The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 01.04.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championshp Wrestling – 01.04.86

Gotta say, I was really torn between starting this project and doing Superstars 89 instead. Maybe I’ll do both, I dunno. So many good choices.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, sometime in mid-December.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino’s yellow jacket

Hillbilly Jim & Cousin Luke v. Moondog Spot & Al Navarro

So what exactly distinguishes the Moondogs from the Hillbillies? They seem like mostly the same character, to be honest. Thankfully we were in the final throes of Hillbilly Madness at this point, as America was ready to move onto ALF and pogs and pogs with ALF on them. Jim grabs a headlock as Vince sums up Spot’s tenure as “wrestling for 5, maybe 8, years, and maybe longer.” That’s quite the spread. Luke comes in and Spot cuts him off with a slam. Over to Navarro, who kind of bounces off Luke, and Luke hits him with a pair of kneelifts, setting up Jim to finish with the bearhug at 3:02. Spot deserves way better treatment than jobbing to these two.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

Hayes gets the honor of throwing to a clip of Hulk Hogan’s Rock N Wrestling, which he describe as an “intriguing piece of animation” which he’s sure we will like if we haven’t seen.

Meanwhile, in a local drop-in interview for wherever the tape is from, SD Jones sits down with an Australian reporter and talks about the fascinating origins of his name (“I don’t know, a promoter gave it to me a long time ago”) and switching between wrestling and boxing, plus injuries and childhood wounds. This was actually an interesting interview!

Tiger Chung Lee v. Tony Stetson

Gorilla’s on commentary here so this must be from All Star Wrestling. Lee takes hm down off a pair of wristlocks and works the arm while Gorilla thrills us with tales of Tiger’s “undefeated tour of the Orient”, which is usually code for someone getting suspended for drugs or something else. Lee elbows him down and hammerlocks the arm before running him into the corner and putting the boots to him, but Stetson backdrops him for two, and then Lee finishes with a tombstone piledriver at 2:52.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene interviews Fabulous Moolah and runs down all the challengers for her title, and then accuses her of ducking people.

SD Jones v. The Gladiator

Another one spliced in from All Star Wrestling, which is weird because they were advertising the Killer Bees before the break. They trade takedowns and SD works the arm, but Gladiator whips him into the corner a couple of times, and then misses a blind charge. SD finishes with a headbutt at 3:40.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene does a drop in for an upcoming Australian tour, so I guess we know where this is coming from. Andre the Giant has words for Big John Studd when they meet in Melbourne.

Meanwhile, Cpl. Kirchner joins Mean Gene and he wants to know why Sheik and Volkoff won’t face him! Dude sounds like he’s tripping balls here. LEAVE SOME DRUGS FOR THE REST OF THE LOCKER ROOM, BRO.

Randy Savage v. Don Driggers

Some guy has a “Hulkster Loves Elizabeth” sign in the crowd. More like he LUSTS after her. Savage, for those of you like myself who enjoy keeping track of these things, has lime green trunks and yellow boots this week. Driggers gets a bit of offense on Macho, so Savage bails and then comes in from a high knee OUTTA NOWHERE to send this geek flying to the floor, before dropping the big elbow, YEAH, and pinning him with one foot at 1:45. The replay shows the insane hangtime he got on that thing.

Piper’s Pit with Fabulous Moolah. Piper talks about ladies’ wrestling and learning to “protect her body parts” in the ring, and then plants a kiss on her after we learn that Hulk Hogan has been asking for a date for months and she keeps turning him down.

Meanwhile, the Australian reporter gets to interview Ted Arcidi, who is apparently a regularly working actor these days. He comes across as a personable guy here, as the reporter gets him to talk about his weightlifting days, and Ted is happy to engage on that topic. Too bad he was such crap in the ring.

Cpl. Kirchner v. Gino Carabello

So they immediately fuck up a simple leapfrog spot and Kirchner puts him on the floor with some armdrags and then slingshots him back in and suplexes him. Kirchner with a gawky looking elbowdrop and a butterfly suplex for two. And he finishes with the samoan drop at 1:32.

Meanwhile, we get some clips of the Wrestling Album and the various nominations for Best Vocal Performances to be decided at the Slammys. Who keeps letting Mean Gene sing on these things?

The Dream Team v. Tony Stetson & Paul Dose

Some very mean fans chant “Fruitcake” at Brutus, who hits Dose with a butterfly suplex and then cranks a facelock on Stetson. Valentine with a drop suplex on Stetson, which Bruno notes is less effective because you’re not transferring your body weight onto the victim. Beefcake chokes him out on the ropes and then Valentine slams him on the floor. Beefcake works on the leg with a spinning toehold, and then Valentine finishes with the figure-four at 3:04.

Meanwhile, Bobby Heenan introduces his new team of Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy, the team who can’t be slammed! And Hulk Hogan better shine up that belt!

And Vince and Bruno wrap it up. Next week: Junkyard Dog & George Steele team up! Terry Funk is here! Magnificent Muraco!

This show is 150% my jam.