The SmarK Rant for WWE Vault – Terry Funk Mixtape

The SmarK Rant for WWE Vault – Terry Funk Mixtape

Part 1

The Macho Man Mixtape was terrific and this is a great idea for a followup, once again the kind of thing I would have sourced as a tape trader back in the day. The nerds who run the Vault channel continue hitting it out of the park.

I would be remiss in not mentioning that the transition between all the matches is Funk having a horse fart in his face, by the way.

First up, Terry does an unhinged promo in 1989 about his father accidentally running over a jackass that turned out to be RIC FLAIR. He could tell because it smelled like hairspray and cheap cologne, you see.

Naturally this leads to…

I Quit match: Ric Flair v. Terry Funk

Although this is non-title, Flair has promised to give up the World title if he loses. Flair immediately chops Funk to the floor and he freaks out about that. Back in, Flair hits him with chops and Funk runs away again. Back in, Funk wins a slugfest and stomps Flair over to the apron, where he delivers a further beating with chops and a headbutt. Back in, Flair hits him with another chop, so Funk elbows him down and tosses him while laying the badmouth. They fight up the aisle and Funk beats on him with the microphone, but Flair fights back with chops. Back in the ring, Funk slugs him down again and offers Flair the chance to quit, but even calling him an EGG SUCKING DOG doesn’t convince him. Flair fights him off with an atomic drop, but Funk gets a neckbreaker and they fight to the floor. At this point Flair goes nuts with more chops out there while Terry flails around helplessly, apparently losing control of his limbs due to the force behind the shots. I mean, can you BLAME him? Holy shit. Back in, Flair chokes him out and tells him to quit, but there’s an inherent contradiction there. So Ric goes for the branding iron, but Funk nails him from behind to protect his property and gets a neckbreaker. Funk offers him a chance to quit before he delivers another piledriver and breaks his neck again, but Flair won’t go for that deal, so Funk gives him the piledriver as promised and goes to work on the neck.

Back to the floor as Funk means business now and he delivers another piledriver, on the FLOORBOARDS this time, and Jim Ross is aghast at this monster. “I know it’s no-disqualification but he’s got to have a little bit of compassion!” Geez, JR, maybe grow a set. Funk slams him on a table and sets it up on the apron, but Flair is ALIVE and fires back with more chops in desperation. He runs Funk into his own table and then sends him flying across it like a cowboy in a bar fight, and it’s back to the chops again. He crotches Funk on the railing and adds another chop, and poor Terry does the Curly Shuffle in the ring due to the pain before taking a kneedrop and bailing to the floor again. Back in, Flair continues working on the nuts with an atomic drop, and goes to work on the knee now that he’s got the advantage. He just brutally beats on Funk with chops, then kicks the knee out, and then when Terry goes to grab his knee in pain, Flair hits him with another chop to stand him up again. Funk finally runs away in terror and Flair tackles him in the aisle because he’s had enough, and drags Funk back to ringside with a kneecrusher. Back in with a suplex and Gary Hart is not OK with how things are going, but Flair can’t get the figure-four because Funk pokes him in the eye out of desperation. Funk tries a suplex, but Flair reverses to his own onto the apron and Funk is Funked now. Back in, Flair keeps doing the chop/knee shot combo until Funk goes down, and the figure-four makes Terry break down and say “I Quit” at 18:35 and I still get chills. *****

From Shotgun Saturday Night, Terry Funk shows up the night before the 1997 Royal Rumble at a show in Texas, while Steve Austin does commentary and bitches about him. Terry wants to be #1 in the Rumble because George W. Bush designated him as the Texas representative and he wants to go all the way. And then he challenges anyone who wants to rumble with him RIGHT NOW before suddenly saying WCW is a bunch of “snake sucking scumbags” and then calls Vince McMahon a “Yankee bastard” who is also scared of him. Finally he calls out Steve Austin and then heads over to start some shit as Austin calmly calls him a senile old man who needs some Geritol tabs to calm down. So Terry heads back into the ring and continues doing his unhinged promo, and Austin has had enough of Terry wasting valuable TV time and goes to confront him. So Terry slaps him around and Austin slugs him out of the ring as they go to break. Later, Austin is facing Goldust, and Terry hits the ring for some revenge, triggering a big brawl with everyone in the dressing room, and Funk ends up taking a bump into the beer tub.

