The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 05.11.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 05.11.91

Originally written 03.04.26

Taped from Gainesville, GA on 04.30.91

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Gordon Solie

ONE WEEK AWAY from Superbrawl! Will we figure out what’s going in with the main event storyline before then? Spoiler: NO. Can we go two weeks in a row on this show with a Freebirds match? To be determined.

The Steiner Brothers v. Pat Powers & Kevin Katlyn

So what’s the concensus naming convention for the Steiners? Here the graphic is “The Steiners” but they’re announced as “The Steiner Brothers” and PWI usually called them “Rick & Scott Steiner”. I prefer the “Brothers” version obviously. Scott just hurls Katlyn around the ring with suplexes and it’s over to Powers and his PN News gear. Scott with a tilt a whirl slam and they follow with the elevated bulldog to finish quickly at 1:25.

Sting & Lex Luger join Tony to comment on the Steiners squash, and Sting is mighty impressed with what he saw, but he thinks they’ve got a good shot. Also he knows Rick from traveling the roads with him.

Dustin Rhodes v. Bob Cook

Holy shit it’s JR’s favorite wrestler! Where’s Jim to call this one? Dustin works a headlock and dropkicks him to set up the dreaded Japanese armdrag and he works the arm while Alexandra York appears at ringside to take notes. I THINK SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE A CRUSH! I’m shipping them as we speak. Is that what the kids say these days? Cook comes back with his DEADLY LEFT HANDS but Tony just ignores it and Dustin quickly finishes him with the bulldog at 2:24. He didn’t even wave his finger in the arm before he did it! What kind of bullshit disrespect to a legend is that?

Ric Flair v. Rick Ryder

Good jobber name. Flair is still lacking his theme music at this point, which is probably just Jim Herd fucking with him and trying to make him miserable. Flair with chops in the corner and he tosses Ryder to the floor, which is apparently a DQ at 0:45. And then Flair continues beating on him after the bell and puts him in the figure-four for good measure. Man I hope that Fujinami guy teaches him a lesson at Superbrawl! Brian Pillman makes the save, playing the part of Fujinami this week because he had been to Japan a few times and was close enough for WCW I guess. And bails and runs away from the beating and I’m just gonna take a guess and say this went nowhere.

SUPERBRAWL CONTROL CENTER! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

Newly added is a DDP interview segment with Sting & Lex Luger, and then we cut to a promo with DDP, who says it’s going to be an interview segment with Sid Vicious. If WCW hadn’t existed you’d have to hire a homeless maniac to dream them up and will them into existence after a night of drug binges and you’d look at what he made and say “There’s no fucking way a company this stupid could have survived their first year” and send him back to the street again to live under a bridge somewhere. Also, because it’s WCW, DDP actually interviewed none of the above at Superbrawl, and in fact introduced someone else as his new protégé instead.

PN News v. Terry Bronson

Oh my god I spoke his name and he appeared. We get the extended rap before the match and news hits Terry with a belly to belly and then goes up with the RAPMASTER SPLASH to finish at 0:30, even calling for his music to start before hitting the move. That’s a little braggadocios for a music genre that’s usually more demure.

Meanwhile, Barry Windham and Brian Pillman cut a split screen promo on each other while wearing giant podcast headphones. Wanna take bets that they were literally standing in the same room and they just put the different backgrounds in via post?

Terrence Taylor & Arn Anderson v. Big Josh & Tommy Rich

We’re on the verge of hitting peak 1991 WCW at this point. Like seriously go back 6 or 7 years and put this in Atlanta and you’ve got a banger. Rich puts Taylor down with shoulderblocks and then the babyfaces double-team Arn in the corner. But Rich misses a charge on the rooster and gets winged with a right hand, allowing AA to come in and put the boots to Rich. Rich gets the Thesz Press on Arn for two while Tony puts over Superbrawl as “premier matches you can only see on PPV” which is HILARIOUS considering some of the crap on that show. Josh accidentally distracts the ref and Arn DDTs Rich on the computer for the pin at 4:50. This was a big disappointment. *1/2

Nikita Koloff v. Larry Santo

Santo pounds on Koloff in the corner to start and that gets him nowhere, as Koloff puts him down with a back elbow and follows with a slam. Koloff tosses him out of the ring a couple of times, thankfully making sure to not to go over the top rope like Flair did, and back in for a limp Sickle to finish at 1:30. And he drops elbows on Santo for good measure before joining Tony for an interview about Superbrawl. Koloff has to say Tommy is in “the best condition he’s ever seen” with a straight face, and he actually pulls it off. I mean, flabby and middle-aged is a KIND of shape, I guess. Also he promises to keep an eye on Luger during the tag title match in case he needs to have a word.

El Gigante v. Tony Mella

Gigante puts him down with a clothesline and then finishes with THEE CLAW at 0:25. This brings out The Angel of Death for an attack, as I had no idea he was still under contract at this point, and then One Man Gang also attacks, setting up a 3-on-1 beatdown until Ron Simmons saves. You’ll note that this is the go-home show for Superbrawl and the match is supposed to be Gigante v. SID, not One Man Gang, so this made very little sense. Because WCW.

On the bright side, we DO have some very very very big debuts coming up right away and you can’t say the upcoming couple of months are boring, at the very least.