The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 11.24.97

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 11.24.97

Originally written 02.26.26

Live from Saginaw, MI, drawing 5879.

HOUR #1! THE HOUR THAT TALKED AJ STYLES INTO RETIRING!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Larry Z & Mike Tenay

The New World Order joins us to start, after Scott Hall triumphed in World War III thanks to the ULTIMATE SWERVE, which was Kevin Nash dressing up as Sting and presumably fooling everyone in the audience. Hollywood Hogan is so excited about Hall’s win that he’s willing to put up the WCW World title against anyone in the back who wants a shot tonight. This brings out the Giant with a big cast on his arm, but JJ Dillon won’t allow it. But WAIT! Giant asks to sign a waiver indemnifying WCW from any damages, so JJ agrees to draw something up and give him the shot. Nothing like legal negotiations to get wrestling fans worked up!

Disorderly Conduct v. The Steiner Brothers

The purple-clad geeks attack before the bell and get chased out of the ring as a result, and back in the ring for a suplex from Scott on Conduct. Over to Disorderly, who slugs away on Rick and gets a side slam for two. Rick catches him with a powerslam for two and Scott comes in and pounds on him with forearms, but Conduct hits him from the apron and Scott actually takes a bump outside to put a bit of heat on Disorderly Conduct.. But then Disorderly goes up and Scott suplexes him on the way down while we learn they’re actually named “Tough Tom” and “Mean Mike”. I don’t agree with either of those nicknames. Steiners finish whichever one with the elevated bulldog at 3:45. Not exactly a stellar opener. *

THE MONSTER MENG v. Booker T

Still slowly easing into that Booker T singles push at this point. Booker hits him with a bodypress to start and puts him on the floor with a spinkick for a slugfest out there. Back in, Meng catches him with chops, but Booker spins up and hits the sidekick for two. Meng hits him with a slam and then follows with a powerbomb for two. Meng with the clobbering in the corner, but he tries another powerbomb and Booker reverses to a sunset flip for the upset win at 3:10. Afterwards, Meng doesn’t take the loss well and puts Booker down with the TONGAN DEATH GRIP until Stevie makes the save with a 2×4. *1/2

Meanwhile, at World War 3, JJ Dillon has had enough of Raven’s nonsense and gives him 24 hours to sign a contract with WCW or get lost. Bischoff certainly found out how well Raven dealt with ultimatums later on.

JJ Dillon joins Mean Gene,looking for the signed contract from Raven, who has signed it but with stipulations. He’ll wrestle who he wants, when he wants, how he wants and get paid whatever he demands. Sounds like a Brock Lesnar contract. Also Scotty Riggs is now part of the Flock, apparently. “What is the deal with Scotty Riggs?” wonders Mike Tenay. Yeah, and what about airplane food? And why do you drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

Chris Benoit v. Sick Boy

This is the beginning of a pretty hot feud that I didn’t really like at the time. Raven pulls Sick Boy out of the front row and tosses him into the ring to face Benoit, and Chris immediately beats him down and suplexes him onto the top rope. Sick Boy fights back with a springboard dropkick and chokes Benoit down, but Benoit chops the hell out of him and beats him down in the corner. They fight to the floor and Benoit just keeps beating his ass, but he gets distracted by Lodi (who still didn’t have a name yet) , allowing Sick Boy to try another springboard and that misses. Oh yes, I had forgotten about Scott Vick and his love of springboards. Benoit goes up with the diving headbutt and the Flock geeks start running in and get taken out by Benoit, and the crossface finishes Sick Boy at 3:40. And then the Flock all swarms Benoit and beats him down while Raven watches. This was a pretty fun ass-kicking squash delivered by Benoit. **

Larry Zbyszko heads to the ring after an nWo video, issuing another challenge to Scott Hall, but they drop pictures of Eric Bischoff from the ceiling instead. This brings out Eric, who claims that Hall is far too busy defending the “tag team titles” and also Larry was never really that good of a wrestler anyway. Plus he’s fat and slow now. I mean, he’s not WRONG. So Larry invites Eric to Larryland, and apparently they’re gonna have a match before Larry can get to Hall.

HOUR #2! THE HOUR THAT SCORED THE OVERTIME GOAL FOR THE US OLYMPIC HOCKEY TEAM!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan & Mike Tenay

Prince Iaukea v. Alex Wright

Thankfully the WW3 PPV was the end of Goldberg’s involvement with the Debra/Wright crew and he quickly went into a new direction. Wright beats on the Prince in the corner, but misses a charge and Iaukea comes back with a dropkick and enzuigiri for two. “I think he picked that up from the legendary Antonio Inoki” notes Tenay, referencing his recent “tour of the Orient”. Yeah I’m pretty sure Inoki wasn’t tutoring frigging PRINCE IAUKEA in 1997. Wright takes over again while Debra stands on the apron yelling at everyone for no reason, distracting both guys and the ref at the same time. So Iaukea goes up with a flying bodypress and gets the pin at 3:17 as we learn that Debra’s dress was hooked on the turnbuckle and she couldn’t move. Wow, that Japan excursion sure did wonders for Iaukea here in this shitty 3 minute TV match where the entire thing was focused on Debra being trapped on a turnbuckle bolt. Oh and Wright fires her afterwards. This was HORRENDOUS. DUD.