Yes! The empty arena match is next!

Terry Funk v. Jerry Lawler

This mixtape is swinging for the fences already. Save some for the third hour! So this is the historic meeting from 1981, as Funk challenges Lawler to a match in the empty Mid-South Coliseum, with Lance Russell overseeing it. Lance asks Funk not to swear and so Funk goes on a profanity-filled rant against Lawler and then counts the absent Lawler out and declares himself the winner because Lawler is a cowardly son of a BITCH. “He may have gotten tied up in traffic or something” notes Lance. Funk wandering around the ring and spouting paranoid conspiracies is worth the price of admission as it is. So finally Lawler does arrive in his crown and cape and Funk goes off on THAT, calling him a clown with no one here to help him. YOU IDIOT. Funk offers him one chance to leave if he wants, since he’s a fat idiot and a coward and all. So Funk spits on him and they slug it out, before Funk runs away immediately and demands Lawler back up and let him back in. Back in, they slug it out and then fight into the empty seats outside, where Funk flails like a crazy man and knocks the chairs over before tossing them at Lawler. Lawler tosses him into another pile of chairs and Funk takes another crazy bump onto those before running away and calling Lawler “SON OF A BITCH” in a funny high pitched voice. So this time Funk grabs a metal sign and attacks Lawler with that, and then takes him to the floor and piledrives him on the concrete before tossing him into the chairs. Back in the ring, Lawler steals a 2×4 from Funk and it breaks apart, so he starts stabbing Funk in the face, at which point Funk cries that his eye is out, and a disgusted Lawler just walks out at 15:00 or so while Funk cries like a baby and yet continues slagging Lawler. This was all amazing, although 40 years later we had empty arena matches for an entirely different reason.

Terry Funk v. Tommy Rich

From ECW at the “Crossing the Line Again” show in February 1997. Rich retreats into the crowd and so Funk chases him into the ring and Rich is already busted open. Funk slugs away in the corner and tosses him back out, and does a funny bit where he hops out and then discovers that he’s landed on a table that he didn’t expect to be there. Rich tries to run away again, so Funk runs him into the railing and smashes his knee with a chair. Back in the ring for more chairshots to the knee and then he takes a seat and slaps Tommy around while lecturing him, but Rich slugs back and Funk takes a wacky bump to the floor off that. So Rich runs him into the post and they fight into the crowd as you KNOW Funk is busted open now, and Rich beats on him with chairshots until Funk retreats back into the ring again. Rich with clotheslines as it’s kind of hilarious how easily these two old guys manipulate the “smart” ECW crowd by doing a super old school match with selling, selling, selling and no big moves and yet still have them in the palm of their hand. Rich with a DDT for two, and another one gets two, so Rich DDTs the ref as well. Funk retreats to the floor and Rich beats on his knee with the chair as a receipt, and puts the boots to him in the ring. Rich keeps beating on the knee, but Funk fights back with headbutts. Rich puts him in the spinning toehold and Funk slugs out of that and then drops a blatant knee on Rich’s junk before doing his own spinning toehold for the submission at 10:47. In an ECW match! That’s awesome. ****

From TNT, Terry Funk takes Jimmy Hart to the ranch and teaches him how to maintain a horse.

Next up, Terry does an interview where he wants to use all his ranch money (“So rich I’m eight feet up a cow’s ass”) and buy New York so he can pave it and put a parking lot there instead.

