The SmarK Rant for WCW Millennium Final 2000 – 11.16.00

The SmarK Rant for WCW Millennium Final 2000 – 11.16.00

Originally written 06.08.26

I was all ready to carry on with WCW 2000 Nitro reviews but then after the last one I realized that there was another show from that European tour which I’ve never reviewed before! This was a Germany-only PPV that never saw a US release and was never put on the WWE Network. I don’t think they even talked about it on TV.

Live from Oberhausen, Germany, drawing NEIN-thousand. The arena looked legit packed at least.

Your hosts are Mike Fitter & Lenz Retzler. Sadly I do not speak German so I won’t get much from them here. Don’t worry, I will make up lots of nonsense to compensate.

The Filthy Animals v. Kronik

I’d like to think they don’t smoke much marijuana in Germany because it hurts efficiency too much. You can’t build new factories if you’re busy smoking a doobie and watching Jeopardy all afternoon! Regardless, both teams get huge reaction from the crowd. Kidman tries a headlock and Adams tosses him off and into the corner for a beating, but Kidman takes him down with a rana. The crowd appreciates Adams for his dedication to efficiently crushing things, I’m guessing, thus reducing space needed to dispose of them. Kidman’s sunset flip is reversed into a full nelson slam for two and it’s over to Clark, who the crowd probably appreciates because he represents clean and efficient nuclear reactor power. Over to Rey and he tries some fancy flying stuff, but Germans do not want to see moves with too many steps and flips because it’s a waste of time. And indeed, Clark takes over with a powerslam out of the corner and they cheer for that. Kronik with a double shoulderblock for two, and Germans would appreciate that because they’re working twice as fast. I know, I know, the idea of Kronik working twice as fast kills the whole bit but this is what I’ve got to work with. Clark with a backbreaker on Rey Rey and he chokes him out, and I feel like Germans would dislike Rey Rey because there’s no need to repeat his first name when it’s more efficient to just say “Rey”. I have no proof of any of this, I should remind you, I’m just speculating. Adams with a press slam for two and you KNOW the Germans love a good military press, but Rey necks him on the top rope and springboards into the ring with a diving headbutt to set up the hot tag to Kidman. Billy runs wild and you know the Germans hate the hot tag because running all over the ring and taking on both guys by yourself is very inefficient. Clark tries a powerbomb but YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN, and Rey gives Adams the broncobuster. FACE FULL OF WEINERSCHNITZEL! Kid Crusher gets two on Clark, but Kronik finishes with the High Times double chokeslam at 10:14. A pretty decent opener despite Kronik being themselves. **1/4

Battle Royal:

We’ve got Lance Storm, Elix Skipper, and General Rection to start, so I guess this is Royal Rumble rules somehow? Skipper and Storm double-team him and choke him out on the ropes, but the Cat makes the save and runs wild with kicks. Next up is Mike Sanders, and the Germans would definitely appreciate the fact that he’s Above Average. Intervals appear to be 30 seconds, as Mike Awesome is next at 2:30. I assume the Germans wouldn’t love That 70s Guy, given half the country was under Soviet rule during the 70s and that was a bad time for them. Kwee Wee is next at 4:00 so my theory about 30 second intervals is out the window. Germans would likely not appreciate these inefficiently spaced intervals. Lance Storm gets thrown out by the General at 4:37. Disqo is next at 5:30 and everyone jumps him, but the Cat is thrown out at 5:46. Billy Kidman is up at 6:32 and I give up trying to figure out the timing here. Kronik comes out together at 7:35 and the Germans would no doubt appreciate the efficiency of having two entrants at the same time. They immediately throw out General Rection, Elix Skipper, Kwee Wee, Disqo, Mike Awesome (maybe?), Mike Sanders and then go after Kidman. But Rey Mysterio saves at 8:47 and you can’t say they didn’t clear out some deadwood. Granted the whole match is deadwood but it’s much more efficiently run in there now. So we’ve got Kronik v. Filthy Animals again for a bit, but Sean O’Haire is next at 9:41 and he superkicks Kidman out immediately. Kronik throws out Rey at 10:07 and Mark Jindrak is next at 10:26 so we get Kronik v. Thrillers now. That’s a whole lot of nothing and Norman Smiley is next at 11:33, representing European interests. Everyone beats him down while he screams in terror. That kind of cowardice might fly in France, but not in Germany, pal! ALEX WRIGHT makes the save at 12:38, drawing the Hogan pop, but all the heels jump him and beat him down. Konnan is immediately next at 13:20 to save. And finally we have Fit Finlay at 14:11 and I didn’t even know he was still wrestling in 2000. Fit manages to dump both of Kronik at 14:48, and O’Haire is out at 15:00. Smiley puts Jindrak out at 15:23, but stops to dance and gets tossed by Fit at 15:31. And then Fit backdrops K-Dawg out at 15:39 and we’re down to Germany v. Ireland. Alex jumps him from behind and slugs away in the corner, but Fit cuts him off and tries to put him over the top. Alex pokes him in the eye and they fight on the ropes while Mike Awesome lays on the floor selling a knee injury. For some reason. Alex dumps Fit to the apron and celebrates early, but Fit nails him from behind and goes up with a pump splash. Wright gets the knees up to block that, and dropkicks Fit into the ropes before clotheslining him out to win the match at 17:44, but then Mike Awesome sneaks back in and throws him out to win for real at 18:00. Gotta love WCW somehow managing to fuck over one of the biggest crowds they’ve drawn in a while. This was a like a low level Rumble with no notable spots and a terrible finish. *1/2

