The SmarK Rant for WCW New Blood Rising 2000 – 08.13.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW New Blood Rising – 08.13.00

How I felt after seeing the results of the poll last night:

Live from Vancouver, BC, with conflicting information on the attendance. Somewhere between 5000 and 7000 from what I can find. According to the Observer, they literally couldn’t give tickets away for this show, with a few thousand freebies distributed and only about 1000 of them bothering to show up.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden and Scott Hudson.

So to recap, Eric Bischoff was sent home the week before and is now a “consultant” with no more power, leaving Vince Russo 100% in charge of whatever is going down. This show was named “New Blood Rising” to capitalize on a storyline that was already dropped cold months beforehand, and in some spectacular branding failure, uses a font and logo style that’s completely different from anything WCW has used before.

Ladder match: Three Count v. The Jung Dragons

The stip here is that they’re trying to retrieve Three Count’s gold record from one hook, and Three Count’s recording contract from another hook, with the gag being that Jung Dragons can prevent them from recording again by getting the contract. They all sprint for the ladders at the entrance and into the ring, where Yang puts a ladder in the corner and ends up backdropping Shannon into that. Somebody has a big “All Hail Canadian Violence” sign on the camera side and I have to think that was for me? If so, THANKS! Three Count recovers with a triple team powerbomb on Jamie and then the Dragons get piled on a ladder in the corner and splashed by Shannon. That was goofy as fuck but at least they’re not killing each other. Yet. Big mess of spots and Yang tries to climb, but Shannon pushes him over, setting up Jamie doing a dive off the top of the ladder and onto the pile outside. We get double ladders in the ring and the guys take bumps off those in various terrifying ways while Tank just stands there on the apron pretending to be involved. Tank had a strange charisma in this role but it was such a colossal waste of someone who was being groomed to be a Goldberg opponent just a few months earlier. More car crash spots as Shannon dives onto Yang outside and smashes the ladder into poor Jamie on the way down. Jamie and Kaz double-splash them and Jamie gets the gold record, but Tank steals it back to negate whatever the point was. Poor Shane gets sandwiched in another ladder and legdropped by Jamie. More car wrecks as the ladder gets set up again and Tank parades the gold record around and then pushes over the ladders of both Evan and Kaz for some reason, but Evan climbs up again and wins the record contract back at 11:35. I don’t even understand the stipulations there. I don’t want to bust on them too much because they worked really hard and took crazy bumps but man this wasn’t particularly good. I was barely able to follow what was going on most of the time due to lousy direction and the announcers yelling over each other, which again, not the fault of the wrestlers involved. But ultimately it was just a bunch of guys jumping off ladders and made no sense as a match for the most part. *** for the flippy stuff and bumps.

Meanwhile, the Filthy Animals annoy the Cat and want to get involved in the tag team title match tonight in exchange for helping him win his match tonight.

The Great Muta v. The Cat

Where did this even come from? I’ve literally watched all the Nitros leading up to this show and there was no hint that Cat and Muta were even having a match. Cat attacks to start and slugs away in the corner before dropping an elbow. Muta fires back with the power elbow while Hudson talks about some storyline with Muta and the Dark Carnival teaming up with the Cat and then turning on him at some point to set this up. I’m assuming that must have been on the Thunder before this show because that’s literally the first I’ve heard about it. They trade kicks and Muta goes after the leg, and now Tigress joins us as they “fight” to the floor and they’re barely even making contact on the kicks and strikes. We already knew Muta was phoning it in but I was thinking Cat was better than that by this point. Back in the ring and Cat dances to set up the big kick, but Muta takes him down with the dragon screw and puts him in a leglock. Cat makes the ropes while Madden makes fun of Hudson’s efforts to put Muta over. Muta misses the moonsault and then sprays Cat with the green mist, which somehow wasn’t a DQ, and Tigress hits Muta with a chair for two. That was the Animals’ big plan? Hit him with a chair? Cat comes back with more kicks and finishes with the Feliner at 6:47. This was awful and actually really embarrassing for Muta. ¼*. I don’t blame him for shaving his head and changing his entire look after this run.

