The SmarK Rant for Pro Wrestling This Week – 04.18.87

The SmarK Rant for Pro Wrestling This Week – 04.18.87

I was gonna do Rampage because THE OUTRUNNERS but mostly I just watched that match and then lost interest in reviewing the rest. Back to PWTW!

Your hosts are Joe Pedicino & Gordon Solie

Starting out in the Central States area this week, which is apparently our Mat Classic for the week because it’s from a few years ago. A bunch of people quickly get thrown out, leaving us with Bulldog Bob Brown and Marty Jannetty, back when they were apparently tag team partners. So Bob offers a truce and they agree to split the money, but then Marty turns his back like a moron and Bob turns on him and throws him over the top. Marty lands on the apron, so Bob hauls him back in and piledrives him, and then comes off the top with a flying kneedrop and adds another piledriver. I guess Bob won? Sad to see Marty was such a gullible dummy even in his younger years.

Do YOU have questions or comments? Send them to PWTW SOUND-OFF and Boni Blackstone might read them next week! I’ve got some questions for Joe Pedicino about his supposed investors in the GWF.

Off to Dallas…

The Fantastics v. Brian Adias & Al Madril

The Fantastics are the World Class tag team champions but I’m not sure if this is a title match. Tommy Rogers gets a hot tag and runs wild on the heels, and Fulton rolls up Adias, but Madril breaks it up and tosses him out of the ring. The heels double-team Rogers with a vicious DOUBLE ATOMIC DROP and follow with a double suplex, but Fulton saves his partner and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and the referee throws out the match.

BREAKING NEWS: The Fantastics actually have lost the titles to the Rock N Roll RPMs since this match aired. And then Gary Hart interviews the RPMs (prior to them winning the titles) and they address criticisms of stealing their act from other teams, and note that they’re getting no respect. Well to be fair they did steal their entire act from other teams, so…

Off to Deep South!

Mike Golden v. Johnny Rich

So yeah, Golden looks like the bizarre love child of Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, more in the sense that he’s doing a very blatant Flair ripoff act while being all yoked up. Golden slugs away in the corner, but Rich makes a comeback and the ref gets bumped. This allows the valet to throw powder, which goes ALL OVER the ring, but some apparently hits Golden in the eyes by mistake and Rich gets the pin. Man, white powder in the 80s, what are the odds?

To Continental, for a two ring battle royale that apparently took over an hour to decide. That sounds like my personal hell.

Battle Royale: We’re clipped to the last few guys in each ring as a parade of jobbers takes kitten-soft bumps over the top to depart, until we’re down to the Shoguns and the Nightmares.

The Nightmares v. The Shoguns

Not to be confused with the future team of Big Show and Billy Gunn. So the Nightmares double-team a Shogun, but Buddy Landel comes in and hits a Nightmare with a gimmick, putting his Shogun buddy on top for the pin and the $50,000 prize.

Bill Apter joins us with this week’s ratings bonanza!

Top 10 Men:

1. Hulk Hogan
2. Ric Flair
3. Ricky Steamboat
4. Nikita Koloff
5. Randy Savage
6. Barry Windham
7. Nick Bockwinkel
8. Kevin Von Erich
9. Ted Dibiase
10. Lex Luger

Seems entirely fair actually.

Top 10 AWA:

1. Nick Bockwinkel
2. Curt Hennig
3. Larry Zbyszko
4. Jimmy Snuka
5. Col DeBeers
6. DJ Peterson
7. Austin Idol
8. Kevin Kelly
9. Leon White
10. Greg Gagne

Well that’s bullshit. I don’t know who this “Leon White” guy is, but rating him above perennial World champion contender Greg Gagne is just nonsense!

Bill talks about awarding the Insipirational award to Chris Adams one year, only to learn that he was in jail due to a famous airplane incident. But now Adams is going around the country and doing inspirational stuff and teaming with Terry Taylor, so he’s really earned his plaque back by showing what a good person he is! Yeah Adams was probably using his Inspirational Award plaque to do lines of coke backstage.

Speaking of which, off to the UWF…

UWF tag team title: Chris Adams & Terry Taylor v. Mike George & Mike Boyette

Joined with Boyette hitting Adams with a knee to the gut and bringing Mike George in for a kneelift. George stomps him down while the announcers discuss how Taylor was late for the match last week and nearly didn’t make it. See that’s FORESHADOWING. Boyette misses a splash and Adams hits him with a superkick, so Taylor tags in and pins him after Adams did all the work. Yeah this team ain’t sticking around much longer.

Meanwhile, the Fabulous Freebirds talk with Joe Pedicino before their match against Devastation Inc in the Omni.

Off to the NWA, as the Crockett Cup saw The Superpowers beating the Horsemen in the finals after Magnum TA came to ringside to inspire the babyfaces. Sadly we have no footage.

Off to Puerto Rico next…

TNT v. Paul Reyes

This is the International match of the week, but is that really accurate if Puerto Rico is part of the US? TNT is of course something of a legend in the Caribbean, I’ve heard. He kicks Reyes down and puts the boots to him before putting him out with a cobra clutch on the mat.

Over to Memphis…

We’re into the real good stuff now, with the incredible Lawler v. Idol feud of 1987

Texas Death match: Jerry Lawler & Bam Bam Bigelow v. Tommy Rich & Austin Idol

Joined with Rich beating on Bam Bam in the ring while Idol and Lawler brawl on the floor. Rich gets the ringbell and drops it on Bigelow. But Bam Bam makes a comeback while Lawler fires up and beats on Idol. Back in the ring, Lawler and Bigelow double-team Rich and give him the old Tommy Dreamer special on the ringpost, and Lawler easily pins him after smashing his groin into the post. RINGPOST TO THE GROIN! RINGPOST TO THE GROIN! The ref puts the count on Rich after that, and Tommy ain’t getting up, so Lawler actually wins in a single fall. This was a pretty awesome brawl.

And we move to Portland after that…

Art Crews v. Pat Brady

I don’t see these guys following that match. Crews runs Grady into the corners and dumps him to the floor, then necks him on the top rope to keep him out there. Back in for a back elbow that gets two. Brady makes a comeback with a snap suplex and drops an elbow on him, but he goes up and misses a missile dropkick, allowing Crews to go up with his own missile dropkick to finish. OK this wasn’t bad, actually.

To the WWF, where Demolition has debuted their new manager…MR. FUJI. That was a brilliant move and took them to another level.

The New Dream Team v. Nick Kiniski & Tommy Sharpe

Speaking of going to another level, adding Dino Bravo took the Dream Team a much lower level, like dropping a sinker in the toilet that clogged the pipes. Bravo wins with the sideslam. And then for a bonus, we get 2 seconds of the Hart Foundation beating jobbers, prompting the Bulldogs to bring their dog to attack poor Jimmy Hart.

To the AWA…

The Master Blaster & Boris Zhukov v. Jim Evans & Nacho Berrera

Master Blaster of course has a hilarious backstory but the short version is that he’s terrible. Boris gets a flying kneedrop like Ivan Koloff from Dollar General, and the Blaster finishes Nacho with a clawhold of some kind. Yeah I gotta start going that AWA soon. It’ll happen, don’t worry.

And our Wrestler of the Week can only be one man: NACHO BERRERA. No, I’m kidding, it’s Magnum TA. Even though all he did was walk to the ring. Big deal, I walk all the time. I’m gonna go walk my dogs right now just to show how easy it is!

Nah, I’m too lazy, never mind. I’ll get my kid to do it later. Let the baby have his bottle for walking. But hopefully standards for winning awards are higher next week.