So I guess Awesome faces Kevin Nash later in the show, and the winner takes on Sting for the European cup in the main event. I don’t know where they came up with that but whatever.

Elix Skipper v. Kwee Wee

I get to hear the original music here and I have no idea how they didn’t get sued by DMX for Skipper’s theme. Maybe they did, I dunno. They fight for the lockup and Kwee takes him down with a hiptoss and sends him to the floor. Back in the ring, Kwee Wee gets a running slam to send Elix to the floor again, but he chokes Wee out on the ropes to take over. Suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock as this match is so boring that I can’t even come up with any hilarious jokes about German efficiency. Skipper takes him down and works the arm as the German announcers suddenly say “cross armbar” in English, which always throws me off. Kwee Wee slams out of it and makes the comeback with a flying forearm and kneelift. Backdrop out of the corner gets two. They trade suplexes for two and Skipper loads up the Grey Cup ring and knocks him out behind the ref’s back. But then he gets greedy and grabs a chair for some reason, and Kwee dropkicks it back in his face for two. Recovered from that ring shot pretty fast. And he finishes with a powerbomb at 10:34. This was Just A Match. *1/2

Meanwhile, Kevin Nash chats with the German interviewer, sounding like he just woke up from a nap and he’s ready to get on the plane and go home. “I’m feeling good, I chopped some wood earlier today”.

Above Average Mike Sanders v. Ernest Miller

I guess they’re fighting over who is the real asshole or whatever, based on the pre-match promos. Cat survives Mike’s onslaught of choking and sends him to the floor with a kick, so Sanders decides to walk out. So Miss Jones kicks him to prevent that, and Cat runs him into the railing a few times. Back in the ring, Sanders hides behind the ref and goes RIGHT TO THE STRUDEL to take over before hitting him with an Angle Slam. That gets two. Sanders with a chinlock, but Cat fights out and finishes with the Feliner at 5:18. ½*

AND NOW VE DANCE!

Ok enough dancing.

Also the match was advertised as being for the Commissioner position and then they just kind of forgot about that after Cat won.

Ric Flair joins us for an interview in the ring, demanding that the fans wake up again. Yes he really said that. Maybe don’t put on boring midcard matches to fill time, then. So he announces a Bavarian Oktoberfest Hardcore match with Fit Finlay and Smiley (apparently added at the last minute because Shane Douglas no-showed), and also puts Alex Wright into the match with Kevin Nash and Mike Awesome, in addition to Wright already challenging for the tag team titles tonight.