Judy Bagwell on a Pole: Buff Bagwell v. Kanyon

To be clear, she’s not on a pole, she’s on a forklift, so it’s more of a metaphorical pole. Buff wins a quick brawl in the crowd and into the ring for a neckbreaker before slugging away in the corner. Kanyon brings him down with a legsweep for two and follows with a suplex before removing a turnbuckle pad in the corner. Kanyon with a powerbomb for two and he goes to a cobra hold and they lay around for a bit off that while the crowd gets restless. Kanyon with a neckbreaker for two. Buff drops him on the exposed buckle for two, and I guess that’s the big payoff for that. Kanyon Kutter gets two. So then DDP’s music hits and David Arquette runs in to help Kanyon, hitting Buff with a hard hat for two. So Buff takes them both out with a double Blockbuster and pins Kanyon at 6:47. Why would you even bring up David Arquette again so soon after it already destroyed the credibility of the World title? They haven’t even finished recovering from it and they’re already dragging it up again like it’s something a previous regime did. This was an OK TV match but the Judy stuff didn’t figure into it at all. *1/2

Meanwhile, Lance Storm arrives in a limo and Tony informs us that Goldberg was injured in a motorcycle accident in Sturgis and might not be here tonight.

WCW World tag team title: Kronik v. General Rection & Corporal Cajun v. Mark Jindrak & Sean O’Haire v. Chuck Palumbo & Shawn Stasiak

The Filthy Animals are the special referees for the match, because the match is so big that it needs four referees apparently. Konnan joins us on commentary and he does not give a single fuck here. Much like the crowd, who barely even gets through Disco doing a promo before checking out for good. Chuck slugs away on Adams to start while Konnan just buries literally everyone in the ring. Chuck gets thrown out and the Animals all attack him. Jindrak puts the boots to Lash and then they double-team Clark and O’Haire spinkicks Clark for two. Clark with a sideslam on O’Haire for a slow two as now we’re also doing a heel ref gimmick with Disco, on top of all the other shit going on here to keep track of. Rection gets worked over in the heel corner and Tigress comes in with a broncobuster, but Rey gets kicked in the nuts and then Rection hits Stasiak in the nuts as well. Lash comes in with his goofy shit on Stasiak and Disco won’t count for anyone. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Everyone puts the boots to Rection as Kronik, who can lose the tag team titles when anyone gets pinned, seem wholly unconcerned about anything going on here. Palumbo with a sleeper on Rection and Stasiak gets a back elbow as Konnan suddenly switches to putting everyone over instead of burying them. That’s honestly worse because it comes off as so insincere on his part. More nonsensical shit as Clark gets double-teamed by O’Haire and Jindrak while everyone else runs around pointlessly, but somehow Palumbo is left alone with Kronik and he gets double-teamed. But now Muta and Vampiro run in because there wasn’t enough going on yet, and Palumbo gets a rollup on Clark for two but the announcers can’t even figure out who Disco is trying to screw over at this point. I know, right? The Animals desperately wanted to be involved in the match but don’t appear to actually want anyone to win. Clark with the Meltdown on Chuck, but Disco won’t count him either. So they do the double chokeslam, and now Chavo runs in and steals the ref’s shirt from Disco, counting the pin at 12:29. I have no idea what the match was supposed to accomplish or more importantly, who the Filthy Animals actually wanted to win the match. And why would Chavo interfere to count the pin for KRONIK? Wouldn’t he want his own team to win? This was just a mess from start to finish and killed off the crowd for good. DUD. And it takes a lot to make BC turn on a couple of guys who are all about smoking weed.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett has been looking for Booker T all day, but he hasn’t showed up yet.

