The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 03.07.92

The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 03.07.92

I’ve been learning very interesting things this week about the blog, and one thing I didn’t realize is that these SMW reviews were actually drawing a sizable audience of people who were reading and not commenting, giving the impression that they weren’t doing well. So let’s get back to it again.

WHEN WE LAST LEFT OFF: https://www.blogofdoom.com/rant/the-smark-rant-for-smoky-mountain-wrestling-02-29-92/

Taped from Knoxville, TN

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantel

Rip Rogers joins us to put down the disgusting mountain folk, and promises to do squats for the WHOLE HOUR to show everyone how fit he is. I’m looking forward to seeing that.

Hollywood Bob Holly v. Jumpin’ Joey Maggs

RIP ROGERS UPDATE: He’s already done 62 squats just while the ring introductions were happening. Maggs frustrates Holly with armdrags and Bob bails to the floor. Back in, Maggs goes back to the arm while Dutch discusses his ongoing battles with illness that prevent him from meeting Brian Lee in the ring, but not from managing Carl Styles later in the show. It’s a very specifically timed illness, you see. Joey stays on the arm and we get another RIP ROGERS UPDATE: 140 squats and counting. Holly puts the boots to Maggs to take over and drops the leg on him, much like another blond guy named Hollywood, brother. And he follows with a big boot! That gets two. Maggs makes the comeback with a backdrop and puts him down with a shoulderblock for two. Bob catches him with his head down and goes up with a flying elbow to finish at 4:50.

Tim Horner joins us, but we have another RIP ROGERS UPDATE with 255 squats, although Tim is unimpressed despite Rip being completely not tired and ready to continue doing squats for the entire hour. So Horner has $500 that says Rip can’t do it for the entire hour. $500 in southern wrestling money is like $100,000 in real money!

Terry Gordy v. Tommy Angel

Gordy overpowers Angel and throws him around, finishing with a powerbomb at 3:44 after a complete squash to start out his SMW tenure.

Terry Gordy joins Bob, with a message for everyone out there in TV-land leading up to the heavyweight title tournament: There’s no man alive who can beat him, and the title already belongs to him. And he’s already busted up Bob Armstrong’s head a few times so just ask him if you need independent verification of that fact from a third party.

RIP ROGERS UPDATE: He’s still doing the squats, although we don’t have an updated number as of yet. I’ll keep you updated when we get new information.

Bob Armstrong joins us to announce the impending tag team title tournament, which starts in two weeks. Plus he’s got problems with Ron Wright, stemming from Ron interfering on behalf of various heels and allowing them to get some tainted wins. So Bob has BANNED Ron from ringside moving forward, which brings Ron out in his wheelchair to protest this grossly unfair treatment of a crippled old man such as himself. Bob isn’t gonna buy into that MALARKY, and he’s not fooling anyone! Don’t pee on Bob’s leg and tell him it’s raining! Wright throws a fit and threatens to stand up and beat Bob’s ass, so Bob wheels him off kicking and screaming.

Paul Orndorff joins us after escaping WCW, and he’s complaining that Terry Gordy was allowed to use a powerbomb but he can’t use the piledriver. Man’s got a point. But he’s a real wrestler and not just defined by his piledriver, so he’s gonna beat this geek with something else entirely and prove it.

Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff v. Barry Horowitz

Barry puts him down with shoulderblocks, but Paul grabs a headlock while Dutch also questions the legality of banning the piledriver. Barry with a wristlock, but Paul bridges out of it and takes him down with another headlock while we get a RIP ROGERS UPDATE and learn it’s 1060 squats and going strong. I hope Tim Horner didn’t have any big plans for that $500, like feeding his family or getting meds for his dog or something, because he’s about to lose it! Orndorff works the arm, but Horowitz puts him on the floor with an impressive high knee and takes over with some elbows to the throat on the apron. Meanwhile the announcers discuss Barry’s record, as Dutch questions if he’s actually won a match before. Bob: “Of course he’s won matches!” Dutch: “In Smoky Mountain?” Bob: “I don’t think so, no.” So that’s a NO then. Horowitz with a crucifix cradle for two and he goes to a facelock, but he charges and runs into a knee in the corner. Paul comes back with clotheslines, clearly working babyface even though his interview was pretty heelish, and they fight to the floor and brawl out there. Back in the ring, Paul goes to the top with a flying elbow and sets up the piledriver, but the ref warns him not to do it. So he gets flustered and misses a dropkick, allowing Barry to drop a knee on him for two. But then Paul pulls out a backslide and pins him at 7:00. This was a good match with a storyline and everything!

RIP ROGERS UPDATE: Still doing squats as we go to the break.

Jim Cornette joins us, all worked up about Bob Armstrong assaulting a cripple. Also he’s got a mystery team in the upcoming tag team tournament, and they have to remain a mystery because if their identity was revealed, everyone else would forfeit and ruin the tournament.

Primetime Brian Lee v. Carl Styles

Lee goes after the deathly ill Dutch and chases him around ringside. What if he’s contagious? What if he has a case of Dutch Elm Disease? I wouldn’t risk it if I was Lee. Lee keeps chasing Dutch and Styles attacks from behind and grabs a chair, but Brian fights him off and they slug it out on the floor. Back in the ring, Lee gets a suplex and then immediately jumps the ropes and chases Dutch again, allowing Carl to get another attack. Back in the ring again, Lee puts the boots to him and goes after Dutch AGAIN, allowing Carl to get a cheapshot from behind and choke him out to take over. Dutch adds his own choking and Styles goes to a chinlock as this match is not…what’s the word I’m looking for here…oh yeah, good. That’s it. This match is NOT GOOD. Carl with a bearhug, but Lee comes back with a clothesline and a powerbomb for two, but Dutch runs in for the DQ at 5:34. Lee was still pretty awful at this point, despite Cornette’s best efforts to make him into a top level babyface star.

RIP ROGERS UPDATE: He’s just about done with the hour and ready to claim Horner’s $500, but Tim kicks out the chair at 59:30 and breaks up the streak, thus robbing Rip of his world record at 2630 squats. Apparently Rip was the hero we needed but didn’t deserve.

We’re back in the Smoky Mountains to stay, baby!

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