WCW US title: Lance Storm v. General Rection

Storm has the Canadian flag sticker back on the belt after winning it back on Nitro, and you know the Germans appreciate that kind of efficient and serious attitude. Storm: “As much as I hate working in America, at least they’ve got decent catering.” Finally hearing the MIA music here without WWE censorship and I’m confused why they cut it out in the first place. Sounds pretty generic to me. Rection chases him out of the ring and beats on him with chops in the ring, but Major Gunns trips him up and Storm takes over. To the floor and Lance runs him into the railing and back in the ring for two. Storm with the chinlock and he goes to work, but Rection fights out and Storm grabs the title belt and nails him for the DQ at 7:50. Another OK match in a series tonight. Neither guy was particularly over. **. Afterwards, Rection piledrives Major Gunns in what probably should have been a sign of his problematic nature.

Bavarian Oktoberfest Street Fight: Norman Smiley v. Fit Finlay

We get the Bavarian Girls first, who enter to that song Europeans sing for Bayley when she’s there. Norman is of course in full Bavarian mode to draw the big babyface pop. We get a hockey stick v. baseball bat showdown to start and Fit uses a mop to win that battle before tossing him to the floor and dropping him on the railing. Norman comes back and works on the arm outside, but Fit bounces a can lid off his head and they head up the aisle and find a conveniently placed merch stand made out of balsa wood. So that gets smashed and they fight through the crowd and back to ringside, where Norman uses a chair. Fit beats him down in the ring while the Germans sing that song despite Bayley being too young to be a wrestler yet, but Norman comes back with a catapult into a trash can and a sleeper. Fit sends him to the floor again for more furniture shots as the crowd dozes, and he runs Norman into a garbage can a few times. Fit stops to say some very rude things to the crowd in German, which allows Norman to make a comeback. No one who speaks German could be evil, though! Back in the ring, Fit preps a table in the corner and slams Norman through that to block the chickenwing. So with that table ruined, Fit retrieves another one and sets it up beside the ring while fighting off Norman’s attempts to come back. But then Norman backdrops him over the top and through the table (feet first) and pins him at 10:32. That looked really stupid. Match was the usual walk and brawl hardcore match. **

WCW World tag team title: Sean O’Haire & Mark Jindrak v. The Boogie Knights

No, wait, apparently Disco was injured in the battle royal earlier, so General Rection gets to work twice and take his place. Well on the bright side it was probably something painful for him. O’Haire beats on Alex and goes to work on the arm, but Alex takes him down with a wristlock and dropkicks him into the corner before walking into a clothesline. Over to Rection, but Jindrak stomps him down, so it’s back to Wright as he bails out the General with a double clothesline and suplex for two. Rection tries a rollup on Jindrak but O’Haire nails him from the apron to break it up and the NBT go to work. Sean with a chinlock and Jindrak comes in and drops elbows for zwei before going to his own chinlock. O’Haire goes up for the swanton and misses and it’s hot tag Wright. But the champs immediately cut him off and O’Haire gives him a gutbuster to put him down. They hit Rection with a double hiptoss, but he takes O’Haire out of the ring. Back in, Wright hits Jindrak with a missile dropkick for EIN, ZWEI, DREI and the tag team titles at 11:38. OK, so notably, they told Rection to stay out of the ring while Wright was celebrating with the belts, because on Nitro the next week they pretended like it was Wright and Disco who won the belts here and they only wanted footage of Alex with the belts. The match was fine, which is something of a miracle as clearly the babyfaces had no chemistry and had to put something together with a couple of green rookies minutes before. **

Kevin Nash v. Alex Wright v. Mike Awesome

So we’ve got Awesome working twice, Wright working three times, and Nash working once. Sounds about right. Winner of this faces Sting for the European cup in the finals. Nash literally stands in the corner watching as Wright and Awesome beat on each other and Alex gets a suplex out of the corner for two. You wouldn’t think Germans would tolerate that kind of laziness, but they seem to enjoy his theme song so it evens out. Even though the lyrics rhyme “Don’t turn your back on the Wolfpack” with “You might wind up in a bodybag” and that’s kind of weird. Nash drops an elbow on Awesome for two and an elbow on Wright for zwei. Alex suplexes Awesome for two, but Mike gets a sort of DDT on Nash for two as this is just a BIG OL’ mess. Wright and Awesome hit Nash with a double suplex for two but then Awesome turns on Wright and clotheslines Nash to the floor, triggering a knee injury from Big Kev. So Awesome brings a table into the ring but can’t execute the running powerbomb, and Wright comes back with a DDT for zwei. And then he sets up the table, but the legs are broken and poor Alex has struggle with balancing this fucking thing on one side before finally just putting Awesome on it and dropping an elbow as the table falls apart. He goes up to finish, but Nash hits him with the German flag and adds the Poochiebomb to Wright, onto Awesome, before pinning both guys to win the match at 7:24. This was so fucking bad. -**. Also if the finish was just Nash pinning Wright, why did they even have Awesome in the match in the first place? Just let the poor guy win the battle royal before doing the job here.