Terry Funk v. Leaping Lanny Poffo

From MSG, July 1985. Funk beats on Poffo to start, but Lanny threatens retaliation and does a backflip, which has Terry falling down in shock. So Terry pounds on him with some nasty chops and whips Lanny into the corner, but Poffo reverses and Funk takes an upside down bump and bails to the floor. Back in the ring, Funk wants a test of strength, but Poffo rolls backwards to reverse it and then backflips out of a wristlock and applies his own armbar. Finally Funk takes him to the floor with a monkey flip and puts the boots to him while laying the badmouth on him. Apparently he’s a pig is what I’m getting from Funk here. Back in, Funk tries an atomic drop, but Poffo reverses to his own and Funk takes another wacky bump to the floor. Back in, Funk uses his famous worked punch in the corner to take over, hopefully not hitting him as hard as he did to poor Cactus Jack, and he pulls Poffo out of the corner and teases a figure-four. Poffo escapes from that, so Funk beats on him with elbows, and Poffo mounts a comeback of his own. But then Funk grabs his hair and delivers two headbutts, which then knocks himself silly as he takes another bump to the apron. He actually gets a suplex on Poffo from the inside to the outside, as Poffo thankfully lands on his feet while taking the bump so as not to die. Back in the ring, Funk with a spinning, delayed suplex, which gets two. That was a cool move. Funk with a neckbreaker for two. Poffo comes back with a sunset flip for two and makes another comeback, slugging away in the corner, and Funk gets hung in the corner, which allows Poffo the chance to kick him to the floor. Back in, Poffo with a moonsault for two. Yes, in 1985. Funk slugs on him, but Poffo takes him down with a rana for two. So Funk puts the boots to him and catches him with a sleeper this time, but Lanny fights out of that, until Funk takes him down again and this time Poffo is out at 13:15. This was a HELL of a match. ****

Another promo from Funk in the WWF, as he’s at his ranch and tells a story about his extra large…heart. Unlike Hulk Hogan and Ricky Steamboat. It makes him so hot that he’s JUICY.

From Florida, new NWA World champion Terry Funk talks with Gordon Solie after beating Jack Brisco. But Gordon informs him that the rematch is going to be in Tampa, not Amarillo like Terry was previously informed. So he’s going to be an offensive champion, not a coward like Brisco who runs to the ropes with every hold. Gordon: “He had you pinned for a five count at one point in the match.” Funk: “I don’t recall that.”

Terry Funk v. Eddie Guerrero

So yeah, this is a famous match from World Championship Wrestling in May of 1989, as Eddie was in his teens and came in for a tryout, so Terry Funk decided to do his best to earn him a job. Terry immediately makes friends with the ring announcer, demanding that he wait for Terry to remove his chaps so he can be given a proper introduction! Well that’s just common sense. Funk comes in with chops, but Eddie rolls away from him and hits him with an enzuigiri to chase Terry to the floor in frustration. Back in the ring, Funk mocks the rolling and hits Eddie with chops in the corner, but Eddie flips out of there, only to get caught in a GIANT SWING. Funk puts the boots to him and drops a fist on him before finally getting his chops in, but he misses a charge and gets caught up in the ropes. So Eddie makes a comeback with a flying headscissors and dropkick, but Funk picks him up and slams him from the ring to the floor! That was right over the top and JR wonders why that wasn’t a DQ. Me too, but HOLY CRAP what a bump. Funk follows him out, but Eddie goes up and dives onto him with a crossbody to the floor, but then he tries another dive and splats on the floor for another hellacious bump. And then Funk hits him with a baseball slide and Eddie flies over the railing and lands on the floor. And then Funk piledrives him on the floor for good measure! WHAT EVEN IS THIS?!? Back in the ring, Funk drops one more knee on him and pins him at 5:05. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? How did they not give Guerrero a contract after seeing that match?

Back to the WWF, as Funk tells another story about a man in a bar who orders drinks and calls the bartender a jackass every time he brings the drinks.

The Nation of Domination v. Cactus Jack, Chainsaw Charlie, Steve Austin & The Undertaker

And we got a dark match from a RAW taping in December of 1997 next. Jack hits D-Lo with a hiptoss and double-teams him in the corner, as Funk comes in with a neckbreaker. The Rock slugs away on Funk and quickly loses that battle, and then Austin tags in and chases him out of the ring. Back in, Rock disrespects the vest and we get a brawl on the floor, which leads to Funk getting trapped in the Nation corner and worked over. Jack comes in and D-Lo drops a leg for two, but misses a big windup forearm. Jack can’t escape yet, so Faarooq comes in, but lands on Jack’s knees and it’s hot tag Undertaker. It’s BONZO GONZO and Rock begs off from Undertaker, but turns around and it’s KICK WHAM STUNNER for the pin at 8:23 in a great finish. Nothing to the match but a fun curiosity. *1/2

So that’s part one. What a GREAT compilation this has already been, though, even just the 90 minutes I’ve watched so far. I feel like Funk is still underappreciated no matter how much we pay tribute to him over and over.