Strap match: Shane Douglas v. Billy Kidman

So the announcers start talking up the three-way match coming later, saying it’s “about doing what’s right for WCW” as opposed to doing what’s right for one of the competitors. What? What does that even mean? This is standard pinfall rules and not the four corners, by the way. Douglas stomps him down, but Kidman crotches him with the strap and takes him to the floor for a fight out there. Scott Hudson is doing a weird run where he keeps insinuating that Torrie Wilson is getting fatter, which I don’t understand at all. Torrie takes the ref and Shane goes low with the strap to take over while the crowd dozes. Man that Hulk Hogan feud sure did wonders for Kidman’s career, didn’t it? Douglas chokes him out on the ropes and works on the arm here in this violent strap match between two guys who hate each other because of a beef with a sex tape of an ex-girlfriend. Kidman makes a comeback and hits a rana out of the corner and a powerbomb for two, just doing his normal comeback here in this normal match. They hate each other so much that they’re doing spots and trading near-falls. Torrie accidentally hits Shane with her shoe and that gets two for Kidman. Shane drops him on the top rope for two. Kidman cradles for two and Torrie comes in and just pushes them over, which gets two. But then Kidman finishes with a Killswitch at 8:40. So afterwards Douglas tries to hang Kidman, but Big Vito makes the save for some reason. And then Reno attacks him. “Remember the eye contact these two men had on Thunder!” notes Tony. I can assure you that I do not remember that. ½*

Meanwhile, Booker T finally shows up in the parking lot, but Jeff Jarrett attacks him and slams the car door on his knee, potentially ending his career and jeopardizing the World title match.

And then we just go right to…

Mudput match: Miss Hancock v. Major Gunns

The selling point of this match is supposed to be seeing one of them go into the mud, but we already saw that on Nitro. Also you can’t go any further into the mud than this promotion at this point. They roll around and Hancock gets a handspring, but Gunns hits a Hennig necksnap and gets a jackknife cradle for two. Stacy tears off the t-shirt, but Gunns gets a carpet muncher and tears off the shorts. I don’t 100% understand the stipulations here, as they’re going for near-falls and tearing off articles of clothing, but apparently you need to be involved with the mudpit somehow to win. They do more terrible attempts at spots and Stacy misses a bodypress and lands on the floor eventually. So Hancock runs her into the post and they head over to the mudpit, where Gunns pulls her into it. But then Hancock is dancing and suddenly has a cramp, allowing Gunns to pin her in the mud at 6:50. Oh lord, this shit. So David Flair runs out and yells for an ambulance as the announcers do the “this is not part of the script” voices. Yeah, it’s the pregnancy thing. Good thing they’re in Canada and not Texas. And then it’s TO THE BACK. I mean, it mostly delivered what people wanted out of it, I guess. -**

Meanwhile, Vampiro tells the Demon to deliver OR ELSE.

Meanwhile, Miss Hancock gets wheeled out on the stretcher, covered in mud, while Tony DOXES her and reveals that her name is actually Stacy Keibler. I should note that the entirety of the angle is based on Stacy just kind of grabbing her stomach and nothing else. Like, Vince Russo has children and lives with a woman, right? He’s aware that women can just have cramps without secretly being pregnant and having a miscarriage?

Sting v. The Demon

They do a quick brawl and Sting pins him with the Death Drop at 1:00. So the Dark Carnies attack Sting, and Kronik makes the save. And then Kronik challenges Vampiro and Muta to a tag team title match later tonight because reasons.

Meanwhile, Booker T is in horrible pain from his knee. I mean, not in “miscarriage caused by a mudpit match” pain, but pretty horrible still.

Really this speaks to the main problem with the show so far, the tonal whiplash. We just jump from one segment to the next with no thought to what goes in what spot and what the timing is supposed to be. They promote a mudpit clothes-ripping comedy match between the women, and then they try to do an actual match for a few minutes for some reason, and then they suddenly shift to “Stacy is losing her baby” as the finish. However, we hadn’t even gotten to the plot point where she was pregnant! And that’s apparently “not part of the script”, but we then go to the back for an attack on Booker T, which I guess WAS part of the script so it’s OK? So they’re both seriously injured but Booker is seriously injured in a way that was booked as a part of the show and thus is better? I don’t even know how to explain the mindset behind the show to someone who wasn’t living through it at the time.

