The SmarK Rant for WWF Action Zone – 10.30.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Action Zone – 10.30.94

Totally forgot that I started doing this show last year. Hopefully this episode has a legendary tag team match to keep me hooked. But what are the odds of THAT?

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Todd Pettengill

WWF World tag team title: Shawn Michaels & Diesel v. Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid

I reviewed this one on the Kliq Rules DVD but that’s been a few years so let’s give it another look. Big brawl to start and the champs retreat to the floor, but Razor sends Shawn in for a rollup from the Kid that gets two. Kid backdrops him and goes up with a crossbody for two, and a victory roll for two. Rana is blocked with a powerbomb and Shawn brings Big Kev in, and he tosses Kid across the ring. Another toss is countered in mid-air with a dropkick, and Razor comes in to save his little buddy and slugs it out with Diesel. Slam gets two, but Diesel catches him with a short arm clothesline, and we take a break. Back with Shawn trading punches with Razor, but Diesel gets a blind tag and puts Razor down with a clothesline to take over. Diesel with the knees in the corner and Shawn adds a clothesline from the apron behind the ref’s back, as these guys have great tag team timing. Diesel with the sideslam out of the corner for two. Shawn offers a boot and Diesel obliges with Razor’s head, and Shawn comes in with a flying elbow for two. Shawn with a chinlock, but Razor fights out with a backslide for two. Shawn cuts him off again with a dropkick for two and it’s a SEE SAW MATCHUP BACK AND FORTH. Sounds like something awful Vince and Big Johnny used to do to women in the park. Diesel chokes Razor out on the ropes and drops elbows on him for two. Diesel with a neck vice and Razor fights out of that, but Shawn gets a cheapshot from the apron and Diesel puts him down for two. Shawn with the abdominal stretch and they switch off on that, drawing mad heat from the crowd for the simple tag team spot because Shawn is so over the top with the cheating. We take another break and return with Shawn working Razor over and slugging him down, and Razor finally fights back and makes the hot tag to the Kid. But the ref misses it, so Shawn loads up a superkick…and hits Diesel by mistake. Big D is out in the corner, so Kid gets the tag for real and runs wild on Shawn, sending him to the floor and hitting him with a dive. Back in for a missile dropkick that gets two. Razor with a sack of shit slam while Diesel plays dead in the corner, and then Razor tosses Kid onto Shawn for two. To the top and Razor gets a superplex on Shawn for two, and Kid comes in with a Rocket Launcher on Shawn for two. Razor hits Shawn with a lariat while Shawn is desperately trying to wake up Diesel, who is sleeping like he’s six beers deep on a Saturday night, but Shawn gets a sleeper to buy some more time. Kid makes the save while Diesel revives from his Ambien-induced slumber on the floor, knocked cold by a kick for 5 minutes like a lowly referee, and Razor slingshots Shawn into the post for the double down. Kid gets another hot tag and goes up with the flying legdrop for two. But Diesel finally wakes up, hits Kid with the big boot, and Shawn gets the pin to retain at 24:00. I’m sure the conversation in the back was like “Diesel, we need you to lay down and play dead for the last quarter of the match and you’ll still get paid.” And he was like “I reluctantly accept.” An incredible TV match for 1994, completely state of art stuff mixed with old school tag team wrestling with four guys trying to get themselves over. The unique storyline of the babyfaces desperately trying to beat the “weaker” Shawn Michaels while Diesel was unconscious, and repeatedly failing, was also great. ****1/2

Meanwhile, Vince and Todd preview the impending Survivor Series.

Mr. Bob Backlund v. Russ Greenberg

Todd’s big comedy line is that Bob used to have to a street named after him in Minnesota, Backlund Boulevard, which is now Psycho Street. Even Vince can’t fake laugh that one very convincingly. Backlund takes Greenberg down and rides him while Vince complains that you can’t address Bob like a normal human being backstage because he’s so crazy. INSERT NICHOLAS CAGE MEME FACE HERE. Greenberg tries a crossbody and Backlund walks away like Samoa Joe and PROCURES THE CHICKEN WING at 3:00 to finish.

Doink the Clown v. Tony DeVito

Vince promises MISCHIEF impending. Well he’s the expert. At least Doink didn’t take a shit on anyone. That we know of. I mean honestly he might have, at least when it was Matt Borne. Doink takes DeVito down with an armbar and all the midgets run in and torment the poor guy while he’s trying to fight it. No wonder all his hair fell out from stress. Tony used to have a quality mullet! Doink with a dropkick and he goes up and finishes with the Whoopie Cushion at 2:31. I wonder if Vince played that fart sound when…you know what, never mind.

Meanwhile, IRS repossesses the flowers from someone’s grave to pay off a tax bill. The US health care system was probably watching this and going “I like the cut of his jib!”

King Kong Bundy v. Aaron Ferguson

Bundy beats him down with forearms and puts the boots to him while we cut to another studio at the “Peacock Channel” where two television personalities ignore the football scores and watch this match instead. Bundy wins with the Avalanche for the five count at 1:40. Not sure what the Peacock Channel represents or who Mike Zitka is supposed to be. It was just too subtle.

Lex Luger v. The Executioner

Lex, who is of course definitively not a sellout according to Vince, works a headlock on the masked man and gives him some slams. Backbreaker and he follows with the clothesline and a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it all the flights in North America as I’m writing this, and the REBEL RACK finishes at 3:00.

Next week: Mabel v. Yokozuna! Well we had a good run with this show.