Part 2

Carrying on! The first 90 minutes was some of the most fun I’ve had watching wrestling in a while and hopefully it continues that way.

First up, we join a hardcore match in progress between Funk and Chris Candido from Thunder in 2000, as they fight into a stable and the horse kicks Candido in what I’m assuming was a shoot. That’s a very WCW thing to happen.

Next up, Terry talks about the “throw me a chair” spot from ECW, laughing about getting knocked out cold by one of the flying chairs. “It was a good time” he notes.

ECW World title: Terry Funk v. Chris Candido

From Wrestlepalooza 97 in Philly. Chris is wearing Funk-style tights, and they do some scientific takedown exchanges to start. Funk tosses him out, so Candido beats on him with chops in the ring and Funk bails to the floor. Back in, Funk gets his own chops and Candido retreats to the floor this time and they calmly regroup and take it back into the ring again. Candido immediately throws him over the top one more time and they fight into the crowd this time, and back to ringside where Candido piledrives him awkwardly onto an open chair in a goofy spot. So he tries another piledriver on the table, but the table breaks before he do the move and this crowd has been what I can only term shockingly forgiving of an incredibly shitty match thus far. Back in the ring, Candido with a third piledriver, for two this time. Piledrivers #4 and 5 and 6 follow, and that gets two. Candido with a neckbreaker now, not once, not twice, but THRICE, and that gets two. Funk bails to the floor to regroup from all this, but Candido brings him back in and gives him a neckbreaker on a pair of chairs and Funk does the Curly Shuffle sell, for two. Powerbomb gets two. Funk comes back with his own neckbreaker and follows with a piledriver attempt, but Chris reverses to a rana and puts him down with a clothesline. Top rope rana gets two as they are just not clicking at all. Funk fights back with headbutts and finishes with la majastral cradle at 12:00 to retain. This was pretty awful, just lumbering from spot to spot. *

Back to the WWF, as Terry takes Jimmy Hart camping and Jimmy is a city boy who fears WEREWOLVES. I mean it’s a valid fear. But Terry meant “there were wolves”.

Next up, Terry teaches us about “A Dusty”, which is a 300 pound blob filled with fat and hot air, which can easily be defeated with a handy chainsaw to remove excess obesity and hot air as needed. Also if you breed the remains of the Dusty with a disgusting barmaid, you get “A Dustin”, who is also a jackass and whines a lot.

Dusty Rhodes v. Terry Funk

This looks to be footage from Florida in the 70s, basically just a series of clips of the match that quickly finishes with Dusty injuring Terry’s arm and submitting him with a standing armbar before continuing to brutalize him until Dory Funk makes the save for his brother and is somehow the heel in all this. Dusty was beating the man up after the bell like a maniac! And indeed, the Funk Brothers get revenge and appear to break Dusty’s arm afterwards. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Terry talks about “hardcore” and describes it as a tough, physical form of entertainment rather than the more specific definition fans have given it.

Terry Funk v. TNT

Off to Puerto Rico in a baseball stadium, as they go brawling into the crowd immediately as the announcer clarifies that this is part of the original tournament for the WWC Universal title. I’m presuming that was won by Carlos Colon. They finally make it into the ring and TNT uses his Caribbean martial arts to take over and runs Funk into the post and they fight to the light standards and of course Funk takes bumps into those as well. Back in the ring, Terry comes back with a sleeper, but TNT throws him over the top for another crazy bump from Funk, and back in for more kicks from TNT as Funk does the rocking horse spot in the rocks. And then a table gets involved and the ref is wiped out, resulting in a double DQ at 5:52. And they just keep fighting off the field.

Terry Funk & Nick Bockwinkel & Steve Regal v. Curt Hennig, Greg Gagne & Jim Brunzell

Off to the AWA in 1985 for a match I have definitely never seen before. Nick beats on Groovy Greg to start, but Greg makes a comeback and chases Nick to the floor. Back in, it’s over to Hennig, who backdrops MR. ELECTRICITY and goes to work on the arm. Brunzell cleans house on the heels, but Funk comes in, billed as “The Bounty Hunter”, and drops Brunzell with a back suplex. Back to Gagne as there’s apparently only 2 minutes left in the match. Bockwinkel puts Gagne in the sleeper, but reverses to his own sleeper and everyone runs in for the brawl. Bockwinkel and Greg collide for the double down and everyone brawls again and it’s a draw at 6:40. I’m assuming that was some kind of “end of the show” time limit deal to explain the incredibly short time limit. Just kind of a random six-man. **

Terry gives a speech at an ECW fan event, quoting Teddy Roosevelt (“Is it the buck stops here?” “No but I probably should have just said that and let you all go home.”) and then gives the fans and the wrestlers a standing ovation and brings the house down.

