The SmarK Rant for Ring of Honor Final Battle 2003 – 12.27.03

As a Muto fanboy, to say I’m stoked to see this show is an understatement.

Taped from Philadelphia, PA, 12/27/03.

Your hosts are Chris Levy (Gabe Sapolsky’s secret identity) & CM Punk.

Production values are HUGELY improved over the 2002 stuff I saw last.

We start with the Carnage Crew threatening Gary Michael Capetta while searching for Special K, and a wrestling lesson from Samoa Joe as a message for Mark Briscoe.

Brian Danielson v. Jay Briscoe

The arena looks an actual ARENA, with proper lighting and everything now. Very impressive. They fight over a lockup and Danielson works off a wristlock, but Briscoe makes the ropes. Danielson takes him down and stays on the arm, into a surfboard, but Briscoe makes the ropes. Briscoe goes to a headlock, but Danielson tries an escape, so Jay drops a leg on him and goes to a chinlock. Danielson goes to a Liontamer, but Briscoe makes the ropes. Back to the arm by Danielson, but Briscoe grinds a forearm into the face to break. They try a test of strength and Briscoe overpowers him, so Danielson rolls out of it, then blocks a backslide and gets a high dropkick for two. Back to the arm. Jay reverses to a cravat, and they fight it out on the ropes until Briscoe gets a cheapshot and goes back to the headlock. Danielson tries to escape with a backdrop suplex, but he hangs on. A roll is also countered, but Danielson goes to the arm to break free of the headlock. Smart move. Back to the arm with a headscissors and armbar, but Briscoe reverses back to the headlock. No guff this time, as Danielson breaks free with a pair of forearms, but Briscoe snaps a suplex and pounds him down. Lariat (with a 0.5 Jannetty sell by Danielson) gets two. He takes over with chops, but now Danielson is riled, and they exchange shots until Briscoe goes down. He quickly comes back with a neckbreaker, however. Danielson comes back with an enzuigiri and slugs away with forearms, and Briscoe goes down again. Airplane spin into a Regal Roll, and he zips up to the top for a diving headbutt that gets two. Very nice sequence. They trade slaps and spit and Briscoe goes to the eyes, drawing appreciation from the crowd. Cheat to win! Briscoe fights for a suplex, and gets a Falcon Arrow for two. Yakuza Kick gets two. Jay-Driller is blocked and reversed by Danielson, but Briscoe hits him with another Yakuza Kick on the rebound. Danielson comes back with a dragon suplex for two, and gets Catamutiliation (I hope I’m spelling that right) for the submission at 13:36, which (wait for it) PAYS OFF THE ARM PSYCHOLOGY. Great opener. ****

Xavier v. John Walters

This is a fight without honor. Brawl outside to start, and Walters hits with a clothesline out of the corner and slugs away, and gets a powerslam to block a DDT. They slug it out with chops and Walters slingshots Xavier over the top, and follows him out there. Xavier meets the railing a few times. Back in, he grabs a chair, but misses with I, allowing Xavier to pound him with knees in the corner. Xavier retrieves the chair and gives him a brutal knee into the chair on his face. Xavier slugs him down and drops a knee on the chair, and then grabs a ladder. Xavier gets a stiff dropkick into the corner, but Walters kicks the ladder back at him. Walters tries a backdrop onto the ladder, but Xavier blocks, and they fight over it until Walters hits him with a whiplash slam and BREAKS THE LADDER. You don’t see THAT every day. Walters tosses the ladder onto him on the floor to follow up, and then sets it up across the apron and railing, ala ECW. Xavier gives him a weak knee, knocking Walters off the apron and onto the ladder. Xavier puts him on the ladder and goes up, and hits him with a complicated double-jump moonsault to put him through it. I don’t really like moves like that. Back in, Xavier suplexes him into a double-underhook submission, but he lets go. Walters comes back with a jawbreaker using the knees, and they fight outside again. Walters spears him with the ladder, but Xavier sets up the chair as they head into the ring, and that backfires, as Walters DDTs him on the chair and then chairshots him. Xavier blades. Bow-and-arrow, using the chair for leverage, which is a pretty swank submission move, but Walters releases. They fight over a suplex on the apron, but Xavier necksnaps him to escape and follows him down with a 450 splash through a table on the floor. Wow. Back in, they slug it out, and Xavier hits him with a kick from the mat. He grabs the chair again and gets a shot with that, and then finds another ladder. He sets it up and climbs, but Walters brings him down with a backbreaker from the top of the ladder, and that gets two, as Prince Nana pulls out the ref to save a sure pinfall. Walters now brings the broken ladder back in, but Xavier gets a neckbreaker for two. They slug it out and fight up to the top, where Xavier brings him down with a Niagra Driver from the top. Xavier sets up the ladders and they both climb the big ladder, while the broken one is sitting in the corner with a chair on it, and Xavier tries a suplex from the top of the ladder, but Walters reverses to a powerbomb off the top that unfortunately goes really wrong, with Walters’ body breaking the ladder before Xavier. That’s enough to finish 18:25, at any rate. They pushed their luck with the big spots one time too many, but as a highspot-filled brawl this was quite good. ***3/4

