The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 01.11.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 01.11.86

Originally written 06.22.25

I don’t believe this episode is the weird Australian edit that I had last week.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Junkyard Dog & George Steele v. Moondog Spot & John Rizzo

This was a weird one-off combination that went nowhere and didn’t even lead to a house show match as far as I know. They just teamed up together a couple of times on TV and then the team was forgotten immediately afterwards. The babyfaces storm the ring and chase Spot to the floor and then double-team Rizzo in the corner, with Steele coming in for occasional bites while the ref tries to explain the concept of tag team wrestling to them. Dog headbutts Rizzo out of a chinlock and pins him at 3:23. Afterwards, Captain Lou and JYD teach him some dance steps.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

This week’s subject is the ongoing feud between Ricky Steamboat and Don Muraco, both trying to represent Hawaii. Alfred notes that Ricky is on a tear and is LITERALLY destroying opponents. Um, ACKSHULLY, I think he meant figuratively.

Terry Funk v. Mike Sexton

“Terry Funk should take a course in sensitivity training” notes a real sign in the crowd. I don’t even know what to do with that. Funk tosses Sexton and Jimmy Hart goes after the jobber, so he chases Jimmy and we get a footrace that leads to Terry laying him out on the floor. So the graphic here calls him “Mike Sexton” but Vince and the Fink seem to think he’s “Michael Saxon” so I dunno. If we don’t even know who the jobbers are, we might as well be living with anarchy. Back in the ring, Funk hits the guy with headbutts, but that doesn’t work, so Terry gets a sleeper instead and puts him out at 3:00. Of course, this means it’s time for the dude to get his boob branded, as you’d expect.

Meanwhile, the British Bulldogs join Mean Gene and Dynamite cuts the least charismatic promo ever for someone who is basically a sociopath in real life. No wonder they had Captain Lou talking for them.

Jose Luis Rivera v. Dave Barbie

Nope, it’s another random drop-in match instead of the advertised Tito & Pedro tag team match, so I guess it’s another international edit of the show. What’s the point of replacing star power matches with random curtain jerking junk like this and generic Gorilla Monsoon commentary? Barbie chokes Rivera out on the ropes and slugs away in the corner before hitting an elbow for two. This guy is on the Philly shows from around this time and he’s AWFUL. Rivera fights back with a dropkick and Barbie can barely take that bump and then comes back with a powerslam to finish at 3:00. Really, they’re putting THIS stiff over on TV? He looks like he should have shaved his head and worked as Comrade Barbovsky in the AWA or something.

Meanwhile, the Hart Foundation chats with Mean Gene, as Anvil rants about the amount of animal-themed wrestlers at the moment and thinks it’s lame. Amazingly, Bret’s hair is DRY here, and that’s a weird look on him.

King Kong Bundy v. Jeff Cripley & Paul Dose

Bundy beats on both geeks in the corner and tosses Dose before putting Cripley down with a back elbow. The other wanders back in and Bundy rams them together and then clobbers Cripley with a clothesline before slamming the other guy on top and splashing both of them for the pin at 1:55, complete with the FIVE COUNT.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Jimmy Hart and his newly repackaged Adorable Adrian Adonis, who now has bows in his hair. “I jumped out of the closet and there were no brooms behind me”. Adrian retires his leather jacket and presents it to Piper, because he’s now all about bright colors and being fabulous. Good for him! Hopefully fans will be understanding of his new lifestyle.

The Magnificent Muraco v. Joe Williams

Muraco with a suplex as Vince notes that the jobber is rather “green” next to Muraco. STOP WITH THE INSIDER TERMS! WHAT ABOUT THE CASUALS? He tosses Williams and then beats on him out on the apron, which of course prompts Fuji to get his cheapshots in as well. Back in the ring, Muraco runs him into the corner and goes up with the falling kneedrop before finishing with a tombstone at 2:34. Vince is pretty sure this guy is never gonna step back in the ring again and calls him “inept”. Geez, did the guy sneeze in front of Vince backstage or something? Also the replay shows that Muraco absolutely spiked the guy on top of his head with that thing and even Bruno piles on him.

Ricky Steamboat & King Tonga v. AJ Petruzzi & Ron Shaw

Goddamn it’s been so long since I’ve heard Alan Parsons Project left intact on a Ricky Steamboat match that I was beginning to question whether they actually existed or I just dreamed “Sirius”. Maybe all of progressive rock was just a fever dream? No, I can’t accept a world without Rush, never mind. Tonga puts Petruzzi down with a back elbow and does some dancing to celebrate, which frustrates Petruzzi. “Don’t get him angry” notes Bruno in a huge understatement. Dragon works the arm and Tonga comes in and puts the boots to the arm before taking him down with a hammerlock. Tonga with a back suplex for two. Over to Shaw, and he immediately gets double-chopped by the babyfaces, but they manage to trap Steamboat in the corner so Ricky can do some selling. But then Tonga returns with a solid clothesline on Petruzzi to set up Ricky’s flying bodypress at 4:03.

Meanwhile, Cowboy Bob Orton joins Mean Gene to discuss his relationship with Roddy Piper, which has no jealousy. They’re the perfect combination!

And we wrap it up for the week, as Vince has heard rumors that George Steele might be in love with Elizabeth? More on that next week, I guess.