Back to the WWF, with Terry and Jimmy Hart on the Double Cross Ranch, admiring Funk Country as far as the eye can see, where there’s no Hulk Hogan or Junkyard Dog to annoy him. But there’s no buffalo, which cracks Terry up and stops the take.

Too Much & Jerry Lawler v. Terry Funk, Dustin Runnels & Bradshaw

From Shotgun Saturday Night in June 1998, during the weird period where Dustin was no longer Goldust and had absolutely no direction. Dustin works on Scotty’s arm and Bradshaw comes in with a big boot and corner clothesline, then hits a back suplex off the middle ropes. Over to Brian Christopher, but Bradshaw no-sells his stuff and brings in Terry. And he wants Lawler. So Jerry immediately hits a piledrive, but Funk sends him to the floor for a brawl out there. Funk beats on him out there, so Lawler retreats back into the ring and tags out to Christopher. Funk beats on him with chops on the ropes, and Lawler makes the mistake of tagging back in and immediately takes a piledriver. So Lawler tags out again to Scotty, who puts the boots to Dustin to take over. Too Much with a Hart Attack on Dustin, but Brian misses a blind charge and crotches himself in the corner, and it’s hot tag Bradshaw, who no-sells everything and destroys the heels before powerbombing Christopher for two. And the Texans all team up to clear the ring before the Clothesline from Hell finishes Brian at 9:00. God Bradshaw was just insufferable at this point. At least JBL had a personality. Fun match otherwise. **1/2

Back to the 70s, as NWA World champion Terry Funk sits down with Eddie Graham, the NWA President. Terry promises that they’ll pick contenders together and find people he can beat. But Eddie disagrees and notes that, no, he’ll be giving Terry the best contenders and not just people that are hand-picked. “But I thought we were closest of friends?”

Bret Hart v. Terry Funk

Well this was gonna have to be on here. Of course, the special referee is Dennis Stamp, who finally got booked. This was of course yet another Terry Funk retirement match, back in 1997, before “Terry Funk retirement match” completely lost all meaning. Paul Heyman of course does an awesome promo beforehand putting him over, and awards him a Lifetime ECW World champion belt that he probably reclaimed afterwards because it had to go back to J-Mar for store credit. Bret also puts him over beforehand, but then clarifies that he’ll have to kick Terry’s ass and beat him in his hometown. Funk takes him down with a headlock and Bret fights out of that. Funk with another one on the mat, so Bret twists him up and into a facelock. Funk reverses out to the spinning toehold, the FAMOUS FUNK SPINNING TOEHOLD no less, and Bret has to make the ropes. They brawl outside for a bit and Bret chokes him out in the ring since it’s no-DQ, and Bret slugs him to the floor, clearly playing heel tonight. Bret with a suplex back in the ring and he goes to work on the leg in the corner. Terry tries to fight back and Bret kicks the knee out again, sending Funk to the floor and then beating on the knee with a chair. Back in for a lengthy figure-four, but Funk makes the ropes and slugs Bret down again. DDT gets two. Piledriver gets two. They head to the floor again and brawl into the fairgrounds. Back to the ring, Bret uses the ringpost figure-four and then goes to work on the knee again. Next up, Bret grabs a chair and beats on Funk with that, but Funk gets his own chair and fights back with it. Back to the floor as this thing continues meandering aimlessly, with Funk trying to do one match (ECW brawl) and Bret trying to do another match (Bret Hart lazy house show match), and Funk tries a moonsault off the apron that misses, putting himself through a table. Back in the ring, Bret drops an elbow on him, but goes for the Sharpshooter and Funk cradles for two. Terry goes for the leg and Bret swings freely at him, but Funk takes him down and gets the spinning toehold until Bret cradles for two. They collide for a double down and Funk falls on top for two, and then they do the stupid double suplex spot and Bret gets his shoulder up for the pin at 25:00. God I hate that finish. Fans don’t appreciate that finish either, but it’s not like Funk was really retired anyway. Wasn’t a terrible match but it was overly long and they didn’t really have much to say with it. **1/2.

