will think about it.

Randy Savage v. George Steele

From SNME, as Savage runs away but gets hurled over the top rope by the Animal. So Steele goes to put the moves on Elizabeth, and back in Savage attacks him in the corner and they brawl to the floor. Savage uses Liz as a shield, so Steele eats the turnbuckle and chases Savage to the floor again. So Savage comes in with the flying axehandle to the distracted Steele and pins him at 3:10.

WRESTLEMANIA 2 IS COMING. Just accept it.

The Hillbillies v. Steve Lombardi, Tiger Chung Lee & Dr. Midnight

Sadly, Cagematch has no information on the identity of Midnight. Cousin Luke holds off the jobbers with kicks, and Uncle Elmer comes in to overpower Midnight with his girth, which gives us a classic HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA from Vince. Elmer bellies Midnight down and Jim pins him at 3:00.

Meanwhile, Ricky Steamboat joins Gene to discuss his martial arts match with Mr. Fuji at the Boston Garden. And Bruno promises he’s not gonna climb out of the cage like a sneaky little snake, he’s gonna WALK OUT THE DOOR, and then does a promo in Italian for his fans in Boston. Sounds serious.

Next week: The Dream Team v. The British Bulldogs in a non-title match!

Here’s that Boston show review if don’t remember it, by the way: https://www.blogofdoom.com/rant/the-smark-rant-for-wwe-network-old-school-boston-garden-02-08-86/