The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 12.01.97

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 12.01.97

When we last left off:  https://www.blogofdoom.com/rants/nitro1997/

Believe it or not I still haven’t finished the 1997 Nitro run, and WWE Vault recently posted a cool video about “Unforgettable Nitro endings” and I was like “Damn, I kinda wanna watch more 97 Nitro now.”

https://youtu.be/095_-dhtxQs?si=fsQyCbqGYWsaN3Zt

I would stop when it gets to the Vince McMahon segment at the end, personally.

LAST WEEK:  Sting shows up to stop the nWo!  Or does he?  No he doesn’t.

Live from Knoxville, TN, drawing a sellout 5782.  Oh man they better have the stunt granny in the front row for this one!

HOUR #1!  THE HOUR THAT SECRETLY DESIGNED THE NWO LOGO BUT NEVER GOT PAID FOR IT AND NOW DOES THE PODCAST CIRCUIT COMPLAINING ABOUT IT!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko & Mike Tenay

LAST WEEK:  Larry has had it with Scott Hall and calls him out, but Eric Bischoff answers and calls him too fat and too ugly to even have a match.  So Larry wants a match with Eric instead and that’s apparently a thing that’s going to happen at Starrcade.

Eric Bischoff joins Mean Gene, and he denies accepting a challenge last week.  He wants to stress that Larry is fat and beneath him.  But if Larry could somehow put WCW Nitro up for grabs so that the nWo would control it if Eric won, then MAYBE he would accept.  But that can’t happen, so never mind.  Good lord this was a clunky setup for one of the all-time biggest blunders in wrestling TV history.

Juventud Guerrera v. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Eddie Guerrero joins us on commentary to scout the match as they trade takedowns and fight to a stalemate.  Rey takes him down with a flying headscissors, but then tries it again and Juvy drops him on the top rope with a stungun.  Then we get a weird spot where Juvy gets a clothesline and Rey kind of lands on the ropes and falls down instead of selling it normally.  Juvy goes after the knee after that, so I’m guessing Rey twisted something and they’re adapting to it.  Juvy keeps working the knee while Rey recovers, which kind of kills the match, but Rey comes back with a rana off the top for two.  Juvy with the Juvy Driver for two as they pick up the pace again, thankfully.  Juvy misses the blind charge and lands on his head, and Rey hits him with an electric chair drop, and then Drops the Dime for the pin at 5:41 to pop the crowd.  And then Rey limps to the back on the bad knee. **1/2

Wrath v. Hugh Morrus

Raven watches from ringside while Tony puts over the wrestling prowess of Larry Zbyszko and determines that all the nWo members are just scared of his wrestling ability and karate.  Morrus goes after James Vandenberg and Wrath boots him to the floor as a result and follows with a cannonball off the apron.  Meanwhile the announcers keep talking about Larry as if he’s Hulk Hogan or something.  Back in the ring, Wrath with a flying clothesline while Mortis wraps a chain around his boot at ringside, but he kicks at Morrus and misses, hitting Wrath instead.  And No Laughing Matter finishes at 2:44.  I don’t know what the point of Raven jumping the rail even was here.  *

Hollywood Hogan joins us and we get a neat camera shot with a Sting mask on the lens, and a bunch of fans in the front row get Sting masks as well.  Which gives us STUNT GRANNY STING.  Glad to see she’s there this week.  And indeed, Hogan does his spiel and then goes to ringside, where STUNT GRANNY is yelling and screaming at him and threatening to punch him out, and Hogan just stands there and eggs her on.  Amazing.

Yuji Nagata v. Prince Iaukea

They trade wristlocks to start and Iaukea suplexes him for two and goes to a chinlock.  So Nagata drops him on his head with a backdrop suplex as the announcers completely ignore the match, and Sonny Onoo kicks the Prince down and sends him back into the ring again.  Nagata beats on him to take over and goes to a neck vice before stomping him down and going to work on the leg.  Yuji with a half crab as the announcers finally realize there’s a match going on, and they trade chops as Prince seems pretty motivated to have a good match here.  Iaukea with a superkick, but he charges and walks into an overhead suplex as a result.  They slug it out on the top rope and Iaukea gets a flying bodypress to finish at 4:53 for a weird upset.  Nobody cared but Iaukea actually looked really good here.  ***

The Faces of Fear v. Harlem Heat

The Heat double-teams Barbarian with a suplex for two, but Booker gets caught in the heel corner and clobbered by Meng for a bit.  Booker comes back with the ax kick for two.  For some reason they switch corners at this point, with Meng moving from the far side right to the near-side right corner and I have no idea why.  The FOF double-team Stevie and drop double headbutts on him for two, but Booker saves.  Stevie with a powerslam on Barbarian, but Jackie tackles Jimmy Hart at ringside for some reason, allowing Booker to get the hot tag and clean house with a sidekick on Barbarian for two.  It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Stevie rolls up Meng for the pin at 4:00.  Meng puts the TONGAN DEATH GRIP on Stevie and Booker tries to break it up with a balsa wood chair, but Meng punches through the chair and puts Booker down as well.  I thought they were done with Harlem Heat by this point but I guess not.  This was all kind of weirdly wrestled and not great.  *1/2

HOUR #2!  THE HOUR THAT CLAIMED CREDIT FOR DESIGNING THE NWO LOGO AND STOLE ALL OF HOUR #1’S ROYALTIES AS A RESULT!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay & Bobby Heenan

The Outsiders join us to kick off the hour, and Nash compares himself to Jack Ruby, with WCW wrestlers being Lee Harvey Oswald, which is quite the metaphor for all the hip young kids watching.