Honestly, kind of a disappointing 90 minutes compared to the amazing first third. Some interesting rarities but no real can’t-miss bangers this time around.

Part 3

And we finish off the rather long mixtape, hopefully with a better final hour or so than the lackluster Bret Hart match that ended Part 2.

First up, Terry is back on the Double Cross Ranch, looking high and low for Eddie Gilbert and unable to find him anywhere, until he discovers that in fact he just had to look at his horse’s ass. The graphic saying “Eddie Gilbert” is an awesome touch.

Sting & Steve Williams v. Terry Funk & Terry Gordy

Obviously we’re in 1989 leading up to the Great American Bash show, on the Power Hour, and Sting chops Funk and clotheslines him to the floor. Back in the ring, Funk slugs away and tosses Sting, but Sting lands on his feet and pops right back in to avoid any skullduggery from the heels. This gives an interesting fan a chance to mock them and somehow not crack Terry up. So now Gordy tries to throw Sting out for a beating, but Sting just jumps right back in again, the one time Sting outsmarted someone. Also the New Orleans crowd serenades us with “Funk Ain’t Shit” just so we know where they stand on the matter. So Terry jumps into the crowd to start an argument but Tommy Young talks him into coming back. Back in the ring, Sting hits Gordy with a bodypress for two, but Gordy hits him with a corner clothesline. So Doc tags in and it’s a HOSS FIGHT but the ref calms things down. So the heels throw Williams to the floor and this time it DOES work, and Funk runs him into the railing and they take turns punching Doc down while he tries to get back in. Back in the ring, the heels hit Doc with a spike piledriver, which gets two. Gordy wallops him with a lariat for two and they slug it out, but Funk comes in for the double-team as they work on the neck. Doc reverses the spinning toehold for two and they collide for a double down and it’s hot tag Sting. So he’s not fucking around and he just piledrives Funk right away and that gets two. Blind charge misses and he crotches himself on the top rope, allowing Funk to take over again and go to work on the knee outside. Williams saves and fights with Funk on the floor, but then Gordy hits Sting with a corner clothesline back in the ring to keep him down. Funk with headbutts, but Sting gets all fired up and comes back with a bulldog for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Gary Hart runs in, but Sting beats on him as well and it’s a DQ at 11:42. Funk goes after him with the branding iron, but Doc steals it and cleans house. Both of these teams had some great chemistry and I would classify this one as a hidden gem. ***1/2.

Back on the Double Cross Ranch, Terry locks his own head in a cattle shoot to train for Hulk Hogan. You know, the way real men train for wrestling matches.

Terry Funk v. Mick Foley

This is from an episode I never actually watched back in the day. From RAW in April 1998, with Mick trying to get back in the favors of Vince McMahon and earn a rematch with Steve Austin at Over the Edge, by beating his best friend. So we’ve got Pat Patterson as the special referee and this is a no holds barred match. Funk quickly tosses Mick and they brawl on the floor, where Funk breaks a chair on Mick’s head. Terry runs him into the announce table and Steve Austin has some technical issues on commentary, while Mick tosses Funk and gets two. So Austin gets sick of whoever is messing with his headset and beats up Lawler in frustration. Foley is busted open after a trip to the stairs and Funk slugs away on the cut and then backdrops Mick onto exposed concrete. They go brawling into the crowd and smash up the concession stand on the floor, with the fake popcorn vendor taking a bump in the process. So Funk climbs the balcony and moonsaults Foley, luckily having a few “vendors” to help catch him on the way down. But then Mick piledrives him on the table and we take a break. Back with them fighting to the ramp and Mick hits the double arm DDT on the steel for two. Back in the ring, Mick puts the boots to him and then puts him right back out with the Cactus clothesline and onto the announce table. Austin, meanwhile, doesn’t care who wins and is just here for the cheap entertainment. Foley drops a Cactus elbow with the chair, and back in for two. Austin: “I’ve gotta apologize for my language, usually it’s a lot worse.” Foley with another double arm DDT, but that only gets two. Mick with the piledriver and that’s probably not enough, so he piledrives him again on a chair this time, and that finally finishes at 14:47. Damn, they took a bit to get going with all the Austin headset silliness overshadowing things, but this was a HELL of a brawl in the end. ****

Afterwards, Funk gets checked over by EMTs, lamenting how he got the shit beat out of him by his best friend.

