The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 10.17.02

The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 10.17.02

Live from Toronto, ON

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Tazz

WWE tag team title tournament, semi-final: Edge & Rey Mysterio v. Reverend D-Von & Ron Simmons

Simmons beats on Edge in the corner to start, but Edge puts him down with a missile dropkick and flapjacks D-Von. Over to Rey with a springboard senton and he runs wild on the heels but misses the 619 and walks into a spinebuster from Simmons. D-Von with a press slam on Rey, but he misses an elbow and it’s hot tag Edge. He’s a house of fire and Rey gets rid of Simmons with a dive, and then Edge alley-oops Rey onto D-Von for a top rope rana that gets two. That was a great double-team spot. Rey with the 619 on D-Von, but Simmons cuts off the pin, so Edge spears him. Edge with the impaler on D-Von and that finishes and sends them to the finals at 4:35. A very short and simple match with Rey getting some heat and then doing the hot tag. **. Afterwards, the Guerreros hit the ring and Eddie lays out Edge with a frog splash, since they’re apparently assuming they’re going to win the semi-final match later tonight.

Meanwhile, Funaki interviews Tajiri in the backstage promo we’ve all been waiting for, and Tajiri’s refereeing the match between Noble and Nidia later tonight and thinks they’re both crazy.

Jamie Noble v. Nidia

“Come on out here girl, it’s time to get naked and wrestle!” notes Noble. Nidia immediately kicks Noble in the nuts behind Tajiri’s back and beats him down before trying a sleeper, but Noble slams out of it and tries to talk some sense into her. Yup, nothing like telling an enraged woman to calm down if you want to defuse the situation. 10/10, no notes. Noble tries sitting on her chest and Nidia rolls him up and then rakes him in the eyes as Noble doesn’t want to fight back. Finally he picks her up and tries to carry her out, but she cradles out of it and he sits down on her for the pin at 2:00. So then Tajiri tries to help her up and Nidia gets offended and smacks him, and that’s what reunites the lovers as they double-team Tajiri. So apparently the issues from last week have now been worked out.

Meanwhile, Undertaker talks about the hell of the past week after getting accused of cheating on Sara.

Meanwhile, Los Guerreros run into Chris Benoit in the dressing room and Eddie has a tour de force performance as he confesses to jumping Benoit last week while Chris just stands there silently letting him dig his own grave. I can’t even do this one justice, Eddie was incredible here as a one man show. “Shame on you, Chris Benoit! He’s like a brother to you!”

John Cena v. Billy Kidman

Cena does a heel promo on Kidman before the match, blaming him for taking the pin last week. Kidman gets a rana and goes for a rollup, but Cena blocks it and slingshots him over the top rope. Back in, that gets two. Cena works the back and puts him down with a back elbow for two and a back suplex for two. Cena with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it CM Punk’s WWE return, and that gets two. Cena with a surfboard as we get the historic first “Cena Sucks” chant, showing that Canada was ahead of the curve again. Cena with a DDT for two. Kidman with a sunset flip for two and he goes up. Cena tries to slam him off, but Kidman sort of reverses to a facebuster on the way down and that was some amateur hour stuff. And then Cena wins with a rope assisted backslide at 5:44. Tazz actually calls Cena “the wacky rollup guy” in a fourth wall break as well. They had NO chemistry together and this Cena heel turn feels like a loser. They should probably just cut him loose, although maybe they can be nice and let him be on the Halloween show first. *1/2

Meanwhile, Brock and Heyman bitch at Stephanie about Undertaker’s cast, and Steph throws Tracy out of the building, never to be mentioned again.

Meanwhile, Undertaker bitches at Stephanie and admits that he had a relationship with this Tracy chick but it was years ago and it’s over now. But I thought he never met her before? So Stephanie points out that he’s been using the cast as a weapon and Brock has a right to be upset about that, and Undertaker reacts totally reasonably by using the cast to smash a table lamp. This feud isn’t exactly making him look like a heroic babyface.

Brock Lesnar v. Chuck Palumbo

Michael Cole reveals that Billy Gunn suffered a serious injury at a house show this week, which marks the official end of Billy & Chuck. Palumbo tries attacking and Brock lays him out and runs him into the post and then puts the boots to him in the corner. Brock with a pair of short clotheslines as Chuck is bleeding from the mouth, and a suplex gets two. Overhead suplex and Brock goes to a bearhug on the mat. Chuck fights back with superkicks that get two, but Brock has had enough of this geek and suplexes him again before hitting a backbreaker and F5 to finish at 6:20. Total squash for Brock that dragged on too long, but better than you’d expect. **. Afterwards, Undertaker hits the ring and hits a bunch of referees with the cast before busting Brock open as well.