Disco Inferno v. Randy Savage

Speaking of DUDs, time for Disco Inferno. Also we learn that Tony doesn’t know what day it is, as he calls “the 25^th day of November” despite the date being November 24. Disco gets distracted by Liz and Savage clobbers him on the floor and then brings him back into the ring and drops the big elbow on him for two, picking him up. DROP ANOTHER ONE ON HIM, YEAH! So he does, and gets the pin at 2:15. DROP ANOTHER ONE ON HIM, MACHO! And he does. And Disco dork gets spraypainted afterwards for good measure, and then Liz pins him for good measure before Macho drops a fourth elbow on him. I’d insert the Simpsons “HE’S ALREADY DEAD!” meme but I’d watch an hour straight of Macho Man dropping elbows on Disco Inferno if we’re being honest with each other. And then Tony plugs WCW v. nWo World tour on N64 while they show a picture of WCW Nitro for the Playstation, so he has to come back after the break and correct the plug. OK that was hilarious and about the most entertaining thing to come from this FUCKING BORING episode thus far.

Brad Armstrong v. Dean Malenko

They trade armbars while the crowd dozes and the announcers talk about a “rougher, tougher Brad Armstrong” and Brad yells at the ref to show how ROUGH AND TOUGH he is. That went nowhere. Malenko comes back with his leg lariat and goes to a chinlock. Brad fights out and misses a charge, but he cradles Dean for two, but Dean backslides him for two. And they trade rollups before Dean rolls into the Cloverleaf at 5:27. I love how they’re like “Brad is so aggressive and butch now!” and he immediately taps out to a midcarder’s finisher. *1/2

Steve McMichael joins Mean Gene here in the SHANKS OF THE EVENING, and he too fires Debra and tells her to get lost. I’m assuming that’s when she jumped to the WWF and hitched her wagon to Steve Austin.

Chris Jericho v. Buff Bagwell

You can tell this episode is sourced from the WWE Network due to 1997 Jericho using “Break the Wall Down” as his entrance theme. Buff does his posing and preening, but Jericho clotheslines him to the floor and hits him with a pretty impressive dive. Back in, Jericho with the Lionsault for two. But then he charges and Buff drops him on the top rope to take over. Buff with a back elbow, but Jericho fights back and Buff clotheslines him down as the announcers keep going on about how AGGRESSIVE the WCW babyfaces are being this week. But is it RUTHLESS aggression? Also they keep losing so putting over their fighting spirit isn’t exactly helping. Buff keeps beating Jericho down, but he goes up and poses yet agai, allowing Jericho to bring him down with a rana for two. Jericho makes the comeback, but misses a charge and the Blockbuster finishes at 7:00, although he mostly missed it. Another babyface made to look like a geek, but in Jericho’s case it WAS leading to something at least. **

US title: Curt Hennig v. Ray Traylor

Remember when this match was a featured title match on a Wrestlemania? They fight on the floor to start and Traylor runs him into the stairs while the announcers are like “Traylor doesn’t have any friends or allies!” as if that’s a flex. Traylor with a corner splash as Hennig bumps around for him for some reason, but Traylor misses a charge and Hennig goes to work on the back. Curt whips him into the corner and for some reason takes a bump off doing THAT, flipping over in the air for no reason and then going to a chinlock. Ray makes a fired up comeback by, uh, grabbing a leglock on the mat, but Curt fights out of it and they trade chops before Ray slugs him down. But then Curt goes to another chinlock to somehow kill this atrocious match even more. Traylor fights back and does his “Hey, remember the Big Bossman?” spots but the Bubba slam gets two and SHOCKER, the nWo runs in for the DQ at 6:40. I’ve never been happier to see an nWo run-in to end a match. -* Afterwards they all beat him up and try to use a Sharpie to write “nWo” on his forehead, but that completely doesn’t work because it’s live TV and we’re watching a WCW show.

Afterwards, Tony manages to at least plug the correct video game this time.

WCW World title: Hollywood Hogan v. The Giant

GEE I WONDER WHAT THE FINISH IS GOING TO BE HERE. Hogan immediately goes after Giant’s broken arm and rams it into the turnbuckle a few times while Bischoff and new buddy Rick Rude take over the announce desk and they’re not even trying to hide that this match is going to have a bullshit non-finish. They fight on the floor and Giant rams him into the railing a couple of times, but then misses an elbow in the ring and Hulk goes to work on the cast. He drops the BIG STINKY WART INFESTED GIANT KILLING LEGDROP for two, but Giant comes back as the crowd patiently waits for the run-in finish in between beers. Giant with OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW THE CHOKESLAM (he was saying Ow because his hand hurts, you see) but then “Sting” runs in for the DQ at 4:34 and IT’S KEVIN NASH AGAIN! OH MY GOD THEY SWERVED US A SECOND NIGHT IN A ROW! And then it’s yet another nWo special as they all beat up the Giant until “Sting” drops from the ceiling, but this time it’s a dummy that actually falls through the ring, and the nWo beats up the dummy as well.

I don’t know if this was the WORST episode of Nitro I can recall seeing in a long time, but holy hell was it the most boring. This company was on FIRE in November of 1997, basically putting Vince on the ropes for the first time in his career, and this was what they chose to put on TV with RAW bleeding viewers and fans desperately wanting to know what Bret Hart was going to do. Just inexcusably bad. And it was about to get SO MUCH worse before the end of the year.