Back to St. Louis in the early 70s, as Dory Funk Senior introduces a workout with Dory Jr and Terry from the empty arena as they work on takedowns. Terry gets too aggressive and tries a spinning toehold on his brother, so Dory Sr. steps in and puts Terry in his place.

Terry Funk v. Scott Hall

Back to 1989 in the NWA, from NWA Pro at a show in Amarillo where Terry is crazy over as a babyface. Funk tosses young Hall , so Scott beats on him with chops in the ring. Hall clotheslines him to the floor and they slug it out down there (down where?) and Funk goes all crazy and tears up the mats. The ref stops Funk from doing a piledriver for some crazy reason, and they head back in the ring, as Hall reverses a suplex for two. Hall with a bulldog for two and Funk bails to the floor. This kid needs a better finisher. So they fight on the floor and Hall tries a bulldog on the concrete, but Funk shoves him off and Hall takes a bump on his neck off that. And back in the ring, Funk finishes with the piledriver at 4:13. Well this was definitely a rarity. **1/2

From ECW, Terry talks about how Tommy Dreamer reminds him of Dory Sr., who never got to be World champion because he died of a heart attack in 1973. To be fair, Dory was in his 50s when he died so it’s not like he was going to be World champion at that point. But Terry still wants to be champion and he’s got one shot to beat Raven and live out his dad’s dream.

ECW World title: Raven v. Terry Funk

The main event of ECW Barely Legal, as Funk is coming off the three-way to qualify for this, although I still maintain that Stevie Richards should have been the guy because the bWo stuff was red hot at the time. Raven beats on Funk with a chair as Terry is busted open from the previous match, but the doctors can’t stop the match. Raven drags him out to the floor and drops a table on him, and then puts him through another table as the doctor is desperately trying to stop the match. But then Raven beats up the doctor too and Raven’s flunkies run in and beat on Funk some more while Big Dick Dudley returns from jail and lays out Tommy Dreamer on commentary. But Tommy sends Dick through a pile of tables, which leaves Raven all distracted, and Tommy heads down to DDT him, which gets two, and then Funk small packages Raven to win the title at 7:10. Not much to this one as a match. *1/2

Back at the Double Cross Ranch, Terry is confronted by some cowboys who accuse him of being a CATTLE THIEF, but Terry fights them off and calls them cowards before celebrating with beans.

Tully Blanchard v. Terry Funk

Ah yes, from Slamboree 94, as both guys were angling for a job and only Terry got one. They brawl on the floor right away and Tully suplexes him back in the ring. To the floor, where Terry gives him an atomic drop and then back in for a neckbreaker that gets two. Back out to the ramp this time and they slug it out there, where Tully bumps to the floor off a chop and then Terry tears up the ramp and beats on Tully with pieces of that. Back in the ring for a piledriver and then Funk takes him to the ramp for a DDT, and the ref has had enough of this tomfoolery and tells them to get back in the ring OR ELSE. You tell ‘em Nick. The crowd wants blood because they’re in Philly. Seems rather on the nose for them but whatever. Back in, Funk finally gives them the moonsault they’re been chanting for, but it misses and Tully gets two. They exchange shots in the corner, really laying it in, but the ref is bumped and Funk brings a chair into the ring and tries a very messy piledriver off the middle rope that was better left on paper. Finally they just slug it out and both hit the ref, so it’s a double DQ at 7:10. Funk is so frustrated that he steals Hat Guy’s hat and elbowdrops it on the floor. Damn that dude lost ALL his hair between 1985 and here. Good wild brawl. ***

And we finish with Terry Funk getting inducted into the Hall of Fame and quoting Teddy Roosevelt for real this time. And when he goes to Heaven, he’s going to have a battle royale that goes on forever and all the seats are front row ringside. Well damn Terry, I hope that’s the case and I hope the gate is impressive and Dennis Stamp gets booked.

And that’s the Terry Funk mixtape! Some really great stuff and a whole lotta stuff I’ve never seen before. I’m intrigued to see who they honor next with one of these.