Meanwhile, Al Wilson brings flowers for his daughter in advance of her match tonight. Torrie concerned that he’s letting his loneliness lead him down a bad road with Dawn Marie.

Dawn Marie & Matt Hardy v. Rikishi & Torrie Wilson

And it’s the debut of MATT FACTS with the web browser entrance! The first Matt Fact: He’s beaten the Undertaker 2 straight times. Dawn tries to go after Rikishi to start and gets nowhere with that, and Torrie puts her down with a neckbreaker for two. Torrie slams her and it’s back to Rikishi, but Dawn escapes a butt splash and it’s over to Matt. Matt takes him down with a Side Effect for two, but misses the legdrop. Rikishi with a superkick and Dawn jumps on his back to stop him, but Dawn and Matt get squished in the corner to set up a double Stinkface. Matt, amazing heel, shoves Dawn’s face into the ass in order to protect himself. And then Torrie cradles Dawn with a small package, but Matt rolls him over to put Dawn on top at 4:00. But then of course Matt gets put in the corner by Rikishi and Torrie wants to give him a Stinkface, which Matt is delighted to take. And when he closes his eyes, Rikishi does it instead. Always with the bait and switch. Another nothing of a match in a series of them tonight. DUD

Meanwhile, Brock gets the blood cleaned up after Undertaker’s attack, and then Heyman storms into Stephanie’s office to point out the literal blood on his jacket. Stephanie will announce her decision later.

Meanwhile, Torrie learns that the flowers brought by her dad weren’t for her, they were for Dawn Marie. So she storms off to the dressing room and finds Al in the shower with a naked Dawn. Thankfully he’s still fully clothed. Some very clever camera angles there.

WWE tag team title tournament, semi-finals: Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit v. Los Guerreros

But first, Edge and Rey attack the Guerreros on the floor in return for earlier in the night, and then brawl with Angle & Benoit as well as we take a break before the start of the match. Back with the match joined in progress, as Eddie beats Angle down in the corner. Kurt fires back and puts him down for two, and a snap suplex gets two. Over to Benoit, who puts Eddie down with a back elbow for two and a backbreaker for two. Over to Chavo, who gets a short clothesline on Angle for two. Angle hits him with an overhead suplex and Benoit follows with a backdrop suplex on Chavo for two. Chavo fights back with his own and goes to a chinlock, but Eddie comes in and Benoit quickly takes him down and crossfaces him before Chavo saves. Chavo gets into a chop battle with Benoit and goes to another chinlock, but Benoit chops the shit out of him to escape before walking into a dropkick. Eddie comes in with the slingshot senton, but Benoit fights back and makes the hot tag to Angle. He throws the Guerreros around with suplexes and gets two on Eddie. Benoit adds his own suplexes on the Guerreros and goes up with the diving headbutt on Eddie, and Angle gets two off that. Chavo hits Angle with a brainbuster and Eddie gets two off that. Frog splash gets two as Benoit saves and crossfaces Eddie, but Chavo breaks that up. So Benoit tosses Chavo to the floor and the ref is bumped, leaving Eddie to put Angle in the Lasso From El Paso with no official present. So Angle reverses him into the anklelock and there’s still no ref as Eddie taps. Chavo tries to save with a chair, but Benoit steals it and teases hitting Angle with it, before laying out both Guerreros instead. Angle slam on Eddie finishes at 10:44 to send Angle & Benoit to the finals. And Angle is into it! This was of course a great TV match although kind of lacking on the Smackdown Six grading curve. Things would get more insane after the tournament finals. ***1/2.

Unfortunately that’s not where they end the show, as we still have to hear from Stephanie.

Stephanie McMahon joins us to finish things off, as Michael hypes that she has to “make the most important decision of her GM career” when she announces if someone can wear a cast in a no-DQ cage match. And the decision will “alter the future of Smackdown and World Wrestling Entertainment” as well. So not to stretch out the excitement further, but Undertaker will be allowed to wear the cast. So Brock has words for Stephanie about that, but Taker comes out to save and Brock stomps on the broken arm to lay him out. And then Heyman decides to put the boots to Taker himself, so Taker takes him down and busts him open with the cast. At least that was better as a build than the nonsense with “Tracy” was.

This was better than the previous week although still too much talking backstage.

Next up: A redo of WWE No Mercy 2002!