WCW World title: Booker T v. Scott Steiner

Steiner is his usual charming self, saying it’s “bullshit” that he had to come to Germany for this show, and notes that “I could shave my ass and walk backwards and look better than most German women, so FUCK YOU ALL.” Truly a man in touch with his feelings. Scott beats on him in the corner, but Booker hits him with the forearm and a sunset flip out of the corner for two. Steiner bails and stalls for a bit, and back in Booker hits him with a spinebuster for two. Scott comes back with an atomic drop and Midajah just comes in the ring and helps to put Booker on the floor for some reason allowing Scott to hit him with a chair and take over. I feel like the ref should have said something about that whole deal. Back in the ring, Scott hits him with the elbow and does some pushups before further threatening the crowd. To the bearhug, but Booker fights out of that, so Scott hits him with an overhead suplex and goes to a surfboard. Booker escapes that, but Scott immediately cuts him off with a clothesline and the belly to belly out of the corner for two. Exploder gets two. Small package gets two and Charles Robinson is not counting fast enough for Steiner’s taste and Scott lets him down in explicit detail that he should do a better job. You know, by beating the shit out of him and then stealing his ref shirt and giving it to Midajah. That doesn’t feel legal. Booker comes back with a Harlem sidekick and slugs away in the corner while poor Naitch is hanging there upside down, but Booker goes after Midajah and Scott goes low on Booker for two. And Scott is also mad at MIDAJAH for not counting fast enough. This guy just hates anyone in a ref shirt apparently. Booker comes back and catches a diving Midajah with a slam to get rid of her, and the Bookend finishes at 11:26 with Slick Johnson sprinting in to count the pin. Wait, so what if Steiner had gotten the pin while Midajah was ref? Would that have been legal? Anyway, of all the matches Scott Steiner had with Booker T, this was certainly the one that happened in Germany. **1/2

European Cup Finals: Sting v. Kevin Nash

So after doing some extensive research on the subject while people were in chinlocks earlier in the show, I have learned that Sting won the European Cup back in 1994 by beating Vader on a previous tour of Germany, and then WCW just never bothered to return to have him defend it at any point in the ensuing six years. Also we’ve got like 10 minutes left in this show so I’m not expecting anything on the level of a Sting-Vader match to close it out. The special referee here is boxer Axel Schulz, who would be suitably famous in Germany based on having two very German names. We get a dramatic lowering of the European Cup from the ceiling, complete with its own entrance music, and frankly I’m shocked they didn’t somehow fuck up and have it fall from the ceiling and break. Nash hits Sting with the elbows in the corner to start, before going to the Nash choke, but Sting starts kicking his knee to take him down and goes to work on that. So they’re laying on the mat in a leglock and Axel drops down and starts counting, at which point Sting audibly tells him “You don’t do it for that” and I’m turning the corner on this match already. FIVE STARS. Nash comes back with a corner clothesline and drops an elbow for two, and then blocks the Stinger splash by lifting his leg, which to be fair is 80% of his offensive output. Snake Eyes gets two. Do they even have gambling in Germany to understand that reference? I feel like games of chance would be viewed as too chaotic and not worth the time that would be taken away from honest factory work and sausage stuffing. Sting comes back with clotheslines and the Stinger splash and finishes with the Scorpion Deathlock at 5:45 to retain the cup with time rapidly running out on the show’s airtime. *

And there you go, I’ve now finally reviewed every WCW PPV. As for this one, it was pretty fun to start and then settled into a lot of boring midcard matches and a terrible finale, but overall what’s the verdict?

Eh, it wasn’t the wurst.