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The SmarK Rant for Pro Wrestling This Week – 05.30.87

By Scott Keith on 27 December 2024

The SmarK Rant for Pro Wrestling This Week – 05.30.87

Back from my mini Christmas vacation, although I don’t really have time to review Dynamite tonight so I’ll probably get to that at a later date.

Huh, so this showed up in KrisP’s drive all of a sudden, which is actually really handy because the YouTube channel I had been using is all over the damn place with the order of the shows, and VQ isn’t great.

OH MY GOD TOMMY RICH’S CROTCH AGAIN. Someone stop that thing!

Your hosts are Joe Pedicino & Gordon Solie

Mike Miller v. Sputnik

Off to Portland first of all, as Miller has turned babyface after last week’s show, and he quickly finishes with a legsweep, and then his former friends Rip Oliver & Art Crews attack him, until the Assassin saves and prevents a spike piledriver onto a chair. Not sure which version of the Assassin this guy was, but he’s definitely thinner than Jody Hamilton was at the time. And then the Assassin offers a hug, and they trade chops to show their newly formed friendship. Like men do.

World Class World title: Kevin Von Erich v. Nord the Barbarian

This is the main event of the David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions at Texas Stadium, joined with Nord missing a legdrop off the top, allowing Kevin to come back with a powerslam for two. Kevin goes up with a missile dropkick for two, but tries a splash and lands on Nord’s furry boot. Nord puts him down with headbutts and goes to a body vice, but Kevin escapes by putting the Iron Claw on him while hanging upside-down, and they both tumble to the floor off that. Man when they go wide you can see how embarrassingly empty that stadium was in 1987. They brawl into the crowd and both are counted out for a lame non-finish.

Off to Crockett, as we get the famous angle with Tully Blanchard trying to con Jim Crockett into putting up $50,000 to make the match with Dusty Rhodes. Dusty tells him just to go ahead and give him the money, so JJ Dillon turns around and puts up the $50,000 bonus payment as their half of the $100,000 bet. Dusty of course puts up his giant pile of cash, which probably wasn’t far off from their business plan at the time, and the match is signed. Back when I was originally watching this angle play out at age 13, I wasn’t really clear on what the Horsemen’s plan was, but here it’s a little more clear that JJ straight up demanded a signing bonus for Tully Blanchard in exchange for agreeing to defend the TV title against Dusty Rhodes.

Arn Anderson v. Tommy Angel

Arn, in his ultra-rare YELLOW trunks and boots, quickly squashes Angel with the spinebuster and gourdbuster. Of minor note was Earl Hebner as referee here, mostly because he didn’t really pop up much on Crockett TV before the legendary jump to the WWF.

Jerry Blackwell v. Tony Leoni

Joined with Blackwell bearhugging the crap out of the jobber and then beating him down with headbutts on the mat and finishing with a sideslam.

Curt Hennig sits down with Larry Nelson after winning the AWA World title, and he denies receiving any sort of weapon from Larry Zbyszko, and in fact they’ve reviewed the tape several times and no one was able to prove anything. So we watch the tape from another angle and Curt claims that he was knocked out at the time and doesn’t even know Larry Zbyszko, never even spoken to the man before. Oddly the relationship between Hennig and Zbyszko never really led to anything, as Curt quickly went his own way.

The Sheepherders v. Keith Larson & Santiago (?)

From WWC in Puerto Rico. Didn’t really catch the name of the other babyface and it’s all in Spanish anyway, and they destroy the guy and finish with the double gutbuster, looking really impressive.

To Central States, for a battle royale with a bunch of guys I’ve never heard of outside of Vinnie Valentino. This is for a big SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLAR purse, which is like $702 in today’s money. Valentino dropkicks Joel Lightfoot out and wins the $700 prize.

Bill Apter joins us with the PWI report, as he wonders if it’s time for Andre the Giant to retire? But first, the AWA Top Ten.

  1. Curt Hennig
  2. Nick Bockwinkel
  3. Greg Gagne
  4. Larry Zbyszko
  5. Austin Idol
  6. Jimmy Snuka
  7. DJ Peterson
  8. Leon White
  9. Kevin Kelly
  10. Boris Zhukov

How do you rank Austin Idol in this thing when he wouldn’t even leave Memphis?

Also the PWI Most Popular

  1. Hulk Hogan (duh)
  2. Barry Windham
  3. Ricky Steamboat
  4. Nikita Koloff
  5. Dusty Rhodes
  6. Hacksaw Duggan
  7. Jerry Lawler
  8. Kevin Von Erich
  9. Jimmy Snuka
  10. Mike Rotunda

Back to Andre, who was just too out of shape to win the WWF title from Hulk Hogan and now he’s just destroying his own legend by acting as a “robot” for Bobby Heenan, so he should retire and get out while he can. Strong words.

To the WWF now, as One Man Gang has debuted as Slick’s new man after getting bounced out of the UWF by Skandor Akbar. Also Joe has heard rumors, STRONG rumors, that Andre is going into a secret training regimen to mount another attack on Hulk Hogan’s WWF title.

Hulk Hogan v. Cowboy Bob Orton

Joined with Hulk making the comeback and finishing him with the legdrop in a rare Superstars match.

AWA World tag team title: The Midnight Rockers v. Pat Tanaka & Paul Diamond

This is actually in Memphis, joined with Shawn Michaels clotheslining Tanaka out of the corner and making the hot tag to Jannetty, and Marty goes nuts with slams and dropkicks as the Mid-South Coliseum goes crazy. The heels collide, but Diamond throws Jannetty over the top for the DQ. Seemed like it was a hot match from the short clips shown.

Wilbur Snyder v. Mr. Moto

Back to the 1950s with the Mat Classic, in the third fall of a match in Texas. Joined with Moto taking Snyder down with a kneedrop and chokehold on the mat, but Wilbur comes back with a series of shoulderblocks, before running into a chop to the throat and getting pinned.

Meanwhile, Boni Blackstone gets ANGRY fan mail demanding to know why managers are allowed to interfere in matches and cost people titles? Also another ANGRY letter demands to know why more local sports media didn’t cover Wrestlemania III, which sounds like it was written directly from Connecticut by Bruce P.

Junior Heavyweight title: Tom Pritchard v. Scott Armstrong

From Continental in Alabama now, joined with Dr. Tom dropping Armstrong on the top rope crotch-first, drawing a DQ to retain his title. And then he grabs a chloroform rag form ringside and puts both Armstrong and the referee out with it before piledriving the unconscious body of Scott Armstrong and then running away when the other babyfaces make the save.

BIG NEWS out of the UWF, as the Lightning Express have won the tag team titles from Sting & Rick Steiner. Tell me how you know Jim Crockett was running things without telling me.

Big Bubba Rogers v. the Beach Boys

Bubba, the new UWF World champion after sending OMG packing for the WWF, destroys both geeks. I think they were Jonnie Stewart and Sonny Rogers in this case. Bubba finishes one of them with the Bubba Slam.

Meanwhile, Michael Hayes talks about the ongoing rivalry between the NWA and UWF, promising that the Freebirds are invading the NWA. Which is of course funny because what was actually happening was Crockett putting all the titles on his own guys and killing off the promotion.

POWW title: Natasha v. Nina

Nina, the future Ivory, is wearing quite the outfit here, and we’re joined with Natasha applying various chokes, which eventually draws the DQ.

And we wrap it up with our award for WRESTLER OF THE WEEK, who can only be Mean Mike Miller because he’s a good guy now. I’d say Don Owen bribed someone for that award but I doubt he had the cash at that point.