US title: Lance Storm v. Mike Awesome

So finally they have something to wake up the crowd and can’t possibly fuck this up, right? Lance Storm is the huge patriotic babyface and they just have to have a good match and let him get over. Easy, right? So Lance invokes Rule 32B of the Canadian rules and appoints a special referee for the match, which brings out BRET HART JACQUES ROUGEAU! And with that we’ve lost the crowd before the match even starts. Bret Hart was heavily rumored to be in that spot, and was literally in the building, but they SWERVED us. So yay, good for them, I guess. Really owned the libs or whatever the 2000 wrestling equivalent was. Awesome quickly attacks and slams Lance into a legdrop for two. Lance fires back with a superkick and runs him into the post before hitting him with chops in the corner. Mike clotheslines him to the floor and they brawl out there, as Awesome sets up a table but can’t use it. Back in the ring, Awesome throws him around with a suplex and leaps up to the top, but he slips on the top and falls down, before recovering with a clothesline. At least that’s the best way to handle it. He goes for the Awesome Bomb, but Storm reverses to the half crab, and Awesome turns that into a slam for the pin and the title at 5:00. BUT WAIT! Jacques declares that it has to be a five count instead. So the match continues with Awesome getting a cradle for three, and then finishing with the dragon sleeper at 6:00. But according to Canadian rules, submissions don’t count, so the match continues. So Storm gets a pair of rollups for two or three or whatever, and Awesome suplexes him and follows with a shoulderblock for four. But not five. And then Awesome goes up with a frog splash, for a five cont this time at 8:00, but again that goes against Canadian rules, which state that Storm now has a 10 count to answer the bell. Which he does. This could have been fun but the dynamic is ALL wrong. Awesome brings the table into the ring, but Storm hits him with a chair and that gets four. Storm goes up and Awesome brings him down with a suplex through the table and they’re both down, so the first man up wins the title. What? They didn’t even do a 10 count first. So Jacques comes in, slugs Awesome down, and Storm is up first for the win at 11:27. This was just tiresome. DUD. And then Bret Hart finally comes out for no particular reason, looking like he was embarrassed to even be out there, and hugs the heels to apparently put Storm over. Yeah after he did like 4 clean jobs to Awesome in the same match already.

Meanwhile, Kevin Nash informs us that Goldberg isn’t here tonight, and since he’s all about money and the belt, he’s “going over Steiner tonight” and getting the title shot.

Impromptu WCW tag team title match: Kronik v. Great Muta & Vampiro

Yes, we get TWO Kronik matches and TWO balding Great Muta matches on the same show! SMELL THE BUYRATE. So, according to Russo logic, is the fact that this is an impromptu challenge part of the script or not part of the script? How do we know if they’re shooting or not? Clark beats on Vampiro and slams him for two as Tony has to literally list all of the things we’re supposed to be concerned about as viewers: Booker T’s knee injury, Goldberg’s motorcycle accident, and Stacy Keibler’s whatever that was. When you need to literally remind me as a fan about stuff that happened less than an hour ago so I can remember to be concerned, you’ve done a shitty job. Vamp gets double-teamed in the Kronic corner and the arena is SILENT since they have no real issue with each other and this match had no reason to happen. Vamp reverses a powerbomb in the ring and boots Adams down and it’s over to Muta as the Dark Carnivores take over. “Where is the Demon?” wonders Scott Hudson, with his finger on the pulse of the thoughts of everyone watching the show at this point. WHERE IS THE DEMON?!? My god, bring that man out because he can’t possibly be any worse than anyone currently in this shitty match! In fact you’d probably have a tough time finding anyone worse. So Clark gets a “hot” tag and immediately hits Vamp with the Meltdown, but decides not to pin him because reasons. So Muta blows the mist and hits the ref by mistake, and OF COURSE Russo decided to actually find someone worse than these guys, because the Harris Brothers run in after being blissfully elsewhere for months, and hit Clark with the H-Bomb to give the Dark Conifers the tag titles at 9:07. Wait, so what was their plan if Kronik hadn’t issued an impromptu challenge? DUD

