The SmarK Rant for WWE Vault – 01.02.26

The SmarK Rant for WWE Vault – 01.02.26

Gotta get in the habit of typing “26” now. Yikes.

Yes, it’s back to the Vault again because they keep releasing crazy shit that I want to watch. So in this case, I’ll take a look of a couple of the little videos they’ve posted recently because I’m pretty damn sure someone is reading these and putting stuff on there for me.

First up, Behind the Scenes footage from the Golden Era!

https://youtu.be/KoMxx6oy4Gk?si=saCBZIq3OXxhat8d

Andre gets sprayed with water before his SNME promo. Jesse: “Andre needs more spritz!”

Mr. Perfect throws darts until he hits the bullseye, which is how they would pull off the vignettes. This one actually runs throughout the video as a running joke, with Perfect getting more annoyed each time it misses.

Dusty Rhodes does a backstage interview with Mean Gene before SNME, getting progressively wackier with every line until Mean Gene can take no more and cracks up. “Burn that one, we don’t want that one on Saturday Night’s Main Event!”

Off to TNT, with Hulk Hogan making breakfast for Hillbilly Jim, who wants eggs and grits and fatback, but Hulk gives him protein shakes, and then the director cuts.

More from Hulk and Hillbilly, as they work out in the ring and get blocking instructions from the director.

Footage from the famous wild west episode of Primetime! Wish we had more of that.

Andre the Giant drives a tractor for some reason, and then goes to buy a used car from a sleazy salesman. “Is that sleazy enough, Mr. Coppola? This is as excited as I get, I’m not getting paid for this.” I don’t know the context of Andre trying to buy a car but it literally writes itself. “I can’t even put my sandwich in there.” The payoff with Andre busted through the sunroof and complaining “It’s still too small” cracks up everyone on the set. Actually I’m guessing all the car buying was leading up to Andre finally just getting the tractor.

Perfect still can’t hit that damn bullseye yet.

Mean Gene cracks up Lord Alfred in various ways.

Next, it’s time for Mr. Perfect to bowl a strike without looking back, and that also doesn’t go quite according to plan. But he gets it eventually!

Over to Rick Rude, who is working out with help from Bobby Heenan, while cutting a promo on Ultimate Warrior. And we get various angles and cuts from the director to put the final thing together. Crazy how much work they’d put into the vignettes back in the day, including having Bobby spray him down with water so he looks consistently sweaty in each take.

Goddamn I’m starting to feel bad for poor Perfect with this stupid dartboard.

Moving onto golf, as he shoots a hole in one and Genius does a backflip to celebrate.

Mean Gene and Slick introduce us to AKEEM, although they have trouble getting it going and one of the dancers falls on her face. “This isn’t a rib, it’s a gimmick deal here.”

Horse care with Terry Funk and Jimm Hart! Jimmy accidentally brushes the horse the correct way and Terry stops it because they need him to screw up and brush it “bass ackwards”.

Mean Gene meets the Bushwhackers, who come in cursing and get shut down by Gene. Also they enjoy a nice meal of spaghetti and my brain is broken by them talking like normal human beings after the cut.

And poor Perfect still can’t hit that stupid bullseye. Hopefully he finally hit it when he got to wrestling heaven.

I mean, this was an incredible 30 minutes of footage, what more can you say?

Next up, let’s check on some Andre footage from the vault.

https://youtu.be/jvakIWf4zAw?si=QDqMECRU3vp0mVng

Andre arrives at the arena and faces Crusher Blackwell in the AWA, slamming him to claim $5000 for himself.

In France, Andre hangs out backstage with Dusty Rhodes and does an interview while Dusty tries to speak French.

Andre puts away a masked jobber on Championship Wrestling and then goes to sign autographs, but the guy attacks him while he’s taking care of business, so Andre hiptosses him away and rips off the mask in the process. That’s a great gag.

From a WWF tour of France, Andre and Frenchy Martin do a promo at the Arc de Triumph and Andre poses for photos with fans. Then Harley Race claims to own Napolean’s tomb and Andre corrects him and claims it’s HIS house, even though it was built for a “little midget” and he can barely fit in the door.

From Georgia, Andre teams with Wrestling 2 and splashes some geek and pins him.

Wrestlemania 3 press conference with Andre and Hulk! Andre explains that Bobby Heenan was the only guy to show up when he was suspended, so that’s why Bobby is his manager now.

Craig DeGeorge interviews fans in the stands leading up to Wrestlemania, asking who’s gonna win, and most of them seem to think Andre is the clear winner. And Hulk is gonna retire and go make movies! If only we were so lucky.

Back to the AWA, with Hulk facing Andre and slamming him, only for Andre to splash him and get the pin.

Andre does FEATS OF STRENGTH in what looks like Florida, breaking a steel bar and then lifting a 2000 pound weight, which is you is authentic because it says “2000 Pounds” on it in white letters. You’re not allowed to just write that. It’s like when your family gets you a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug and they have to provide proof before purchasing it, legally speaking.

More from Florida, with Andre facing various heels and taking some pretty athletic bumps.

Back in Georgia, Andre beats a pair of geeks in a handicap match and does an interview with Gordon Solie.

To World Class, where Andre eliminates himself from a battle royale by chasing after Michael Hayes. And then we get an interview with Iceman, who introduces Andre as his tag team partner, which Andre pledging just to stand in the corner and let Parsons take care of Akbar’s guys by himself.

From a WWF taping in Phoenix in 1990, Giant Baba makes an appearance and meets Andre for a photo op that is interrupted by heel Demolition.

From Mid-South, Bill Watts interviews Andre while wearing his coat, and Andre clarifies that he lost 65 pounds and now he only weighs 485. I thought he was looked thinner! Andre talks about how some of his favorite hotels keep special beds just for him, and how Lee Majors wants him to do more episodes of the Fall Guy.

And finally, from MSG in 1985, Andre and new manager Lou Albano face King Kong Bundy in the COLOSSAL JOSTLE, with Big John Studd doing a run-in for the DQ finish. And an enraged Andre escapes an attack and breaks a steel chair while taking a swing at them.

Some fun stuff today! And yeah, I’ve still got the Story of the Megapowers, Roddy Piper Mixtape, and WCCW Christmas Star Wars to go.