Scott Hall v. Disco Inferno

The Stunt Granny approves of Disco, so she’s not all good.  Hall messes up Disco’s hair in the corner and they get into a slugfest, surprisingly won by Disco until Hall has had enough of selling and beats him down.  Hall with the corner clothesline and a chokeslam, and he sends Disco to the floor for a beating from Nash.  Back in the ring, Disco tries a bodypress and gets caught with the sack of shit slam, which sets up the Razor’s Edge to finish at 2:49.  Complete squash for Hall.

JJ Dillon joins us and he agrees to put Nitro on the line at Starrcade, thus making the Bischoff-Larry match official.  Why would anyone in kayfabe want them to put WCW Nitro on the line?  Anyway the announcers have now built up Larry as the second coming of Bruno Sammartino and Antonio Inoki combined, with the submission skills of a UFC fighter.  Kind of like the episode of Superfriends where they met Frankenstein and they all ended up merged into one super-monster with all their powers and whatever Batman offered.

Psicosis v. Ultimo Dragon

Psi elbows him to the floor and follows with a slingshot legdrop out there, which required Dragon to lay carefully in one spot for kind of an extended period.  Back in the ring, that gets two.  Dropkick in the corner as Dragon seems off, and a small package gets two.  Dragon tries a cradle and Psi blocks for two.  Majastral cradle gets two.  But then Dragon gets a rana for the pin at 3:55.  The entire crowd, plus the announcers, completely ignored the match.  It was fine.  **

Billy Kidman v. Chris Benoit

Even though Raven has signed the contract, he won’t capitulate to The Man, and thus Kidman gets to face Benoit instead.  So a grumpy Benoit hits Kidman with a back elbow and then beats him down with chops and a backdrop.  Benoit with a spinebuster into a Liontamer, but he releases it to go yell at Raven.  Kidman tries to escape, so Benoit smashes him with chops after tearing his shirt up, but Kidman manages to comes back with a headscissors and the bulldog out of the corner.  Benoit takes him to the floor and chops him even harder out there, but Kidman runs him into a shot from Saturn and follows with a shooting star off the apron to take over.  Back in the ring, Kidman puts the boots to him and hits a slingshot legdrop for two.  Rebound lariat gets two.  Benoit fights back with a backdrop suplex to escape a headlock and then just nails him with a backbreaker and more chops.  So Kidman hits back, but Benoit finally takes him down and taps him out with the crossface at 5:57.  OK this was a pretty goddamn good match.  ***1/2. And then the Flock hits the ring, with Benoit fighting them all off until Raven takes him out with the DDT and Saturn puts him into the Rings of Saturn for good measure.

Lex Luger v. Buff Bagwell

OK, strap in for the kind of red hot take that I’m known for :  This show is too long.  They’re just doing match-match-match with no real storyline stuff to break them up and it’s kind of a drag despite some good action.  Thank you for coming to my talk.  We get a posedown to start and Buff takes Lex to the floor and beats on him in front of the Stunt Granny, as even Tony acknowledges her greatness.  She’s carrying this show.  Back in the ring, Buff stomps Luger down and poses again, and you know deep down that Stunt Granny is into it but she’s a consummate pro who won’t break character.  Buff with a chinlock, but Lex fights out of it and makes a comeback, leading to a collision for a double down.  Buff with a jawbreaker and lariat for two.  Buff puts the boots to him and chokes him out on the ropes, but Lex comes back again and slugs away on the ropes.  Buff puts him down to cut off the comeback, but misses a blind charge and Lex drops him with a back suplex and the clothesline.  Powerslam sets up the torture rack, but Vincent runs in for the DQ at 7:24.  **

WCW US title:  Curt Hennig v. Diamond Dallas Page

OK let’s get to the nWo run-in and wrap this up.  Page with a slam to send Hennig to the floor and back in for a neckbreaker, but Hennig goes low and catapults him under the ropes to take over.  Curt with the rolling necksnap as the ref is down, and apparently he was hit with a golf ball from a fan and knocked loopy before recovering.  I always hated that they never tried to shut down that nonsense from the crowds.  Hennig goes to a chinlock to give poor Randy Anderson a chance to get it together but he’s looking rough.  So Hennig goes to another chinlock as they should just do the inevitable DQ and get this over with so Randy can get some help.  Page makes a comeback with the lariat and slugs away on the ropes.  Pancake sets up the Diamond Cutter, but Rick Rude arrives and pulls out the ref at two for the DQ at 6:27 and everyone runs for the beatdown and blah blah blah.  No Sting to save.  Match was a complete disaster but it wasn’t their fault.  *

And that’s the show as they just kind of meandered through the Starrcade buildup this week with good matches here and there, but no Sting, and most of the emphasis on building up Larry v. Eric for control of Nitro in a storyline that no one wanted and a match no one asked for.  In other words, it was your standard episode of WCW Nitro.