Matt Stryker v. BJ Whitmer

They work off a wristlock to start and do some reversals, and it’s a stalemate. Whitmer goes to a headlock, but Stryker hits him with a pair of armdrags and works on the arm. He tries a hammerlock, but Whitmer makes the ropes. Stryker hits him with a forearm, and tosses him. He follows with a somersault plancha and sends Whitmer into the ringpost. Whitmer fights back and does the same, and they head back in, where Whitmer goes to work on the arm. Stryker kicks him in the bigass knee brace (which CM Punk points out in less than politically correct manner) and pounds on the knee. He puts Whitmer into an Indian deathlock, but Whitmer makes the ropes. He locks Whitmer into a leglock and pulls off the brace, while keeping BJ on his back. Stretch Muffler (Brock Lock) follows, but Whitmer makes the ropes. They head out and Stryker drops his knee on the table and then rams it into the railing. Back in, it’s figure-four time. Whitmer reverses it, but Stryker makes the ropes. So they head to the corner, and Stryker gets the ringpost figure-four. Kneecrusher into a dragon-screw and another Stretch Muffler, but Whitmer makes the ropes again. Matt tries the knee again, but Whitmer kicks him in the bad shoulder to get him off. Whitmer rolls the dice and takes Stryker down with an armbar, but Matt makes the ropes. Snapmare and the kick to the back from Whitmer, and he goes to a rear chinlock. He’s having trouble putting weight on the knee, however. He tries an Exploider, but the knee gives way and Stryker comes back with chops. Backdrop suplex gets two. Powerslam gets two. Strykerlock (which is kinda like the Nagatalock) but Whitmer seems full of piss and vinegar still. He fights for the ropes, but taps at 18:08. Good psychology, but it was a bit slow most of the way. ***

ROH title: Samoa Joe v. Mark Briscoe

Joe attacks Mark in the corner to start and gets a big boot to send him out, then follows immediately and sends him into the railing. Mark runs away into the ring and tries pounding on Joe as he comes back in, but Joe grabs the arm. Joe pounds it and takes him down with a fireman’s carry into another armbar, but Mark makes the ropes. Mark takes him down with a toehold, but Joe casually reverses to a crossface and grinds it in. He throws him with a judo throw, and they start fresh. Briscoe fires away with forearms and a corner clothesline, but it doesn’t seem to be having much effect. A lariat puts Joe down for one. He slaps him around, which isn’t smart, and then does the Ohtani bootrubs in the corner, and Joe has finally had enough of that shit. Palmstrike puts Briscoe on the floor, but Jay pulls Mark out of harm’s way. Back in the ring, Joe no-sells some stuff and absorbs more punishment, then hits Briscoe with an STO and brutally kicks him down into a knee drop for two. More brutal kicks get one. Mark tries a headbutt like an idiot and knocks himself out. Backbreaker gets two for Joe off that dumb move. Joe goes to a Boston Crab, but Mark makes the ropes. He comes back with a uranage for two. He tries kicking at the ribs and gets a back elbow, but Joe just keeps soaking up the shots and patiently waiting. Briscoe suplexes him for two. Joe finally powerslams him and kicks him to the floor with one shot, then follows with a FAT GUY OUTTA CONTROL tope suicida and then a riff on the NFL, as he finds a cell phone under the ring and makes a call. Boy, that reference got dated fast. Back in, Joe gets two. He takes Mark down with a rolling cradle for two. Powerbomb gets two. Into an STF, but Jay yells at Mark to grab the ropes. Wow, what strategy. Joe slaps him around, but Mark gives one last flurry before Joe absolutely destroys him with a series of shots into an enzuigiri for two. Mark gets a german suplex for two. Another one gets two. Joe gives him a sick series of knees and a kick to the face for two. Dragon suplex gets two. Joe slaps him around and then takes him down with sick UFC knees to the head and a rear naked choke to finish at 14:44. Mark was game to take Joe’s super-stiff offense, but the match was a bit long and was mainly there to amuse the crowd. **1/2 CM Punk goes down to the ring to ruin the show, but has words with Samoa Joe as a result. This leads to a brawl between Christopher Daniels’ Prophecy group and CM Punk, but BJ Whitmer runs in and joins the Prophecy.

