The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 10.24.02

The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 10.24.02

I’m a couple of days late with this one because it took me that long to find it on the Network page.

Taped from Memphis, TN

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Tazz

Matt Hardy v. Rikishi

Today’s Matt Facts: Mattitude is practiced in over 100 countries, and Matt’s bed time is 4AM. Rikishi slugs away on Matt to start and puts him down with a clothesline, but Matt necks him on the top rope for two. Rikishi immediately makes the comeback with the samoan drop and corner splash, but Matt goes low to counter the Stinkface. So Rikishi escapes the Twist of Fate and hits the Rikishi Driver for the pin at 3:30. “Mattitude has been DELETED” notes Michael Cole. Well that was an interesting choice of words. This was basically a squash for Rikishi as he sold nothing for the super-hot Matt Hardy and beat him clean with his finish. ½*. But then Big Show arrives from RAW and chokeslams Rikishi, challenging Brock Lesnar. They note that someone got traded to RAW in exchange for Show but don’t reveal who, and I’m assuming that D-Von was the eventual answer to that question.

Stephanie McMahon joins us with a big trophy for Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle in honor of winning the tag team titles at the PPV. But of course the champions immediately bicker over who gets to keep the trophy, and they have a tug or war that ends with Stephanie getting knocked down. So she slaps both of them and berates them for wrecking the trophy, and then punishes them by putting them in a match for the “stupid broken trophy”. Fine by me. Stephanie is once again SO SO SO bad at being any kind of sympathetic babyface character.

Cruiserweight title: Jamie Noble v. Tajiri

Noble dresses like Elvis because they’re in Memphis, and of course master of the obvious Michael Cole explains the joke that they’re in Memphis and he’s dressed like Elvis in case we didn’t get it. So Noble promises the best Elvis impression ever and then does his regular voice, and I laughed. Tajiri attacks with kicks and then stops to show his own moves, although really it’s 2002 and Memphis has other things going on besides Elvis by that point, I’m pretty sure. Noble escapes the Tarantula with help from Nidia, and Tajiri goes after her but kicks the post by mistake. Noble goes to work on the leg, but Tajiri rolls him up for two. So Noble stops to bow in respect, but Tajiri kicks him in the head and faceplants him. Nidia interferes again and Tajiri gets a rollup for two, but Noble gets his own rollup and Nidia helps him get the pin at 3:54 to retain. Basically the same match and finish as the PPV as this Noble storyline has run out of juice. *1/2

Meanwhile, Dawn Marie finds Torrie Wilson backstage and promises to break things off with Al the next time she sees him.

Edge & Rey Mysterio v. Los Guerreros

It’s a #1 contenders match for the tag titles, and the Guerreros try to mess with Kurt Angle backstage beforehand just in case. Edge takes Chavo down with armdrags to start and Eddie gets knocked off the apron, allowing Rey to give Chavo a broncobuster. Guerreros double-team him in their corner, but he fights them off and Edge even gets into the act with a flying headscissors on Eddie. They fight to the floor and Chavo sends Edge into the stairs to get rid of him, and Eddie goes to work on Rey in the ring. Chavo with a clothesline for two and Eddie puts the boots to Rey and follows with a backbreaker for two. Eddie works the ribs and hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker to follow, but Rey dropkicks him into the corner and it’s hot tag Edge. Double flapjack on the Guerreros gets two. Rey with the 619, but Eddie trips him up and pulls him to the floor while Edge spears Chavo for two. 619 on Chavo for the second time and they hit a combo senton/powerbomb, but Eddie saves and puts Chavo on top. But then Rey hits Chavo with a legdrop behind the ref’s back and puts Edge on top, making them the #1 contenders at 7:30. Good but kind of short. ***1/4

Undertaker joins us after his setback at the PPV, and he calls out Brock Lesnar again. This time he points out that although he had a broken hand, it’s no excuse for losing, and he puts Brock over as the real World champion and wishes him well. And then he carries on, teasing a retirement speech, but Big Show interrupts that and accuses Taker of being a broken-down has been. Well if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle a broken down has been. So they slowly go up the ramp while awkwardly trying to avoid each other, and Show seemingly leaves to allow Taker to pose for the fans, but then SHOCKINGLY returns and slams him off the stage to write Taker off TV for a good long while. Too much Big Show already. And then they spend FOREVER getting Taker out of there, trying to put him on a stretcher, but he insists of walking away on his own while Stephanie yells at the trained medical professionals to put a neck collar on him. This KILLED the crowd and they never recovered from it for the rest of the show.

Meanwhile, after that drawn out heavy heat angle, Dawn Marie finds Al Wilson backstage and breaks up with him. “Out of the very, very few men I’ve been with, you’re the most passionate man I’ve experienced.” And then Al gives her a passionate kiss, so I guess the breakup didn’t take.

Billy Kidman v. John Cena

Kidman gets a rollup for two right away and an enzuigiri for two. Cena bails to the floor and catches Kidman on a dive attempt, running him into the post to take over. Cena runs him into the corner and has an EVIL SNEER on his face so you know he’s a heel, and a spinebuster gets two. Man he’s so generic here. He really was like a CAW default character in a video game. Kidman fights back with a middle rope elbow for two. Rana gets the pin, as Kidman grabs the ropes for leverage to get revenge for last week, at 2:40. This was a dull and heatless match. *. And then Cena beats on him afterwards and runs him into the stairs.

Meanwhile, Brock answers the challenge of Big Show, and Brock gets a funny line when he wonders where Funaki is.

Meanwhile, The Guerreros stop by Chris Benoit’s dressing room and they just want to show him some respect because they’re got his back.

Meanwhile, Big Show finds Brock’s dressing room, and Paul Heyman begs him not to challenge his client.

Chris Benoit v. Kurt Angle

They trade takedowns to start and Angle beats him down in the corner and chokes him out. Suplex gets two. Angle with a backdrop, but Benoit gets his own and then starts throwing suplexes. So then Angle gets his own german suplexes for two, and then Benoit drops him on his head with a german. Benoit to the top with a diving headbutt that’s literally ¾ of the way across the ring, and that gets two. So Benoit crossfaces him instead and then uses his foot to push the ropes away, before rolling him back to the middle. Angle grabs the anklelock to escape, but Benoit cradles for two. Angle Slam gets two. Back to the anklelock, but Benoit does a slick as hell reversal to the crossface and they both roll out of that. Benoit to the top again, but Angle counters with the pop up superplex for two. So this brings the Guerreros out, and Chavo hits Angle with the tag title and puts Benoit on top for the pin at 8:03. This was apparently heavily edited down from the live version but it was still a great TV match. ***1/2.

Pretty dull show unless you’re a huge fan of the Big Show but a couple of really good matches makes it worthwhile.

Next week: A random Halloween party changes the business forever. Now there’s a sentence you don’t type every day.