The SmarK Rant for Pro Wrestling This Week – 01.03.87

The SmarK Rant for Pro Wrestling This Week – 01.03.87

Oh god Tommy Rich’s crotch is now hurtling towards us at the beginning of the show. I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT.

Your hosts are Gordon Solie & Joe Pedicino, although Joe is on special assignment, so Bill Apter fills in and he’s got awards to give out! Not just any, but the 1986 PWI Year End Awards, which have the distinction of being the first ever wrestling magazine I got. Man that started a buying habit for me for a long time.

The Great Bolo v. The Great Chavo

Back to 1958 for our Mat Classic to start from HOLLYWOOD. Joined with Chavo working a headlock on Bobo, and he turns a facelock into a suplex, but the manager takes the ref and he’s just throwing punches at Chavo, allowing Bolo to get a bodypress for the questionable pin at 1:30.

First up for the Tag Team Of the Year award, it’s the Rock N Roll Express, who win for 1986. So we hear from them and they’re very humble, even through they just lost the titles about a week before this and got their asses kicked by Rude & Fernandez.

Off to Continental…

Texas Bullrope match: Roy Lee Welch v. Tom Pritchard

Joined with Welch beating on Dr. Tom with the cowbell in the corner and then choking him out with the rope, but Tom trips him up and makes the comeback, hogtying him and then dragging him to all four corners for the win at 1:34 shown. Welch doesn’t take it well and tosses Pritchard over the top, hanging him until Adrian Street makes the save.

Our next award is for Rookie of the Year, and there’s only one choice possible: LEX LUGER. Runners up were apparently Bam Bam Bigelow, Sting and Tom Magee. One of those names sure sticks out.

To Deep South now…

The Nightmares v. Steve & Scott Armstrong

A Nightmare powerslams Steve, but he goes to the top and Steve slams him off and makes the hot tag to future WCW mainstay referee Scott. He runs wild and pins a Nightmare with a jackknife cradle to win the Deep South tag team titles at 1:40 aired. This territory seems kind of interesting, actually.

Off to Memphis…

Southern tag team title: Jeff Jarrett & Billy Travis v. The Rock N Roll RPMs

This is an impromptu match and the babyfaces are in street clothes. Joined with Tommy Lane beating on Jeff in the corner, as the RPMs have turned heel since the last time we saw them on this show, and Jarrett misses a blind charge, allowing Davis to come in with a backdrop suplex. Lane with a chinlock, but Jeff fights free and makes the hot tag to Billy Travis as the crowd goes ape. Rollup on Lane, but Davis uses a foreign object to slug him down and puts Lane on top to regain the tag team titles.

Michael Hayes joins us to discuss RUMORS, mostly about how Bill Apter is worthless. Back at the desk, Bill thinks that PS stands for PURE SLEAZE.

Our next award is for Most Improved, which goes to Terry Gordy, but Terry is offended by the award and has refused to show up to receive it.

Speaking of which, off to the UWF…

Dr. Death Steve Williams v. Art Crews

Apparently Doc won the PWI tournament. Good for him. Doc overpowers Crews and adds a dropkick, but Crews beats on him in the corner until Williams backdrops him and the Oklahoma stampede finishes at 2:00.

Over to Puerto Rico next…

The Invader #1 v. Frankie Lancaster

Joined with Invader getting beat down by Lancaster, who drops a knee on him for two and then goes to a chinlock. Invader escapes just like he’s escaped justice all these years, but a back elbow puts him down and Invader is out cold, like someone stabbed him in the shower and left him to die. It only gets two. Lancaster tries a superplex and Invader blocks it, but he misses a senton, and then recovers with a rolling cradle for the pin at 2:20.

WWF Ring Report! Dynamite Kid has a severely injured spine, with two discs removed, and doctors are advising him not to return. And Ricky Steamboat is back in action on the house show circuit. Weird mixture of kayfabe there.

The Most Hated award can only go to one person: Paul Orndorff. Although history has of course shown that he was right all along and Hulk Hogan should have just answered his damn phone. Paul chats with Joe Pedicino about it, and he points out that his “hatred” made everyone in wrestling money so they should all THANK him. Thank you, Mr. Wonderful!

The Manager of the Year is Captain Lou Albano, even though he’s retired at this point. Lou does a coked up acceptance interview and promises to raise $7 million for MS next year.

Off to World Class…

WCCW tag team title: The Dingo Warrior & Lance Von Erich v. Brian Adias & Al Madril

Joined with Dingo getting double-teamed by the heels, but Lance gets the hot tag and does the comeback on the heels with clotheslines and a missile dropkick on Adias for two. Dingo takes out Madril, but he loads up brass knuckles and hits Lance behind he ref’s back for the pin and the title at 2:44 aired. Jesus Christ, Lance Von Erich and the Ultimate Warrior, what a team.

To the AWA…

Larry Zbyszko v. Greg Gagne

Joined with Larry sending Greg to the floor and beating on him from the apron, but Greg comes in with the fired up babyface comeback and puts Larry on the floor with dropkicks. Larry grabs his nunchuks from the table and uses them for the DQ at 2:20 aired, but Nick Bockwinkel leaves the announce position to talk sense into him. So Larry turns on Nick and knocks him out as well, until all the babyfaces make the save.

Next up, the Editor’s Award, presented to Verne Gagne, but Verne can’t be here, so Bill presents it to Cathy Gagne, who was his daughter and was married to Larry Zbyszko.

Over to Stampede…

Adolf Barbie v. George Skaaland

Skaaland is apparently the son of Arnold Skaaland, although I don’t really remember him in Stampede. He’s not particularly athletic, looking like Wahoo McDaniel more than anything. Skaaland makes a comeback and beats on Barbie in the corner, but the heel loads up the elbow pad and knocks him out for the pin at 1:22 aired.

And we finish the awards with Wrestler of the Year, who is of course Ric Flair. Ric gives a “humble” acceptance speech and promises to win for the next three years straight.

And then Gordon wusses out and gives Wrestler of the Week to all the award winners as a collective group.