Onto the next part of the show, featuring ROH v. All-Japan.

CM Punk & Colt Cabana v. Kazushi Miyamoto & Tomoaki Honma

Cabana starts with Miyamoto and they do some matwork, which gets them nowhere. Miyamoto throws some chops, but Cabana fires back, and then gets dropkicked in the head as a result. Punk goes with Honma next and they trade wristlocks, but Punk takes him down and starts on the arm. He ducks underneath in the corner and works on Punk’s knee, as they brawl outside, and Honma gets sent into the railing. Ouch. Back in, and Miyamoto comes in and gets caught in the ROH corner, as Cabana starts working on the leg. Tumeric Storm come back and work him over in their corner, however. Cabana fights back to his own corner and takes Miyamoto down with an inverted Boston Crab, as he and Punk double-team, but Honma breaks it up. They do more double-teaming on Miyamoto, but Cabana keeps acting like a goof and annoying Punk. They keep working Miyamoto over and Punk gets a high knee into the corner, as does Cabana, but Miyamoto falls on him with a koppo kick. Punk quickly keeps on him, however, and it’s back to the corner again for more double-teaming with Cabana. He remains trapped in the corner and Punk tries a suplex, but it’s reversed by Miyamoto, and he makes the hot tag to Honma. He fires away on both Punk & Cabana, and bulldogs Punk for two. Double Flatliner on the heels and Honma goes up, but Punk slams him off. Cabana comes in, but walks into a powerslam, then comes back with a shoulderbreaker for two. They slug it out and Honma DDTs him and tags out to Miyamoto, but Cabana catches him with a rana for two. Miyamoto pounds Cabana into a corner clothesline, and goes up with a swanton for two. They clothesline each other to no avail, so Miyamoto hits him with an enzuigiri and brings Honma back in. He exchanges chops with Punk, who gets a Michinoku Driver, but walks into a spear from Miyamoto. They go nuts on each other with highspots, which the fans love, and everone is out. Honma blocks a Punk charge with a big boot and goes up with a Buff Blockbuster, and that gets two. Tumeric Storm double-team Punk and put him on top for a Stacked Superplex, and that gets two. Miyamoto misses a pescado on Cabana, who then hits him with a quebrada, leaving Honma in the ring with Punk. Punk ducks a lariat and hits Honma with a backdrop suplex, but he no-sells. Evenflow DDT gets two, however. Lariat gets two, as Miyamoto saves. Now Honma is left alone with the heels, and Punk finishes him with a Tiger Driver off the top at 16:34. Good Japanese-style build to all the hot finishers in this one, which is probably the smartest thing they could have done considering the audience. ***1/2

Kaz Hayashi v. AJ Styles

Oh, whipass! They reverse off a wristlock to start and Kaz takes him down and works for the arm, and it’s a stalemate. They do the test of strength and Kaz hits him with a kick to break that, then grabs a headlock. He grinds on that and overpowers Styles, back to the headlock again. They criss-cross and AJ dropkicks him for two. Kaz goes back to the arm and dropkicks him out, however. They fight outside, but AJ jumps the railing to counter a whip into it, and disappears. Back to the ring, and it’s a shoving match, and they exchange chops. Big ones. Then forearms, until AJ hits him with a sidekick to drop him. Kaz gets pissed and hits his own, into a brainbuster. Oh yeah. Back to the headlock, but AJ fights out and gets a sunset flip into the Styles Clash, but Kaz kicks free and gets a seated dropkick. Good flow there. That gets two for Kaz. He gets a chinlock on the mat, but AJ makes the ropes, so Kaz stomps him down and gets a piledriver for two. Back to a chinlock, and Kaz tries a piledriver, but AJ blocks and gets the spinning uranage into a backbreaker. Styles chops him down and drops a knee, for two. That moves into a bow-and-arrow, but Kaz makes the ropes. He comes back with a springboard DDT for two. Styles hits him with a gutbuster and a backbreaker for two. Kaz fights him off and handsprings him, but they clothesline each other and both are out. Styles tries another Styles Clash, but Kaz blocks again and reverses to a rana for two. He tries a dragon suplex, but AJ blocks, so Kaz tries a crossface. AJ counters out of that, so Kaz gets a dragon suplex, back to the crossface again. AJ makes the ropes. Kaz goes up, but gets crotched, and they do a reversal sequence into the Styles Clash to finish at 14:49. Good, but they took a while to really get into the groove. I liked the whole fighting for the Styles Clash thing, though. ***1/4