#1 Contender match: Kevin Nash v. Goldberg v. Scott Steiner

So they play Goldberg’s music a couple of times, but he’s out via motorcycle accident, which we as viewers are very concerned about, remember. So the announcers are like “IS IT GOING TO BE A SHOOT FIGHT?!?” while Nash does his lazy knees in the corner and then takes Scott to the floor for a spot on the railing, but Goldberg finally comes down and attacks Nash a couple of minutes late. Back in the ring, Steiner drops the elbow and poses, here in this SHOOT FIGHT where they’re SHOOTING because it’s TOO REAL. Scott with a suplex for two. Goldberg comes back and puts Steiner on the floor with a shoulderblock, selling the ribs because it’s real and not a work like the rest of the match. Back to Nash and he slugs it out with Goldberg while Scott Hudson literally accuses Nash of booking himself to win the World title in 1998. I mean he’s not wrong but who the hell is supposed to be able to follow this stuff? Goldberg takes Steiner down with a butterfly suplex, which you frequently see in real fights, and they clothesline each other for a double down. This may even be MORE realistic than a UFC fight if that’s possible. Nash comes back with a big boot and pulls down the straps, just like you’d expect in a shooting match, but he goes for the powerbomb and Goldberg WALKS OUT on it. See because he was supposed to get powerbombed and lose the match, but he’s OFF THE SCRIPT. Because apparently we’re supposed to somehow know that Goldberg was supposed to get powerbombed and this was a spot gone wrong. So Vince Russo comes out and tells him to go put Nash over, but he REFUSES and leaves. Boo that man! I guess? So back in the ring for the singles match that’s left, as Steiner gets a slam on Nash but charges and hits boot, which brings Midajah out as the announcers bitch about people not going up for the powerbomb. And then the ref is bumped, so she goes low on Nash, which is apparently not in the script and she’s going into business for herself as well. And then we get more ballshots and Steiner gets two off that. And then Nash gets two but Midajah breaks that up as I’m increasingly suspicious about the supposed shoot nature of this wrestling match. But then Nash gets the POOCHIEBOMB and finishes at 10:44, just like the script said he would. No wait, I gues this wasn’t actually part of the script due to Goldberg being a crybaby who walked out and made them improvise another finish? I’m so confused by this shooting match. So now we know for sure that Fall Brawl will be Nash challenging for the World title, which it actually wasn’t. I guess the PPV went off the script as well. DUD. And ANOTHER thing: One of the main points of the announcing from Hudson was bitching about Kevin Nash booking himself to win the WCW title from Goldberg with the powerbomb in 1998, which apparently wasn’t the “right thing for WCW”. So what was the “booked” finish of this match “suppposed” to be? Kevin Nash booking himself over Goldberg, AGAIN, with the powerbomb, AGAIN, to get a World title, AGAIN. What do the kids say in this situation? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. No, I know, you can’t, I’m just saying, the kids say that.

WCW World title: Booker T v. Jeff Jarrett

Booker gets a rollup for two and puts him down with a spinkick and a powerbomb for two. They fight on the floor and Booker crotches him on the post, but he goes up for a missile dropkick and only hits with one leg, allowing Jeff to go to work on the knee. Back to the floor and Jeff smashes him with a chair in the knee and works him over with a crab in the ring. Jarrett keeps working him over, but Booker comes back with the axe kick and spinarooni, bumping the ref in the process. So Jarrett grabs the guitar and smashes that into the knee to set up the figure-four, but Booker makes the ropes after a struggle. So then they fight to the floor and the ref gets bumped a second time as they go through a table for funsies, and that brings out Ginger Ref to make the count. Back in the ring, Booker gets two. So then Jarrett grabs a chair this time and goes low on Booker, but we get a THIRD ref bump and JJ gets the Stroke onto the chair with no one to count. So we get a third ref now, for two, and Booker gets a neckbreaker on the chair for two. Jarrett goes up a Booker catches him on the way down, hits the Bookend, and retains the title at 14:20. They were trying to sell this as an all time classic but it was incredibly overbooked given what an average match it was. I liked the Storm match from Nitro way better, and I just couldn’t get into this one, like at all, after the matches preceding it broke my brain. **1/4.

Oh and Vancouver actually throws garbage into the ring after the main event, showing how they felt about the PPV after waiting for years to finally get one from WCW.

I find this one tough to classify. Was it rock bottom for WCW? Hard to say because we’ve still got a few PPVs left. Man it’s a contender, though, just the worst of Russo’s unfiltered “creativity” thrown on screen one after another with no one left to tell him how stupid his ideas were. Not only were there TERRIBLE finishes one after another, but some of the finishes were deliberately booked to be terrible because they were “going off script” and that was his idea to somehow sell that ridiculous idea.

Thumbs down. DO NOT WATCH.

Unless you want to, whatever, I’m not your mom.