The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 02.22.92

The SmarK Rant for Smoky Mountain Wrestling – 02.22.92

Originally written 05.28.26

See! I told you I’d get back to these again!

Taped from Morristown, TN on 11.27.91

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dirty Dutch Mantell

Hector Guerrero v. Tommy Angel

Poor Bob Caudle accidentally called him “Hector Gomez” in the intro, which sounds like something Dutch would say as an insult, but was probably just Bob mixing up Guerrero with Pepper Gomez. They trade hammerlocks and Angel actually takes him down off that, but Hector counters out with a headscissors. Hector tries the test of strength and walks the ropes to take Angel down out of that, but Angel hiptosses him. Hector comes back with a pair of headscissors and then a bunch of rolls into takedowns for some gymnastics. Angel alley-oops him into a faceplant and a slam for two to take over again, but Hector knocks him to the floor and follows with a dive. Back in, Hector with the rolling cradle for the pin at 4:40. This was a FUN match and he gave Angel a bunch of offense and let him shine for a bit. **1/2

Ivan Koloff & Jimmy Golden join Bob as I’m astonished at how tall that goddamn BUNKHOUSE BUCK is compared to Caudle and Ivan. Buck accuses the fans in the south of going soft and tells them to show some respect for the Soviet Union, which is hilarious coming from this redneck goof.

Meanwhile, we take a look back at last week’s main event, as Ron Wright tries to give Dutch some brass knuckles, but Brian Lee steals them and uses them, getting himself disqualified as a result. And then we get a promo with Primetime, who wants a rematch, any time! Back at the studio, Dutch explains various phobias and notes that he’s got a fear of getting hurt, which is called “Good sense”. So Dutch introduces his good friend Carl Styles, who wants to break into wrestling, so Dutch has hired him as his bodyguard and a roadblock for Lee. Carl was actually a guy from Memphis for a while, most notable as a very brief AWA tag team champion in 1988 as the masked “Dr. D”, teaming with Hector Guerrero in fact during the infamous “hair cream” angle.

Meanwhile, we hear from Robert Gibson, Tim Horner and Brian Lee, the most electrifying group of babyfaces currently not under contract to anyone else who would pay them better in 1992. Bob Caudle hypes up SMW coming to live shows in your home town! Wait, wrestling companies used to do that? The 90s were a wild time, man!

Meanwhile, we hear from Mr. Ron Wright, as he laments the vicious Brian Lee trying to maim Dutch with the brass knuckles. Also he reminds us that he was maimed with a pair of brass knuckles and that’s why he’s crippled and currently in a wheelchair. Also Medicare won’t pay for his surgery. #ThanksObama. And also flu season is coming up, so he really needs that surgery soon. This guy is legit amazing.

Killer Kyle v. Ricky Nelson

Kyle is former WCW jobber Mark Kyle, repackaged by Cornette into a vague mafia gimmick by putting him in a suit and giving him a violin case as a prop. Nelson gets a bodypress for two and takes him down with a headlock, but Kyle beats on him in the corner while Ron Wright watches from the aisle. Nelson gets a sunset flip off the top for two and goes back to the headlock. Kyle powers him into a suplex for two as Bob outright accuses Ron Wright of making up his entire crippling illness. Nelson with a dropkick and a back elbow, but Kyle retreats to the corner and Wright takes the ref, while Kyle runs Nelson into the VIOLIN CASE OF DEATH behind the ref’s back for the pin at 3:54. Kyle didn’t look like much of a killer here. *

Tim Horner joins us, with some old white guy giving him a certificate of appreciation for bringing rasslin’ to Morristown.

Meanwhile, we hear from Hollywood Bob Holly, the hottest rookie in wrestling. The idea that BOB HOLLY is supposed to a “Hollywood movie star” is perfect for this promotion. Anyway, Bob relates a conversion that he had with Jack Nicholson while in Hollywood, about his dedication to beating up redneck hicks in the southern states.

Primetime Brian Lee v. Brad Anderson

Lee slugs away and hits Brad with an atomic drop before going to a chinlock. Brad comes back with his own chinlock while Carl Styles stands at ringside flexing and looking stupid, which has been a running joke through the show already. Lee fights out of the chinlock, but Anderson hits him with an elbow. So Lee puts him in a body vice and drops him with a backbreaker for the pin at 3:44. God this was bad. Afterwards, Carl Styles hits the ring and slams Lee, but Dutch tries to help and the heels collide like a couple of clowns, allowing Lee to chase them off.

The Fantastics v. Ivan Koloff & Jimmy Golden

This is of course the Fulton Brothers version of the Fantastics, and not the good one. Jackie runs wild on Ivan to start and takes him down, and the Fultons double-team Ivan’s arm in the corner. Jackie with a crossbody out of the corner for two. Jackie works the arm, but it’s over to Golden, who slams out of a hammerlock and goes to a headlock. Jackie takes him down and works the arm, and it’s back to Ivan for more double-teaming in the babyface corner. Bobby brawls with Koloff outside and gets jumped by Golden, and the heels go to work on Bobby back in the ring. Golden runs him into the post and they work Bobby over in the corner as this match is going nowhere, but Jackie gets the hot tag and runs wild with dropkicks. Crossbody on Golden gets two and the ref is distracted while they all brawl, but Ivan’s Temu Russian, Vladimir Koloff, runs in and knocks out Jackie and puts Golden on top for the pin at 9:00. Total yawn and a super basic southern tag match, as Koloff & Golden were not the play. *1/2

The Koloffs and Jimmy Golden join Bob to celebrate their victory, but the Fantastics break it up and brawl with them, but since it’s 3-on-2, they get their ass kicked. But then WHITE LIGHTNING makes the save to even it up and I presume that sets up a six-man next week. And they all brawl through the arena as the credits roll and we’re out of time for the week.

Well this one was fine but hopefully we get some direction soon. That being said, this is very much comfort food for me and Ron Wright is hilarious with his progressive illness that makes him sicker and more in need of money every week, and I appreciate this show for what it was trying to be.