Satoshi Kojima v. Homicide

Interesting matchup. Kojima is way over as a babyface here. Lockup to start and Kojima gives him a slap in the corner. Homicide returns the favor. They fight over a shoulderblock and Kojima won’t go down, so Homicide gives him a dropkick and fakes a dive. Kojima casually grabs a seat at ringside in response. Koji looks like he’s having a ball. Back to the lockup and Kojima goes to the arm, but gets taken down, as Homicide works on the arm a bit. Kojima stops to yell at the people at ringside and works in a crotch chop. This guy is so awesome. Koji starts with the chops (non-crotch variety) and they slug it out until Koji goes to the eyes. He stomps a mudhole in the corner, and then tells the ref that he doesn’t understand English. In English. Crowd eats all this up. So do I. Homicide fires back with chops and Kojima takes it and likes it, and then fires back with punches, until Homicide goes to the eyes and gets two. Homicide no-sells a german suplex and dropkicks Kojima out, and then follows with a tope suicida. Kojima suckers him into a belly-to-belly on the floor, however. Kojima borrows a camera from ringside and takes a picture, and they head back in. Homicide comes back with a corner clothesline and a running knee into the corner, but he’s still woozy from the suplex. Snapmare gets two. He tries some choking in the corner, and then blocks a running elbow with a boot for two. Another try works, however, and Kojima goes up with the flying elbow for two. Another charge by Kojima hits boot, and Homicide follows with a swinging DDT for two. He walks into a spinebuster and Kojima gets two. Homicide blocks a lariat and hits him with the Ace Crusher for two. Koji fires back with the Koji Kutter for two. Another try at the lariat is blocked with another Ace Crusher by Homicide, and that gets two. Homicide walks into a lariat, which gets two. Another one gets the pin at 13:11. Either Homicide is a great seller, or he was seriously messed up by that suplex on the floor, because he looked off the whole match and Kojima didn’t really give him much. **1/2

The Great Muta & Arashi v. Christopher Daniels & Dan Maff

The crowd goes INSANE for Muta. Maff starts with Arashi and gets powered into the corner. They try to outgun each other, and Maff goes down first. They exchange chops, which goes badly for Maff, so he brings Daniels in. So Muta comes in to match him. They take it to the mat and Daniels starts on the arm, but Muta reverses to a headlock, so Daniels gives him some lip. Muta responds by spitting the green mist, and Daniels bails and stalls. Back in, Muta hammers on him in the corner , but Daniels chokes him out. Muta slugs him down and brings Arashi in again. Arashi overpowers Daniels (as you’d expect) and the Prophecy resort to a double-team to push Arashi into their corner. Maff comes in, but gets clubbed. Maff goes to the eyes to stop it, and they work him over in the corner. However, he makes it back to the corner and Muta hits the power elbow on Daniels and goes up, only to get knocked down again. Crowd doesn’t like that. Back to the heel corner, and Daniels & Maff hammer away on the back. They work Muta over and Daniels gets two off a moonsault, and then grabs a Koji Clutch on the mat. Arashi breaks it up. Daniels goes to a chinlock and drops an elbow for two. Muta fights out of another chinlock, but Daniels elbows him down and Maff comes in with a legdrop for two. Muta actually throws a dropkick, however, and makes the tag to Arashi, who also throws one. Good lord. Corner clothesline and belly-to-belly get two on Maff. Maff slugs away on him, to no effect. They get a double-team STO on Arashi for two. Daniels walks into a powerslam, however, and Muta is back in. He dropkicks the knee and dragon-screws him into the figure-four. Maff breaks it up. Everyone fights and Daniels rolls Muta up for two. Sunset flip gets two. Maff hits Muta with a chair to break up any comeback, but Muta sprays red mist at him (well, on the second try) to get rid of him. Daniels tries his own moonsault and misses, and Muta finishes him with the Shining Wizard at 16:05. Well, I gotta say that was horribly disappointing, but the crowd dug Muta. *1/2

We finish with Colt Cabana’s talk show, “Live from Chicago”, as he interviews Special K. Colt’s hilarious, the rest not so much. A brawl with the Carnage Crew results.

The Bottom Line: Solid show up and down, aside from the main event, although really having Carnage Crew cutting wrestling promos backstage kind of conflicts with the whole thing that ROH is, ya know? I’d rather they stick to the wrestling, because that’s their strength.

Still, there’s some great stuff on this show, and it’s a chance to see Japanese guys you’re not gonna have much of a chance to see in the US, and the first half is absolutely awesome.

Highly recommended.